The Cost of Regret
by LotornoMiko
Summary: Ten years ago Allura broke Lotor's heart when she rejected him. Ten years he has waited for Arus and Allura to be in a position to have her come crawling back to him. That time is now, and he won't stop until she suffers as much as he has. Dub Con, Non Con Warnings.
1. Chapter 1

Standard Disclaimer Time. I do not own Voltron, nor the characters of Lotor and Allura. That honor belongs to World Events Production. I make no money off this fic. It's purely done for entertainment purposes, and the fact I need a creative outlet for the ideas in my head.

Disclaimer two, this is not a very nice Lotor. He's been hurt and angry for a long time. I'm not even sure how to classify this story, if it deserves the romance category or not. It's very smutty though...^^;;

-Michelle

Blue eyes greet me, glittering with a look I've not often had the privilege of seeing before. Desperation suits you well Allura, that gleam of just barely held back panic. I haven't said a word to you, I've just only entered the room, but already you fear me. It is the fear that I will send you away before you get what you so desperately need. It's all I can do to hold back my smirk, keep my own eyes from showing the perverse satisfaction this situation gives me.

"It's been a while." I say out loud, my voice cool, distant. Too distant for your liking, but then you had to know this wouldn't be easy. I'm no longer in thrall to you, no longer so eager to do your bidding.

"Lotor..." You exhale a shaky breath, and with it seem to remember we are not friends. "Your highness..."

Titles keep us separate, help maintain the distance. A distance that you yourself once insisted upon. How excruciating it must be, to have the roles reversed. To know there is no warmth in my eyes for you.

"Queen Allura..." I give the slightest nod of acknowledgment. "I did not expect you to come to Doom." It is a lie I speak, for I knew you would come. I've left you no other choice. I've refused your calls, ignored your letters. The many petitions you've sent me? They've all been shredded, not even so much as a glance being spared their way. I've ignored you thoroughly, giving you a taste of what it's like to be denied something you so desperately need.

Just as you denied me that which I once needed. It is fitting that the roles are reversed, and you'll find I am no more merciful than you were, Allura. But unlike me, you weren't the only one to suffer for my disinterest. All of Arus has, your people starving, sick and dying. The death toll rises on that war stricken planet, with no Voltron to protect you. Once I would have gladly slipped into that role, would have played savior to you and your people in a heartbeat. But I am no longer a foolish, love sick prince.

The Lotor you once knew? The man who would have leapt to attention at the slightest snapping of your fingers? He is long gone. And only the King remains, the ruler of an Empire so vast it dwarfs you pitiable planet.

You and your world are beneath my notice. And that is something I've made you realize with my silence, my lack of interest in Arus' problems. It is what drives you, bringing you to make the perilous journey to my world. All on the hope that some remaining affection can be used against me, used to improve Arus' situation. I will not be so easily played, nor can you hope to manipulate me. Instead I will be the one to lay out the terms, and you will have little choice but to accept them if you want Arus' saved.

I know you Allura. You're still the same bleeding heart, the same earnest soul that works for the good of the people. The same woman that would starve herself if it meant a child could eat. Willing to do just about anything to help another, you've finally fallen enough to come crawling to me.

"I had to see you." Allura tells me. Her eyes stay on me, tracking my movements as I walk over to stand before a window. The view is different from what it once was, a thriving city built up around the castle that is my home. But I am not looking at the buildings, or the people that walk on the city's streets. Instead I am studying Allura's reflection, watching how she fidgets with her hands, betraying her nervousness. It bothers her that I make no response to her words, Allura chewing at her bottom lip.

"Why have you ignored me?" She asks, and even her voice sounds weak. Vulnerable. "Why have you refused my calls..?."

"I am a busy man, your highness." I tell her. "I simply do not have the time to speak with everyone who would call on the ruler of the Doom Empire." Her reflection seems to wince, and all because Allura remembers a time when I wouldn't have ignored her calls.

"What about the letters I sent? The official requests? Surely you had time to look them over..." But uncertainty is in her voice.

"I have." But she doesn't have time to be relieved. "My decision remains the same. Doom will no longer send aid to Arus."

"Why?" A single word, but all the hurt, bewilderment she feels is in it.

"It's got nothing to do with me." I sound unfeeling. "Or Doom."

"But..." She shakes her head no, looking as though she might cry. "Your highness, Arus needs that help. We need that money, and we need those soldiers. Without Voltron..."

"You're all but defenseless I know." I interrupt her. "But as Arus is now, it is a worthless planet. Far too in debt to ever repay the Empire for the aid we've given it in the past."

"We gave you Voltron." She points out. "Surely that..."

"Just how much worth do you put on that robot?" I demand harshly. "It's been ten years your highness. Ten years without a return on the Empire's investments. Voltron could only buy you so much help...without something of equal value, I'm sorry to say the Empire cannot help you."

"Lotor!" Again she breaks free of the distance our titles give us. "More of my people will die without your help...!"

"And I should care?" I ask. She twists her hands together, eyes looking very much like they will start to cry. I would relish those tears, savor her upset. Drive her further into the pits of desperation.

"You once would have." She finally says.

Once I would have done anything to please her. To win her. Even care about that pathetic planet, and it's people. I had been the desperate one, trying to get Allura to love me. To want me. Now Allura is the one who would do anything to go back to those days, to have me be the one to come begging at her door.

"I have become a practical man." I retort. "Show me there is still value in Arus, still a reason for the Empire to loan you money and ships and the soldiers to fly them. Give me a reason to help your world."

"It's the right thing to do."

"The right thing doesn't always benefit the Empire. The right thing won't bring a return on the Empire's investments, won't make up for the soldiers that might die fighting your wars. It won't give me a reason to explain to MY people why we waste time defending a world that is worthless."

"Lotor...please..." Her voice cracks on a sob. "I am begging you...Help Arus..." She is blinking rapidly, all in an effort to keep from crying.

"No." I start to say. "The Empire will not..."

"I am asking, begging YOU not the Empire...if...if ever I meant anything to you..."

"How terrible of you Allura. Trying to manipulate me." My tone is even colder now.

"My people are DYING. We don't even have the money to take care of ourselves. Please..." She takes a shuddering breath, head lowering. "I would do anything..." That word is laced with heavy meaning, but even then I do not pounce. I've waited ten years for this moment, a few minutes more won't hurt.

"Anything Lotor..." Allura continues, stressing the word. "Anything at all..."

"This meeting is over with." I say, turning away from the window. Her blue eyes look even darker, swelling with tears. It doesn't hurt me to see them, nor do I want to comfort her. I start moving forward, having to walk near to her to reach the room's door.

"Please..." Allura begs one more time, daring to reach for me with her hands. "I cannot go back to Arus without your promise to help us..."

I evade her touch but stop trying to go for the door. "And if I did help?" I ask. "If I lent you the money out of my own personal fortune, extended my hand rather than that of the Empire's?" She didn't so much as nod, just watching me with wet, desperate eyes. I knew that to Allura, it didn't matter where the money came from, just so long as she got it's promise. "What then?"

"Arus would be grateful..." She seemed to realize that wasn't enough. "I would be grateful."

"Gratitude is not enough." I inform her. "You will step down from your throne. You will give up control of Arus to me." I give her a bland smile. "I think we both can agree Arus will prosper far better under my guiding hand than yours."

She is ashamed then, Allura's cheeks turning red with embarrassment. But she can't deny that Arus has practically been ruined under her rule. For all her earnest attempts, Allura had never been able to get Arus out of it's financial slump through traditional means.

"I'll have my secretary prepare the paperwork." I continue, once again moving. I am almost out the door, when I pause. Acting as though the thought just occurred to me. "There is one more thing..."

She turns to look at me, so weary and defeated in the moment. "You will come to my bedroom this evening." I say it in such a way, there is no room for argument. Tonight will happen, and I will take the ultimate payment out of her body. Allura doesn't even try to protest, having known for a long time now that this was inevitable. But it doesn't stop her from crying once the door is closed, my sharp ears picking up the sounds of her sobs. I give in to my smirk then, leaning against the door. Wanting to laugh.

How long I have waited. The fall of Allura at long last at hand. It had taken a decade, ten long years. Ten years of remembering the day you rejected me, turned your back on everything I had offered you. It was the day I thought to myself how with these two hands I would destroy you, strip you of everything in my attempt to obtain you. You're not the Allura I once loved, you're someone different. Someone who is just as sweet to watch fall. I will catch you, but there will be no mercy in the saving.

Ended up being more a Drabble than anything...^^''

To Be continued...

Michelle


	2. Chapter 2

I hadn't been able to hold back my tears, the gut wrenching sobs making my whole body shudder. I cannot even say it was relief that moved me to such extremes, nor that of the knowledge that Arus would finally be saved. My people would live, their world ready to be rebuilt and prosper. It is sorrow plain and pure that moved me then. A lifetime of sorrow, of regrets, and what should have been.

It has been a tough ten years. Arus, never a particular thriving planet, has sunk so low as to be worthless. We can't even grow enough food to feed ourselves, not with the wars tearing apart the land. It is not just outside influence we have to fear, my own people have turned against each other. We've all become sad, desperate people. Ready to steal, to murder. Even to sell ourselves to the highest bidder.

But Arus holds little interest to other worlds. Why should they trouble themselves, why should they barter or purchase that which they can simple take? With no Voltron to protect us, we are easy pickings for any who come along.

The galaxy itself has changed these last ten years. The Galaxy Alliance has disbanded, and Garrison no longer trains soldiers. It's every world for itself, and many clamor eagerly to become part of the Doom Empire. What was once a fate more horrible than any to contemplate, is now a fate that is embraced eagerly. The Empire takes care of it's own, it's planets prospering. So what if some people are made slaves? It is better than dying, or living in poverty.

I have made Arus a mockery, an example of what happens to worlds that resist the Empire. Barely surviving, we've struggled for the better part of the decade, getting by only on the Empire's generosity. A generosity that has come to an end, the Empire pulling back it's aid. I've been left with no choice, months of petitioning, and trying to get in contact with the Empire's King, failing.

I knew Lotor was purposefully ignoring me, but it doesn't lessen my hurt. Doesn't soften the blow of his disinterest. It makes me want to start crying all over again, the wounds fresher now then they had been hours ago. And all because Lotor doesn't care. Hasn't for a long time now.

He's changed from the Lotor I once knew. The Lotor who had loved me. The Lotor who would have done anything to please me. I know I am at fault for his coldness, know that my complete rejection of him has led us to this point. I feel regret, but cannot change the past. Nor had I fully understood how much he had once loved me, until he went away. Until he agreed to leave me and Arus alone, rather than conquer my kingdom and force me to be his bride.

It was roughly ten years ago that I broke his heart so completely. Ten years ago that I refused him, making it clear I would rather die than be his. I had been so angry, so self righteous. Ready to throw my life away. In some ways I had, and Arus was the one to suffer for my unrelenting stubbornness.

There was no triumph in refusing him, no long lasting victory to savor. When I rejected the newly crowned King of the Doom Empire, he had made a complete withdrawal from Arus. We hadn't had time to celebrate. We had to work to try and recover from the war that had lasted for nearly twenty-one years. But recovering from all Doom had done required money, and Arus had little to offer in return for another world's investments. It's why we eventually gave up Voltron to the Empire, desperate for the financial support Doom promised us.

Giving up Voltron had left us vulnerable to other worlds. Even to those that had once allied with us. The Empire made a show of keeping them at bay, but Lotor once more withdrew support from my world. Voltron had bought us time, but not enough of it. Or the money we so desperately needed.

My kingdom wass in shambles, poverty all around me. People dying by the hour. I had no choice but to come to Doom. No choice but to try and meet with it's King. A part of me had feared that Lotor would turn me away. That he would reject me so completely. He hasn't, but the help I have obtained has come at a steep cost to me. I am being stripped of my power, my title and status. Arus will no longer be mine to rule. For good or for bad, it is now in the care of Lotor's hands.

My people will be saved. Peace and prosperity will grace Arus' lands at long last. But there is no peace in my heart, no end to my own anguish. The true suffering is just beginning, my humiliation at hand. I have fallen so low, I can't even begin to protest the things Lotor has demanded of me. But then, I always knew there was a chance of this happening. A chance that some part of him would still want me. He may not love me, but he still desires a taste of my body. I can only pray that taste will be enough to satisfy him.

No soldiers come to escort me to his private chambers. It is a test of my resolve, Lotor wanting to see if I am that desperate, that true to my word. I could easily refuse him, but then Arus would pay the price. With one word I could damn my planet, but avoid suffering humiliation at his hands. It's a humiliation I've long avoided, a humiliation I had thought to escape by rejecting him a decade ago. It seems an inevitable fate now, my love for Arus, leaving me with little option but to grovel before him. To give Lotor whatever he wants, in order to ensure my people's survival.

The long walk to Lotor's bedroom is an excruciating journey. I feel eyes on me, gleaming with cold amusement. Whispers follow in my wake, people laughing at the thought of my finally falling from grace. I pretend not to hear them, keeping my head held high. Keeping the tears at bay by digging my nails into my palms. I do not hurry, nor do I delay, trying to keep a mask of indifference to what will happen.

And yet I feel as though I am suffocating, my breath coming out faster, harsher by the time I am in front of Lotor's door. It is a struggle to get my breathing under control, my hand shaking as I knock softly on his door. A voice calls out, the door opening. Admitting me to the inner chamber that stands situated before his bedroom. The room itself is empty, but signs of his presence are everywhere.

I almost jump out of my skin when the door slides shut behind me. But no lock is engaged. I can still leave, still turn my back on everything. But I boldly step forward, going deeper into the wolf's den. There is an array of bottles on a table, all expensive brands of various liquors. I drift nearer, though I don't try to pour myself a drink. I haven't been invited to, and don't know what protocol to follow. I don't even know if I should remain dressed, or if he expects me to strip and ready myself for his possession.

I am already trembling. Lotor still does not show himself, leaving me to fidget as I stand. I haven't even tried to take a seat, not sure what to do. How long I will have to wait. And he does keep me waiting, a game designed to heighten my agitation. I take to pacing the length of the room, eyes drifting over the paintings on the walls. Studying them, but not recognizing the worlds they depict.

When the door to the bedroom opens, I nearly leap in fright. My eyes instantly meet Lotor's cold gaze, the King striding out of the bedroom. He makes no excuses for the wait, striding towards me. I ready myself, eyes taking in his imposing figure. Seeing how he wears a loosely belted robe that falls open enough to reveal his bare chest. From what I can see, he is as muscled as ever, chiseled perfection in a cold, cruel form.

He nears, and somehow I manage not to back up. But I can't hide my trembles, or how I stiffen at his approach. Shock goes through me when he passes by with no attempt to touch me. I stand speechless, then turn to track his movements. He has gone to the table, pouring himself a drink. He offers none to me, his eyes staring in an unsettling manner at me.

There is no heat in his gaze, no friendly warmth, or burning desire. He observes me as if I am little interest to him, as though I am a misplaced curiosity he doesn't care to remove. He is toying with me, like a cruel cat with a wounded mouse, holding no emotions for his prey.

"I..." My hesitant voice breaks the silence between us. "I wanted to thank you again, your highness." An eyebrow lifts, Lotor lowering himself onto a chair. "For agreeing to help Arus. It means a lot to me...more than you can perhaps realize."

A long pause between us, Lotor continuing to drink. I don't know what to do, what to say. "I think we are both aware of how much you value Arus."

Indeed we were, even though I had made stupid, foolish choices where Arus was concerned. Choices that helped guide the planet's downfall, choices that was nearly the ruin of my people. I can't help but flash back to that time ten years ago, when Lotor had all but begged me for my hand. And the crushing disappointment I had dealt out to him. I realize now so much could have been different. If I had only abandoned my pride and agreed to be his. Now I will have nothing, my own downfall engineered by my own foolish hands.

"I have always lived for Arus." I say out loud. "Always dedicated myself to the planet and it's people."

"Somehow I think you will continue to dedicate yourself to the people, even stripped of your title." Lotor tells me.

I nod though I feel as though he had slapped me with that comment. "Yes, of course." I say. "There is nothing I want more than Arus to prosper, for my people to be happy." Uncertainty fills me. "You will see to that, won't you?"

"The ink has barely had time to dry on the paperwork, and already you doubt me." The faintest hint of a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "You wound me Allura."

"I didn't mean to, your highness." I quickly apologize. "I just...just needed to be reassured. To be told all I have done hasn't been a vain sacrifice."

"There are no reassurances in life. You of all people should know that by now." He finishes his drink, setting the glass down. "Now...you know why you are here?" Cautiously I nod, seeing that self satisfied smirk slowly appear. "Then there's no need to waste either one of our breaths with any further attempts at talk." A lift of his eyebrow. "Or do you think to delay what will happen?"

"That was not my intention!" I protest, but my stomach is twisting into knots. "I just..." I silence myself. How can I tell him I had wanted to make this seem less than it was. To take away the feel of this being just one more business transaction to him. I know I am no longer special to Lotor, but couldn't he allow me to retain some illusion of that? To allow me the luxury of pretending this was something other than my whoring myself out for my people? Something more meaningful than what it really was?

Thankfully Lotor doesn't ask me to finish that thought out loud. He merely leaned back in his chair, idly gesturing me to come closer with his fingers. My mouth instantly goes dry, but I obey. As much as I don't want to do this, I also don't have a choice in the matter. Arus must be saved. I will do anything to ensure Lotor aids and protects my people.

He has me stop just short of him. It seems he is not ready to touch me. Instead he speaks, that too cruel smirk on his face. "Take off your clothes." Something inside me flinches, my eyes closing in resignation. It seems a million times more humiliating to have to undress myself. To stand there stripped in front of him, Lotor's eyes showing nothing more than cold amusement. I have no choice, to refuse now would be to condemn Arus to further troubles. And so my shaking fingers begin to unbutton the back of my dress.

He stares at me with no discernible reaction. Watching my face which is turning red in humiliation. I desperately want a drink, as though it could numb me to this indignity. The dress loosen, and I roll my shoulders to shrug out of it. It slides down my body, and reveals my all too plain underwear. I suppose I shouldn't have even bothered to wear anything under it, but I am not that shameless.

A gesture from him indicates my bra is to come off. My cheeks redden further, my chest growing tight. But I remove it, and my panties follow. He doesn't allow me any modesty, won't tolerate my hands trying to cover my body. Instead I have to stand there, hands at my sides while he inspects me at his leisure. The burning in my cheeks intensifies, Lotor's insolent gaze roaming over my curves. It feels like an eternity must pass, before he has looked his fill.

"Still as beautiful as ever Allura." Lotor finally praises me. "Time may not have been kind to your planet, but it has been to you." I say nothing, Lotor lifting his gaze to my face. "Don't you know enough to thank a King when he praises you?"

"Th...thank you." I stammer, fighting to keep my hands from clenching into fists. He's noticed the tremble in my arms, the way my fingers tried to curl. It makes him grin, his eyes darkening with intent.

"I want you on your knees." He tells me, smug with the certainty I cannot deny him this. And I can't, my body slowly moving, bringing me down to the floor. I'm only inches away from him, and yet it seems a mile I must crawl. Some part of me is already moving, even before he looks at me with cold demand. I crawl so that I end up kneeling between his spread legs, staring up at him with what surely had to be a nervous expression.

"You know what to do." He's not going to ease me into it, waiting almost impatiently for me to loosen his robe's belt. To pull back the silk fabric, and reveal a part of him that is large enough to be frightening. Lotor's cock is more than impressive, it's size obscene. I feel real fear, wondering how my body can hope to take it. I've had lovers in the past, but none as equipped as the King.

I've been caught staring at it. Lotor's eyes are on me, drinking in my trepidation. A shudder goes through me, and once again I close my eyes. But the reality of what is happening is not so easily vanquished. Lotor is still there, still waiting when I open them again. His cock seems to twitch for my attention, and I swallow back my protests. I cannot control the shaking in my hand, fingers trembling so badly as I reach for him.

I make a sound low in my throat, shocked to realize he hasn't reached his full erect state. My trembling fingers curl around his shaft, and then I am stroking him. My motions are more sure than the feelings I have inside me. On some level I realize it is better to hurry this along, to get it over with all the quicker. I work to arouse him, squeezing my hand into a firm fist as I work him over. He doesn't move with me, the rest of his body relaxed as he makes me do all the work. A spike of anger goes through me, but I have no real right to it. I made this happen by coming to Doom.

As I stroke him, I feel the veins that bulge on his shaft. He throbs with too much life and vitality, and moisture begins to bead on the tip of him. But he is nowhere near close to erupting, Lotor expecting a lot more than just my hand to give him the satisfaction he seeks. Closing my eyes, I bend over his lap, forcing myself to touch my tongue to his tip. His salty fluid is a bitter taste on my tongue, hard to stomach and even worse to swallow. But I continue to lick, hearing the first signs of his interest in the way his breathing sharpens.

My hand eases downwards, finding his balls. Fondling them, massaging the seed that is swollen inside them. I lick harder at the head of his cock, then trace a vein downwards with my tongue. I pay special attention to the underside, even going so far as to gently graze my teeth on that sensitive skin. It's the right move. Drules like a little pain with their sex.

Lotor has yet to touch me one time. He's not saying anything, not even letting out a moan to show if I am doing right by him. Only his breathing shows he is affected by what I am doing, my tongue continuing to lick at him, treating him like he is a creamy treat. I pay special care to the oozing head of him, swirling my tongue over the spot where his own fluid lingers. It is a daunting thought to take him inside my mouth, an act I try to put off by licking him as much as I can. Trying to bring him with just the play of my tongue. But Lotor has too much experience to give in to some simple and unsatisfying a conclusion as that. As the time ticks away, I feel his impatience. His gruff growl commands me to stop teasing, and do what I must.

I'm still hesitating as I take his cock into my mouth. Letting just the head be enveloped past my lips. An impatient thrust from him has more enter me, several inches worth tearing a startled protest from me. He doesn't heed it, insisting I take more of him. Deeper until he is touching my throat, my jaw aching from how wide it must open to accommodate him. Tears of pain form in my eyes, Lotor's hands suddenly in my hair. But it is no soothing touch meant to comfort me. He has no interest in my upset, wanting me to continue with seeing to his pleasure.

At his hand's urgings, I begin to bob my head up and down. It's either move, or have him continue to thrust into me. At least this way I can somewhat control the pace, keep myself from choking on him.

"That's good Allura..." He tells me, keeping a tight grip on my hair. "Just like that." A roll of my eyes has me looking up at him, and I don't succeed in hiding my anger. My fury over being used like this. He actually laughs in response to it, Lotor telling me it's a good look for me. I want to bite him then, but he's too deep in me, my jaw frozen.

"Use your tongue more." Lotor advises me. His eyes are dark, his expression heavy with arousal. I wonder how he can keep from moaning, my tongue coming into play. Brushing over the underside of his dick in an almost frantic motion. It's becoming increasingly difficult to breathe, and I wonder if he intends to have me pass out before this game of his ends. Certainly there's no reason for him to hold back his climax, he has nothing to prove to me with a show of stamina and restraint.

I really am crying by the time he lets out a warning growl. "I'm coming Allura. Swallow it." It's no question what I must do, he lets loose when he is deep inside me, shooting much down my throat. I gag on it, fearing I will be sick. A thick creamy load is poured down my throat, his taste magnified by the dozen.

His hands don't let go of my hair until he is done coming. He held me in place, keeping me from jerking back at the moment of his climax. I had no choice but to swallow it as much of it as I could, and even then some dribble out the corner of my mouth. His eyes look at me, dark and unfathomable in the moment. "Clean yourself up." He orders, then stands. He makes no effort to close his robe, stepping past me. I wonder if it's over, if it really can end with just his climax. That hope is dashed when he calls out to me from over his shoulder, ordering me to come to his bedroom. The night is just beginning, and I haven't begun to pay for Arus' salvation.

To Be Continued...

Michelle


	3. Chapter 3

The robe flap carelessly at my sides, the expensive fabric the perfect frame for my body. The black offsets the azure color of my skin, the white of my hair a stark contrast on the fabric. Many a woman has fallen to her knees in worship in response to such a sight, hunger in their eyes for the chance to devour me whole. It's not a hunger Allura had shown me, the woman more sad and resigned than anything else. She had actually started crying by the time I took my finish inside her mouth, suffering through it like it was the greatest of indignities. I supposed to her it is, especially given how Allura had once told me death was preferable to suffering my touch.

My anger with her, ever present, boils over in my actions. I viciously jerk off my robe, not caring that the silk tears in the process. I have others, carelessly flinging the damaged robe against a wall. It doesn't avoid the glass decorations on a shelf, knocking several over. They smash against the floor, but even that doesn't matter. Little does in the moment, not even the remembered feel of how it felt to have thrust deep inside her mouth.

I am not satisfied with the climax she gave me. My body feels tense, but more than that it is still aroused. Eager for more. It won't take much time before I am inside her, burying deep in an effort to somehow appease my raging lust for her. It's not love I feel, it's desire plain but powerful in it's potency. A desire that had been waiting for more then ten years, lust going unfulfilled until this past moment.

I should be gloating but I am not. And all because I think on how things should have been, on how good it would have been between us if only she had said yes ten years ago. I would have worshipped her. I would have treated her like the Queen she deserved to be, the sole center of my universe. Now she means little to me except a means to end an obsession. Tonight I will prove Allura holds no power over my heart, freeing myself from any lust, any desire I still retained for her. She will be just one more woman, another notch on a bed that has seen much action.

It should be easy. I have had many women over the years. Beauties from all corners of the Denubian galaxy, both slaves and free women. I've had women beg for the privilege of being bedded by me, women throwing themselves at me in tears over the thought of being separated from me. I barely remember more than a handful of faces, and can't even put names to them. Only Allura stands out, and that is because I once loved her.

Once I wanted her to be my everything. Once I wouldn't have treated her so harshly, so inconsiderately. Once upon a time, I would never have dreamed of making her cry, of shoving my cock into her throat. I would have been happy with whatever she gave me, letting her go at her own pace, rather than brutalize her in such a way. But that is a Lotor from a lifetime ago. A Lotor who believed love was precious. I know better now. Know that nothing is sacred, and that nothing matters but getting my own pleasured satisfaction out of a woman.

She is right to cry. I am a Lotor who won't hold back, who won't show her the care and consideration I once thought Allura deserved. Tonight is all about me, about my needs, my satisfaction.

"I don't like to be kept waiting, Allura." I call out sharply. She kept me waiting for over ten years, and I will not let her do so for even a few minutes more. Not even for Allura to recover from how I had treated her, the former Queen still kneeling where I left her. Trying and failing not to sob. The tears both please and anger me, the warring emotions a perverse contrast. I think she exaggerates her disgust with what happened, and yet I relish the fact that she realizes how hopeless her situation truly is.

Am I able to keep indifferent when she enters the bedroom? Not quite. Not with anticipation coloring my eyes. I stare at her as she walks towards me, towards the bed. It is an unwavering look, one she is uncomfortable with. She starts to shift her arms, trying to cover herself. Trying to protect herself from my gaze. But her nipples are hard, fear making them that way.

She stops just before the bed. I am perched on the edge, extending a hand to her in invitation. She hesitates, but ultimately takes hold of my hand. That is all I need to jerk her to me, leaving her standing between my spread legs. The difference in height is vast, but seated I find myself just about even with her breasts. A flush colors over the top of them, Allura's blush starting to descend down her body. How charming I think, the words laced with sarcasm.

I let go of her hand, my own being placed on her waist. Holding her trapped for what I will do. I'm eyeing those fear stiffened nipples, almost licking my lips in hunger. I HAVE to taste her. I can't let the night end without sampling her at least once. And I won't.

Allura stiffens when I brush my lips over one taut nipple. Is it her fear that makes her act as though she is an untried virgin? Or does she not want to feel pleasure at my touch? A new anger fills me, along with a vindictiveness that surprises me. I will show her how good it could have been between us. I will build up regret inside her, making her mourn what she had passed over in rejecting me.

She wants to wrench herself away, when my lips open. When I bring my tongue forward to lave teasingly over her nipple. Her hands are at her sides, Allura clenching them into fists. But she doesn't strike me. Doesn't attempt to push me away, though her body is trying to lean back. Is it a conscious reaction? I can't tell for sure. But my hand's grip on her waist keeps her from fleeing my mouth, my tongue continuing it's teasing affection.

Such tender morsels, my tongue washes over them. I tease one nipple, then switch to the other, leaving both wet and surely aching for relief. I won't give it to her just yet, instead grazing my teeth against one, feeling how she startles in my hands. I could bleed her now, but I hold back the impulse to bite down. She is not Drule, and she will not appreciate that kind of foreplay.

For a brief time, I abandon her nipples completely. Kissing all over her breasts instead. Allura is grinding her teeth together, trying to hold in her sounds. It's a contest of wills, to see who will break first. Will she cry out, or will I have to demand she let me hear her pleasured voice? I keep on teasing her, and only when her nails are now digging into my forearms, do I let go of her waist. Allura is now clinging to me, rather than trying to get away, and I delight in breaking down her feeble resistance.

My hands cup her breasts, squeezing them eagerly. She is tender there, and a protesting whimper finally escapes her. My eyes glow with a mocking light as I gaze up at her blushing face, my fingers continue to knead and squeeze her. She closes her eyes, and I speak.

"You are going to watch Allura." I tell her in a commanding tone. "You are going to see every second of this." I want her to never forget the sight of me loving on her body, want the memory of me seared into her mind so that every time she closes her eyes, Allura flashes back to this moment.

This time when she stiffens against me, her back arches so that her breasts are thrust before me even more. I don't take my eyes off her face, our gazes locked together as my lips fasten around one of her nipples. Helpless arousal is in her eyes, along with the reluctant enjoyment she is feeling. She doesn't want to like what I am doing, but this body of hers is starved for any affection I'll show it.

I am not gentle once her nipple is enveloped in my mouth. I lick and I pull on it, tugging with my teeth. Using my mouth to exert an intense force of suction that tears a mewling cry from her. She grows unstable, body shaking so that my hands go back to gripping her waist. She is remaining upright, only by how we hold onto each other, Allura's legs shaking. And yet I show her no mercy, continuing the pleasurable assault. I don't remain unaffected, my cock already swelling back to life. It wants inside her, and doesn't want to wait for any games I might play with her.

I growl, and it is a mix of frustration and anger. This is not how it's supposed to be. I should be in control of my reactions, the master of all my desires. My cock shouldn't be raging out of control, trying to force on me it's demands. I should be able to control myself, to continue to tease Allura all I want. And yet that pressing need between my legs is making me aware of how powerless I have become. It's Allura's fault, and I can only pray I will be in better control once I've buried my cock inside her sex.

Almost savage as I suck, I suddenly roll us both. I take her from standing before the bed, to laying beneath me. Her startled gasp is loud, her eyes wide and frightened. That look intensifies when she feels my cock rub up against her slit. It's clear she hadn't expected me to be recovered yet, but I can't even smile at that unexpected naivety of hers.

Already I am pushing inside her, not even taking the time to make sure she is wet enough. It is a small mercy that she is, Allura having been unable to resist the attention I gave to her breasts. I want to tease her about her body's reaction to me, but as I bury inside her, the words are stolen from me so that only a guttural growl escapes me. She feels damn near perfect, her insides squeezing around my cock. Snug and warm, I don't take the time to properly savor the feel of her. I am already thrusting, drawing the length of me over every inch inside her. Striking deep and making her gasp again.

I like the sounds she makes, that helpless keening. I bite at her shoulder, holding her down as I work my hips, pounding into her with unmatched strength and speed. There is no reason for me to hold back, it's not as though she's a virgin. Nor should Allura matter enough for me to care if I am causing her discomfort or pain. I want what she owes me, as though she could ever pay me back for the years wasted without her, and the humiliation of my shattered heart. Do I feel any remorse that the inside of her thighs will be bruised? Not when she felt no remorse for breaking my heart.

She's not trying to move with me, Allura just laying there. As if that could somehow appease the fury within me. I slide my hands under her ass, gripping her there as I furiously thrust. Forcing her to move in a way designed to heighten my pleasure. I want to melt inside her, and only the thought that this will be over, keeps me from coming. I want this moment to last, want it to go on and on, for eternity if need be.

But even my stamina is not so great as to last forever. How many minutes pass? Does even a half n hour go by, before I am roaring out my release? Screaming wordless as my seed ejects out of me just as violently as my thrusts had been? I pump several more times inside her, more come erupting from me. Allura's gone limp beneath me, but she hasn't fainted. She's staring wide eyed up at me, eyes wet but also frustrated. She hasn't climaxed, and yet she seems relieved by that. As though her lack of orgasm somehow made this moment less humiliating for her.

I don't get to enjoy my own orgasm because of that realization. I want her to know what she could have enjoyed as my wife. I want Allura to know pleasure so intense, so profound, she will never find it with anyone else. Even as I grow soft inside her, I make a vow. The night will not end until I've done all I can to make her understand what she gave up on.

To Be Continued...*blush*

Michelle


	4. Chapter 4

The sex with Lotor had been uncomfortable, in more ways than I could imagine. As humiliating as I had anticipated, and made even more so by my body's own reactions to him. I had responded to him, to the play of his mouth on my skin. My nipples which had started out stiff with fear, soon ached with a feeling of a different kind, yearning to feel his lips around them.

With his mouth pulling insistently on my breasts, I had grown wet. My body hadn't cared that it shamed me by doing so, an unfamiliar neediness filling me. Turning me from the woman who wanted to get away, to some stranger who clung to Lotor for the feelings he roused in me. I can only be grateful I hadn't made a complete fool of myself, further lewd behavior held off only because Lotor hadn't taken the foreplay any further.

A part of me wants to think he had become impatient. But that can't possibly be. Not after that first climax where he had come inside my mouth. That climax should have taken the edge off his hunger, left him satisfied enough for him to think clearly on his next move. That he hadn't bothered to play with my body any more, it seemed a calculated move. He wasn't interested in my pleasure, and he sought to remind me of that again and again with the ways he hurt and used me.

My thighs are bruised, and there is discomfort between my legs. I hadn't been a virgin, but it had been a few years since my last lover. That had been a mistake. I should have taken a lover before coming here, if only to prepare my body for Lotor's possession of it. Such an oversight can't be corrected now, Lotor's girth having forced my body to stretch to accommodate his impressive size.

That's not the only pain I have. Even hours later, my throat still bothers me and there is pain in my shoulder where he had bitten me. He had broken the skin, a thin trickle of blood decorating my shoulder. It has dried by now, but I can't stop feeling the aches and pains of my body. For all my hurt, I am restless. Unable to lay besides Lotor and sleep. He has had no such problem, drifting off with his back to me. I am surprised he hasn't sent me from the room, but then I know he will most likely want to continue with these humiliating acts once he awakens. I wonder what will be next, wonder how he will hurt me this time.

Tears are ever present in my eyes. They want to fall, but I fight them, knowing if I give in I will sob. The sounds of grief I make will wake up Lotor, but the King will not comfort me for my sadness. He will just use me, take what he wants and then dismiss me. I want that dismissal, the night seeming to stretch on endlessly. Part of me is coiled with tension, ripe with dissatisfaction. It is almost always like this after sex, regardless of who my partner is. Why should it be any different with Lotor, with a man who cares nothing about my own pleasure?

I make a sniffling sound then, not wanting to reflect on my limited sexual past. Or the reason why I so often avoid taking lovers. Sex has never really been enjoyable to me, the few times I've actually climaxed being a happy accident. An act that surprised both myself and whoever happened to be my partner at that time. I've long suspected I am a frigid woman, a being not designed to enjoy being used in that way. It doesn't make it easier to accept, my body capable of going to those peaks, but almost never falling over in the ultimate bliss. It makes sex a pointless, frustrating act, my body merely the vessel for others to find their enjoyment. I am not surprised it is the same with Lotor, though for one brief, horrifying moment I thought I would come.

It wouldn't have been worth it. To have that kind of pleasure from a man that despises me? A man I don't like, and have feared my entire adult life? Surely it would have destroyed something in me. I tell myself I am relieved to have been denied, but some doubting voice whispers in my mind. It is the same voice that tells me if I must do this with Lotor, I might as well enjoy what happens. But that is something I cannot stomach, thinking it is better he hurts and use me than shows me any tender care.

It fits in my image of Lotor. In the image of the merciless, sex obsessed tyrant. The one who takes rather than gives, and by gods I have the pains to prove it now. He is an inconsiderate monster, forcing me to use my body as the coin to purchase the help Arus needs. Not only has he hurt me, he tears apart my future, stripping me of my title. I don't know what I will do now that I am no longer a Queen. Now that I can no longer rule over Arus. I may not have been a very effective ruler, but I had tried my best for my people.

Sometimes I wonder if I could have done better if I had married. But my marriage prospects have always been limited, even after Lotor stopped his pursuit of me. Arus, always a poor world, had been unable to attract suitable candidates for my hand. The worlds that were powerful enough to help and protect Arus? They couldn't be bothered with allying with such a weak world. Especially when we no longer had Voltron to sweeten the deal.

Even less fortunate worlds didn't often leap to the chance to unite with Arus. Yes, I am beautiful, but beauty is not enough when considering an alliance that will permanently tie two worlds together. I had little to offer to entice the appropriate suitors, and had resigned myself to living a lonely life. A life where I would sneak treasured moments with a lover when I could.

I regret that I wasn't able to help Arus by marrying well. But a selfish part of me can't imagine tying myself to a man who would make demands of me. A man who would want me to fulfill his sexual needs night after night, with little chance for my own needs being met in that way. I've given up on love, on sexual satisfaction. I threw myself into saving my planet, on working with the people for their benefit.

I can't lie and say I've been happy. Arus is in too damaged a state, my people dying slowly. My hands have been dirty with the blood, sweat and tears needed to help just a small fraction of people survive. There's been no glittering gowns, no parties and celebrations. Only hard work that results in little positive pay out.

I sigh, my breath shuddering out of me louder then I would like. I angrily bring my hands to my face, using the backs of them to brush at my wet eyes. I don't know if it's the sound I made, or my movements that has awake him, but Lotor is stirring besides me. I stiffen besides him, mentally trying to prepare myself to be used by him a third time.

He doesn't turn right away. I almost hope he will fall back asleep. But I am not so lucky, Lotor shifting. Those cold, alien eyes of his meet mine but he says nothing about the tortured look I am wearing. There is no tenderness in his expression, no warmth for me. It is unsettling to be looked at in that manner, especially when I have memories of how he used to look at me. Looks that scared me with the intensity of his desire, the depths of his feeling. But the fear of those is nothing compared to the fright I feel to be regarded so coldly.

I can't look away from his gaze. Not even to check to see if his body is aroused. I am sure it must be. He has proven how hungry a lover he is. But lover doesn't feel the right word, giving us an intimacy that doesn't fit regardless of all the sex we have had. I am just a toy for him to use, a body to slake his lust. Any other name would give value to an act that has none.

He moistens his lips, but before he can speak, I talk. Trying to show I am unaffected by all that has happened, and all that will continue to happen. "Shall I spread my legs now?" It is a disinterested tone I use, an attempt to prove to him that this is nothing more than business between us.

His eyes darken with some unfathomable anger. Have I killed his perverse joy by acting so cold, so distant? But it doesn't cool his lust, Lotor nodding his head, Giving me a cruel, mocking smile that cuts deep to my heart. He's never smiled at me like that in the past, but then he's doing a lot of things he's never gotten to do before.

I spread my legs, and it hurts some. I didn't bleed from the sex, but it feels as though he had rubbed me raw with the brutal, frantic way he had at me. Is there any concern in his eyes for the way I winced? I think not. Lotor rolls onto me, and I brace myself for the worst, my legs spread so he can position himself in between them. Is he cruel enough to take me dry? But the answer comes when he kisses my belly. Apparently not, Lotor's hands gripping my hips. Holding me in place as he teases my naval.

That is nowhere near enough to get me squirming. I lay impassively beneath him, watching his every action. I am not expecting him to go lower. If anything I expect him to tease my breasts again. It's worked in the recent past to get me wet, so why tamper with a proven method? But lower he goes, and my breath hitches in a kind of fearful dread. He can't truly mean to use his mouth on me there?

I can't understand why he would bother. Why he would slide down my body, his hands caressing the inside of my thighs. Those caressing hands turn gripping, his claws digging into me as he prevents me from snapping my legs close. I don't want him to lick me, don't want him to pretend he is concerned on getting me wet enough to receive him.

"Lotor...don't..." It is not quite begging I do, my tone more forceful than it should be with the man who holds Arus' salvation in his hands. For one-second I am the Queen I once was, proud, defiant, and commanding. It all shatters apart when he glares at me, Lotor reminding me he is King here. And as such his will and desires will be followed. I am cowed by the reminder, but also shocked by the realization that he wants to taste me in this way. I don't understand what his game is, what possibly pleasure he can get out of committing this act.

Still holding my legs apart, he bends over my sex. His long hair falls forward, brushing against my skin. It is a tickling sensation, but even that is not enough to make me relax. I cannot smile, I cannot laugh. I can only hold my breath, and hope he will lose interest soon enough.

The first touch of his tongue is not enough to make me gasp. I am too tense, too rigid to properly enjoy it. He notices it, ordering me to relax but it is not so easy to that. He's still holding my legs apart, his tongue playing only on the slit of my sex. But all too soon he uses his fingers to spread me open, exposing the pink flesh he had abused so recently. I don't like being examined so thoroughly there, Lotor studying me a moment, before resuming his tongue's motions.

Lotor is not rushed as he licks me, as though he has all the time in the world to devote himself to this particular act. His tongue's stroke are slow, and though I try not to, I feel every inch they lick across. Little by little, I start to grow damp, enough moisture pooling that I would be able to accommodate him. I wait for him to stop, and he doesn't, continuing that infuriating licking.

"Enough your highness." I breathe out, daring to reach down in an attempt to haul his face away. "I am wet enough now for you..." I am shocked by the furious growl he lets out, Lotor glaring at me.

"I will decide if you are or are not wet enough." He tells me, then goes back to licking me. I am not proud that I panic, outright pushing at his head. Trying to dislodge him, as he fights to remain in place. Another growl erupts from him, Lotor glaring up at me. "Control yourself, or I will restrain you."

The thought of being tied is too much for me, my stomach fluttering in anxiety. I fall back limp against the mattress, enduring his tongue as it moves over my sleek folds. At some point I've started to tremble, but it doesn't all have to do with fear. He is doing something to me, building up a feeling inside me that is unexpected and unwanted. Again I try to plead with him, begging him to stop, to just take me. Sadistic bastard that he is, Lotor ignores me, keeping firm grip on my legs.

A strangled moan escapes me with his tongue's touch on my clitoris. The flesh is extra sensitive there, and Lotor knows what he's doing, circling his tongue in a teasing manner one minute, the next licking it hard. He adjusts his grip on my legs, freeing up a hand. Bringing his fingers to stroke along my wet sex, as he continues to torment my clit. I can't keep my sounds in, moaning in defeat. I can't even take pride that I've been able to keep my hips from moving, having stopped myself from trying to grind onto his tongue.

His fingers slide into me, and I find myself tightening to keep him there. The thrusting motion mixed with the way he laps at my sex? It's making me melt, my whole body tingling with awareness. With a kind of strained feeling that wants to erupt into pleasure. Lotor's using lips, tongue and teeth in addition to those fingers to drive me mad. I am protesting this, openly weeping for I don't want him to take from me my one last defense. How can I walk away unscarred if he does to me what few men have been able to do, and none on purpose?

And yet my climax will not be stopped, not with Lotor so insistent upon it. I feel reality break, his fingers penetrating as deep as they can. I scream, whole body shuddering with the near violent climax that goes roaring through me. Lights flash before my eyes, I feel as though I am flying. The room seems to spin, I am dizzy and only when my breathing regains some semblance of normalcy do I realize Lotor is STILL licking me.

I can't stop the tears, trying to squirm away. Wanting this madness to stop. Why must he so thoroughly humiliate me? Why must he make me feels things I never felt with another man? And yet he holds me down effortlessly, pleasuring me in an attempt to leave himself ingrained on every inch of me. I am shaking, a combination of lust and fear. I don't want to be owned by him so completely, and yet Lotor will allow no other outcome. He wants to make sure I never forget this moment, never forget this time with him. It's already too late for me, these moments emblazoned in my memory. I hate him for doing this to me and I hate myself for responding so well to his manipulations of my body.

I cannot stop the second orgasm form rippling through my body. It is no less intense than the first one, perhaps even more so. I tremble and go wild beneath his mouth, feeling his fingers still thrusting merciless inside me. I am thoroughly drenched, and he is drinking me down as though I am the finest wine he has ever tasted. I scream, part in pleasure, part in fury. I am so sensitive the third climax comes immediately after, shuddering through me. I've never been one to climax even one time, let alone multiple times in a matter of minutes.

I hate him for showing me this. For introducing me to a pleasure I might never be able to obtain again. I am writhing in bed beneath him, and only the thought that I might endanger Arus' future keeps me from spitting in his face, and cursing his name.

*embarrassed blush as I fan myself.* Tee hee!

To be continued...so smutty this series...:O

-Michelle


	5. Chapter 5

The taste of Allura is potent on my tongue, salty desire that is somehow sweetly satisfying. It makes me thirst for more, an uncontrollable desire to possess Allura down to every fiber of her being. It is not a desire I even attempt to fight, using my tongue in many wicked ways. Bringing her screaming, crying into orgasm again and again. She hates me for it, and hates herself for being so responsive to me. It only makes me want to tease her more, to be so cruel as to bring her to her peak a fourth time.

It's only fair. Fantasies and regret have tormented me for a decade, and all were focused on the woman beneath me. On the having of her. Once I had wanted her love, to share these moments as the culminate of our mutual affection. Now there is no such feeling, anger and resentment filling us both. It drives me to hurt her, to use her in any way I can. Even bringing her to climax is a victory, a sweet savoring I relish. And all because I know Allura hadn't wanted to enjoy anything I did to her in this bed.

My eyes gleam but she is in no position to see the feelings darkening them. She is flat on her back, tears trailing down her cheeks as she gazes up at the ceiling. She almost seems unaware of what is going on, too lost to the feel of my tongue's merciless strokes. She's screamed several times, but no one will come to investigate Allura's anguish. No one will even think to care that she might be suffering at my hands.

I'm suffering too, my cock so swollen it hurts. It pulsates and twitches, throbbing violently as though it could get off from the sounds of Allura's cries alone. I've dribbled steadily on the bed sheets, precome emerging easily from me. I am tempted to make Allura take me in her mouth again, but the lesson I want to instill in her is not over with. I want to possess her in ways she hadn't expected. Own her so thoroughly she is ruined for other men. Nothing and no one will make her feel the way I have, lust and loathing mingling to make some new emotion that sickens her.

I will get her addicted to me. I will make Allura crave me, crave the things I can do to her. The things I can make her feel. No one else will satisfy in my place, even as she hates and despises me. It's those thoughts that keep me from shifting, keep me from soothing my hard cock inside her wetness. I crave to thrust into her, but there is it's own satisfaction in having Allura spread out before me like a banquet.

Her chest is heaving with every breath, her beautiful breasts seeming to quiver. Perspiration has beaded on her skin, Allura looking exhausted from my attentions. Weak human that she is, I have tired her out yet I have boundless energy. Nor am I limited by care, ready to work her to the point she collapses in a faint. I will have my satisfaction, a million climaxes stolen between us before I am done with her.

My tongue hasn't stopped while I think these thoughts. She's moaning, practically whimpering. I'd make her scream my name before I'm through with her, my tongue licking her luxuriously as my fingers probed inside her. A familiar tightening of her insides, and then she is squealing. Thrashing about as best she can considering I hold her down.

She can't quite calm down, body too sensitive. But she gets enough coherent thought to gently touch my hair. To smooth fingers against my scalp, the touch so tender it is out of place for the animosity we both feel. I raise up to look at her, Allura exhaling sharply. "Your highness...please..." Allura looks feverish and frantic, as though she cannot take much more of this. But she will, my fingers continuing to move inside her. "Please wait..."

I don't ask her if she likes it. I know she both does and doesn't, the pleasure proving too much for her. She continues to shake, closing her eyes for one moment as another frantic moan is torn out of her. I feel as though I could keep doing this all night, even though my cock is an ache that protests it's own lack of satisfaction. It's so gratifying to tease her, to make her mad with desire.

"Don't!" She cries out panicked, when I dip my tongue inside her. "Please...don't tease me anymore!" Desperation colors her words, but her eyes as angry as they are, are also colored with heavy arousal. It was a wild inflammatory effect, especially with Allura spread out before me, her breasts quivering with each unsteady breath. I want to fall on her, to touch and lick and bite everywhere. But there is danger in what I am doing. I could easily become just as addicted as I am trying to make her. That will not do. She will be the slave, in thrall to my whims rather than I to her.

Once I would have treated her as my equal. As more than my equal, gladly being her slave. I would have leapt to her commands, strove to any length to keep her from ever experiencing sadness. Now I want to make her cry, to drive her mad and ruin her. Break her the way she broke my heart. I won't even pick up the pieces when I am done, leaving her broken on the floor.

But we're a long way from that moment, and even I realize one night will not be enough to destroy her the way she had destroyed me. Sometimes I think I have never recovered from the hurt she had dealt me, the crushing disappointment. Allura made me realize love doesn't trump all, that it can be meaningless. I had loved her, and wanted her to love me back, but she had been set on denying me. On thinking me a monster. I wasn't then, but I am now, having years to harbor resentment and rage. And it's all coming out now to batter her body.

And yet a part of me realizes I want her in a way that I have never wanted another woman in all my adult years. It could be fatal, this want. It would be all too easy for her to turn it against me, if she would only realize just how strongly I desire her. I have had hundreds of women in an attempt to heal from Allura, and yet for all my experience, this single woman still controls me by my cock.

I have to get Allura out of my system. I have to use her as many times as it takes, both to save myself and to damn her. Every moment is trying to sweep out of my control, to go from the safe harbor of easy lust. I had always known Allura would be extraordinary, and this time with her is doing nothing to disavow me of that notion. It makes me growl, the sound infuriating. Allura gasps, and somehow manages to pull away from me. She puts herself at the headboard of the bed, frightened and staring at me as though I have become a rabid animal. Maybe I have, the urge to pounce and mark her strong in me.

I won't give her a reassuring smile, won't do anything to calm her. Instead I do pounce, grabbing at her. Falling on her flesh with an abandoned hunger, doing tender bites on her breasts that don't break the skin. She squirms and cries out, Allura's voice panicked. She panics even more when I flip her onto her stomach, pinning her down with a hand on her back.

Her ass wiggles as she struggles to get free. Such an enticing sight. I want to bite her on one plump cheek, and vaguely I am aware of her shouting. My voice is harsh as I speak to her, telling her to lift her hips, to raise her ass up while she keeps her face down. For one brief moment it looks like Allura will refuse me, and then her head slumps against the mattress. She has acknowledge defeat, unable to fight against my strength. That beautiful ass raises up, and I order her to spread her legs wider.

Her thigh are damp with her juice, so much coming out of her it drips onto the bed sheets. I rub my cock over her soaked sex, getting it wet with that moisture. My own breath hisses out of me in ragged pants, this is going to feel even better than the last time. I angle my hips, and let the fat head of my cock start to enter inside her. I am trying to go slow, but the sense of coming home fills me. She feels right, like Allura was made for my cock alone.

That thought makes me growl, anger and sadness combining. The sadness is unexpected and unwelcome, a realization that Allura should have been mine years ago. We should have loved each other, she should have been my soul mate, as perfect a half to my heart as she is a fit for my cock.

Sensations fill me, blazing fire burning me as I thrust hard in her. In one angry stroke, I have filled her completely tearing out a pained protest from Allura. Her fingers are clutching at the bed sheets, fisting them so hard her knuckles bleed out their color. I am going to hurt her again, use her so cruelly and without mercy because of my anger. My should have been.

Both my hands go to her ass, gripping her on either side. Digging my claws into that skin, and leaving welts there. I am angry at the sense of belonging her body instills in me, and I don't pause to savor the sensation. Instead I start thrusting, pounding angrily away inside her. The slap of wet flesh sliding over wet flesh is heard, along with Allura's whimpers and yes, even a moan or two. She's too aroused, too fresh off her multiple climaxes to not feel some pleasure from my cock stirring her up.

Allura was taut, trembling, drawing me in. If I could, I'd go deeper, but there was nowhere left to go. I was touching the very center of her soul, forging a connection between us that both would forever remember. A shift of her body, a change of the angle has her squeezing me harder. She is so damn sensitive in the moment, her body was already constricting in another climax. But I wasn't finished with her, not ready to come so fast. I couldn't, wouldn't be satisfied with a climax just seconds after entering her.

My balls were in agony, almost taking the choice from me. They wanted me to release my seed, wanted me to bring an end to this unexpected torment. My body was eager to stain her insides white, to mark here just as thoroughly there as I had on the outside of her body.

Allura whimpered again, her nails digging so hard the expensive fabric of my bed sheets tore beneath them. She was hot like a furnace, and so blessedly wet it nearly drove me mad. That choked out whimper combined distress and pleasure, my own cock throbbing in response. Dribbling inside her with every frantic stroke. I kept hauling on her ass, forcing her to move to meet my furious thrusts. Allura would be lucky if she could walk by the time I was through with her, my voice growling out in guttural snarls.

Allura was crying again, whispering something that broke on a half sob. "Please...oh please..."

"Please what?" I demanded, not slowing my harsh use of her. In that moment I truly didn't know what she was asking me. Did she want me to stop, or was she begging for another climax?

"Please forgive me..." Came her sad sob, and I froze. Lights flashed before my eyes, my body unable to stop the orgasm from ripping out of me. My seed flooded inside her womb, Allura sobbing, repeating her earlier entreaty. I didn't even feel the relief associated with such a violent coming, too shocked by what she had asked of me.

I wondered how she could ask that of me. Just as I wondered if she was sincere in that, or was it some new desperate ploy of hers. I even wondered if I was capable of forgiveness at this point, staring down at her back. She continued to shake around me, her whole body trembling. Her passage continued to milk my cock of it's seed, and that tore a groan from me.

I didn't know what to do, what to say. It was shocking and laughable, after all the fantasies I had had about making Allura pay for my broken heart. A part of me wasn't ready to stop taking payment from her, and if there was any part of me that felt hope at her words, they were too sliver small to be noticed. I hardened my heart once more, pulling out of her with a suddenness that had her crying out in protest.

"You have no right to ask me that." I told Allura, turning my back to her. Glaring across the room at nothing in particular. Her next words didn't help with my anger, a soft sob escaping her, as she lay there unmoving.

"I know."

Such sad words. Such defeat in her tone. Allura knew there was little chance of fixing things between us, of us going back to that time of ten years ago. She didn't love me now, and she hadn't back then. And I refused to become a love sick fool for her once more. It left us in this sick cycle of abuse and revenge, and even I had little knowledge of where exactly it would end.

To Be Continued...

Michelle


	6. Chapter 6

When Lotor pulls out of me, my body loses the last of it's strength. I collapse on the bed, laying crumpled in place on the torn and soiled sheets. I can feel the proof of his release, the hot, sticky semen dripping down my thighs. It makes me cringe, the tears coming faster. Harder as I sob. I am exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and even my mind suffers from the torments of the night.

I remember what I had asked of him, how I had begged him to please forgive me. He hasn't forgotten either, his voice harsh as he hisses at me. Telling me I had no right to ask him of that. Miserable, I close my eyes, more tears falling on the sheets. I can't stop them, any more than I can keep in my sobs.

"I know." That utterance doesn't make anything better between us. I don't look at Lotor, but I hear his movements. Feel the bed shake as he moves away from me. I should be more cautious, should try to anticipate what he will do next. But my energy is gone, I can't even lift myself up to roll over onto my back. In this moment, all I can do is cry. And feel every ache and pain he has caused, not all of it from his physical possession of me.

The wounds he does to my soul are just as effective as the pain he has caused my body. I am hurting, in more ways than I had ever expected. I had expected him to want me, to humiliate and degrade me. To use me for his sexual satisfaction. But apparently I hadn't prepared myself for just how angry he would still be after my rejection from a decade ago. It is an anger that tells me Lotor has never fully healed from the way I broke his heart. It alarms me. I wouldn't have put myself in his grasp if I had known he was still raw from that hurt.

I call myself foolish then. I tell myself it has nothing to do with a broken heart, but more his broken pride. He had spent two years chasing me, doing everything he could to try and convince me to marry him. Sometimes his tactics had been downright dirty, but he had always given me a choice. Even if the choices had been to choose among two evils, deciding which one I could stomach the cost of more.

He had stalked and pursued me, chased me across the galaxy. Kidnapped me dozens of times. And yet, he had wanted me to give in of my own accord. And that was something I could not do. Not even once his father died, and Lotor took control of the Doom Empire. I had been to frightened of him, too terrified of what he would do to me once we were pledged to one another. Now I am bitter, unable to scornfully laugh. Because I hadn't avoided anything, I had merely delayed the inevitable. Lotor had finally had me, and he had not been kind, nor considerate of my own feelings.

This weak body of mine has learned how vulnerable I truly am to him. How easily he can play me, bringing me pain one instant, and undreamed of pleasures the next. I weep even more, remembering the unexpected delight, the feel of my body giving in to climax after climax. I hated that he could make me feel good in anyway, and I hated my body for turning traitor. For welcoming his attentions so eagerly.

I had wanted to come away from his bed unchanged. I had not wanted to be moved by anything he had done. I certainly hadn't expect this frigid body of mine to melt under his tongue's strokes, to find myself shaking uncontrollable against the sudden onslaught of pleasure. The few lovers that I had? They cannot compare. Even their kindness is lost to Lotor's cruelty. He's made a mockery of their attempts at pleasing me, showing me the hidden perversion of my heart. Why did it take my enemy to bring me to so pleasurable a completion? Why must Lotor be the one to have such command over my body, stirring such a powerful response deep inside me?

I can't help but wonder if something is wrong with me. To hate so completely, and yet enjoy something, anything that he has done? It's unforgivable, and I despise myself for it. I despise Lotor too, fearing he has been the ruin of me. How can I ever have any semblance of normalcy after this night? How can I ever hope to have sex with any other man, and not remember the things Lotor has made me feel? The lust and the disgust, the feelings mixing together, reluctant, unwelcome pleasure filling me.

I want this night over with. I want to be returned to my ship. I want to go home to Arus, put myself as far out of reach of Lotor as possible. And yet I am not free to leave until he officially dismisses me. Until he lets me know I have done enough to ensure he will continue to protect Arus. I will continue to do anything I can to ensure he keeps his promise, endure any humiliating act for as long as he demands. I am fearful of the unknown, of just how depraved he might prove to be. But I love my planet too much to abandon it. Especially after I've come this far.

I still hope one night will be enough for him. It may be a foolish hope. Lotor can well command me to remain on Doom for weeks, force me to spend every available moment with him. He hasn't laid down any clear cut terms for this arrangement, hasn't let me know when or if this will end. He simply commands, and I obey, trepidation coloring my responses. Everything from what kind of sex we will have, to even what precautions we could take against making a child is his to decide. I am on birth control, but Drules are so much more fertile than human males. I could very well end up pregnant before Lotor ends our association, and perhaps that would be his ultimate revenge on me.

I am still crying, even as I think all these thoughts. Lotor is as still as a statue, but I can feel the anger coming off him in waves. It is a different kind of anger from what he has shown me previously, and I fear it. The anger feels more dangerous somehow, as though he might turn against me in a way that isn't about sex and satisfaction. I don't dare stop crying to speak to him, not even to feign concern. It's up to Lotor to break his silence, and he keeps me waiting a long time indeed.

"I will have a room prepared for you." My heart sinks at that, for it is the proof that confirms my fear. He is not letting me go, not yet satisfied from one night of sin and sex. I want to argue with him, but all I do is meekly bow my head in submission. My unease does not lessen as he continues, Lotor detailing the plans he has for me. "You won't have much use for it. You are to come to my bed every night for as long as I so desire. If I have use for you during the days, I will send a summons to you. You will not refuse, and you will come immediately upon receiving it."

His tone dared me to argue, Lotor insolent as he spoke. He knew as well as I did, that I had no choice but to obey. That I had to keep doing everything I could for Arus. I meekly answered him, not able to muster up true anger due to my exhausted state. "Yes." It wasn't as if I had anything better to do. I was no longer Queen, Arus no longer mine to rule. Why shouldn't I devote myself to securing it's care in the only way I was still able?

"You will wear what I give you. And you will eat and drink what I tell you to." Was he that determined to control me, that he would detail out every aspect of my life? Apparently so, Lotor sneering. "It's time we put some meat on your bones." I shift enough to glance over my shoulder at him, Lotor's eyes looking critical at my body. "You are skinnier than I remember."

"That is because there has been little food to be had on Arus." I tell him. For one-second he looks surprised, but I am unable to smile. Not when the truth about Arus cuts so deep. "I wasn't lying when I said my people were starving. We've had little success with the wars ravaging our farmlands, and we haven't had enough money to import foods from other worlds..."

"And no doubt due to your giving nature, you have allowed yourself to go hungry if it meant another could fill their belly for even one meal."

It was an accurate guess, and one I was not ashamed by. "We've all had to make sacrifices." My stare turns accusatory then. "And no one was willing to help us."

"Am I supposed to feel ashamed for not caring about Arus and it's people?" Lotor demands.

"No, I don't really expect you to." A different man would have been cut to the quick by my dismissive tone. Lotor just stares at me, an unfeeling monster. "But it is a shame, how the galaxy has changed. How the many worlds are no longer willing to help one another."

"Not every world can afford to take on the problems of another planet."

"But the Empire can." I quickly point out. "The Empire has always been equipped with the money and resources to help. They just haven't wanted to."

"The Empire can't do everything." Lotor retorts. I can't be satisfied with that, but have to comfort myself with the knowledge that at least Lotor and his Empire will help Arus.

"But you will help Arus, won't you?" I ask, needing to hear him confirm it with his own mouth.

"Yes, of course." He looks annoyed that I had to ask, as if he can't be bothered with my need for his reassurances. "Come the morning, I intend to appoint several of my administration to journey to Arus. There they will assess the situation, and what is needed to fix the more immediate problems."

"We need food!" I quickly tell him. "And medicines. Soldiers to settle our wars."

"Who exactly is threatening Arus?"

"You don't even know that much?" I am disheartened to learn just how thoroughly Lotor has ignored Arus' problems. "Arus has many attackers. Not all of them from other worlds. The lesser lords and ladies of the lands that makes up Arus' kingdoms have been fighting amongst themselves." I lower my eyes, my hand lifting. I touch the back of my neck, where my hair covers a scar. "Even fighting against me..."

He's realized what that touch means, his hands suddenly in my hair, Pulling it up and out of the way, so that he can graze fingertips over the scar. I can't see his face, but I can hear the fury in his voice. "Who did this to you!"

"His name does not matter." I say, and Lotor all but snarls.

"It matters to me!" For one-second I think he cares about me personally, and it is a good feeling. To have someone this powerful be concerned about me? When I've been alone for so long, ignored for so long? But then I remember how he had treated me this night. How he can't possibly care about me as a person.

"The Lord's assassin has already been taken care of."

"But not the Lord himself?" Lotor demands. "Give me his name!" His hands grab at me, flipping me over to face him. He looks like he wants to shake me, Lotor baring his teeth in a feral snarl. "Allura, when I ask you a question, you WILL answer." The implied threat is apparent. I have to obey him in all matters, or Arus will be abandoned.

"Lord Plactus, of the Northern Altean Kingdom." I whisper.

"Lord Plactus." He repeats, and I know that Lord is now a dead man. Lotor will kill him. Not because he cares for me, but because he doesn't like his possessions being damaged. Least of all by anyone's hands but his.

"What will you do with Arus?" I ask, uneasy with the murderous gleam in Lotor's eyes. His ease with killing is one of the many reasons I had always been so leery of him.

"I haven't decided yet. How bad the situation is, will surely affect the outcomes of what I try to do there." Lotor lets go of me, moving to settle himself against the bed's pillows. He's not looking at me as he talks, staring at something I can't see. "But there are a few possibilities..."

"Possibilities?"

"If we can take back the land, restore it? It could become a great agricultural center to supply the Empire's worlds with select imports." That I could imagine, Arus never having been known for much aside from Voltron and it's farmable lands.

"And if the land is not viable?"

"There are other ways to make use of it." Lotor tells me. "Arus could become a training facility, whole sections of land cordoned off for the recruits that fight in the Empire's wars. We could develop the world that way, the people of Arus earning money by serving the people and their families who come for the training offer on it's lands."

"Or maybe it could become a some kind of resort world for the Drule." Lotor continues, his tone thoughtful. "Arus has always been a visual paradise. Many of my people wouldn't mind spending some time on it's lands without having to fight and kill."

"What about the people of Arus? What will you do with them?" I ask, anxious again.

"The Empire doesn't do charity. They will have to work off the cost of any aid we provide them." He closes his eyes, settling down to go to sleep. "Fear not Allura. I won't leave them destitute. But neither will I give them hand outs. They will have to prove themselves productive members of my empire, just like so many others have had to do the same."

"The people of Arus have never been afraid of working hard." I tell him. He doesn't respond, clearly done with this conversation. I stare at him a long moment, realizing my tears have finally dried up. I don't feel much hope for myself, but for Arus, and the people of my home world? I truly think they at last stand a chance at doing more than just surviving. I wish I could feel the same was true for me, but my body still aches. Still bears the discomfort of how he has used me. It's only been one night, how am I to endure the coming days? I have no answer, and it is to a troubled sleep I go.

To Be Continued...

Sorry for the long wait...I wanted to be able to post two chapters at once, but I'm not satisfied at all with seven so need to rewrite it. Unfortunately I had health problems, and it made me not want to work on anything with sex in it. And since recovering (knock on wood) I haven't been able to get back into the mind set for this fic. Sorry for the wait again...

Michelle

Lotor Sincline, glad you like this so much! :D And I might have been blushing AND grinning while writing, typing...it depended on what was going on in the scene. Sometimes though I wanted to smack Lotor. XD Thanks again. Glad this fic has got you so enthusiastic!

DimerasLover, thanks! Truthfully I don't know yet how it will end...this is total fly by the seat of my pants writing...I have ideas for some scenes, but otherwise I am along for the ride like the readers, and sometimes the characters surprise me too with what they do in this fic! ^^'' But honestly, I don't see a happy ending where they love and forgive one another. One, maybe both will end up totally miserable. Thank you for your support! :D


	7. Chapter 7

In the early hours, where night has not quite turned into morning, I find myself restless. Unable to relax enough to sleep, I find my thoughts stirring. Lurching from feeling to feeling, exploring memories both of my recent and distant past. It was no surprise to me, that these thoughts and memories are focused on the woman who lay besides me. The woman who had cried herself to sleep, and even now fought demons in her dreams.

I hoped Allura dreamt of me. I hoped she was tormented by what I had done to her. By the things I would continue to do to her, all in a quest to revenge myself upon her. I can't even smile in anticipation, still too angry. With her, and with myself. All because this night, these encounters, aren't going exactly as I would have willed them to be. I'm barely satisfied, body sated, but my hurt and my feelings? They are not. They are still as conflicted as ever, causing me a familiar turmoil.

I hate that it is this way. Hate that I can't exorcise the demon that is Allura from me so easily. It is neither fair or right that she can afflict me in this way, can take away the triumph I should be feeling in finally bringing Allura down to her knees. I have not enjoyed myself anywhere as much as I should, little holes in the wall I built up between us, leaving me exposed and vulnerable to Allura. To the unexpected instants, everything from the moment where she had begged for my forgiveness, to my own red hot anger at the revelation that someone had not only tried to kill Allura, but had come close enough to leave a lasting scar upon her.

I shouldn't have cared. It shouldn't have even been an issue, but try as I might, I cannot convince myself that the attack was unimportant. The thought of losing Allura in that way? It upsets me. It is an upset that doesn't have all to do with the thought of my revenge against her going unfulfilled. I can't say it is an upset born of love. That is a feeling I've killed off long ago. With Allura's help no less. But regret is a whole other matter, and it's been stirred more than once this night. I wonder if Allura has felt it too, if she regrets how things have turned out between us. The pessimist inside of me, snorts in derisive amusement at that. It feels if Allura has any regrets, it is not for what would have been between us. No, it tells me that Allura only regrets that she had finally had to lower herself and come crawling to my bed.

She has certainly cried enough in response to the reality of being bedded by me. And it is only Allura who is still capable of injuring my pride. She disdains that which many a woman has fought for the right of, not even bothering to conceal what a chore she finds being bedded by me to be. But then, I hadn't expected her to be an enthusiastic partner. Not when the memory of her disdain, her crushing rejection of me is such a potent memory in my mind. So much time has passed since then, and yet Allura stills holds little regard for me. She wants only what my power and money can give Arus, and I can't, won't, delude myself into thinking she has any real feelings for me.

Nor do I hope for that to change. Not now, not in the future. Not even if I keep her for ten more years on Doom, do I dare think she will suddenly grow to love me. I tell myself that is good, that love would only complicate matters. I ignore any twinge in my broken heart that would whisper longingly for another chance at love with Allura. That time has passed, and I am a vastly different man. I've proven it tonight, to both Allura and to myself. All because there is no way I would have treated the woman that I loved the way I have treated Allura these last few hours.

Anger renews itself inside me, more potent than ever as I lay there and contemplate things. It is especially strong when I compare myself to the young man I once was, the prince who had believed Allura was worth cherishing. She had been everything to me, and sometimes she still is. Shattered though my conception of love is, there are pieces that remain. Pieces of the feelings I had once had for Allura. Those pieces might be what has driven me all these years, the motivating force that allowed me to make so great an Empire of Doom's conquests. It is not for the people that I strove for greatness. Nor had I done so much in an effort to best my father's own accomplishments. I think a part of me always knew, always waited with bated breath for the opportunity over Allura Doom's power would give me. Certainly my love had never put me in any true position to have her, and it was only Arus' own desperate situation that drove Allura to come to me.

Not for the first time do I wonder why Allura couldn't have at least been wiser than she had been at eighteen. Why she couldn't have had enough sense to figure out the kind of future Arus would eventually face. She might not have loved me, but she could have spared herself so much degradation in agreeing to marry me then. The prince I once was, would have done just about anything to keep her happy. He would have treated her like a living Goddess, groveled at her feet. The Lotor I am now, will be content to make Allura do the groveling, to make her beg and scream, and cry some more. In fact, a part of me demands it. Craves it with every fiber of my being. That part won't be satisfied with anything less than Allura's complete misery.

The Lotor of ten decades ago would surely be screaming in protest. But he exists as little more than a memory, and his youthful enthusiasm and deep abiding belief in love sickens the Lotor that I am today. I had been a love sick, naive fool. And that is something I won't ever be again. Not for any woman, and certainly not for Allura. For all the regret, and any surprises she may offer me, I must harden myself further. I can't allow any vulnerabilities on my part. Can't allow her to get to me. To my dissatisfaction, that will be more difficult than I would have liked. Allura was still a weakness of mine, no matter how much I might try to pretend otherwise. It's just the nature of that weakness' effect that has changed.

I won't fall over myself in an attempt to please her, but the obsession is still there. It more than lingers, and too late have I realized that fucking Allura has only added fuel to the fire. I resent her, anger boiling in me over how things could have, should have been. But I can't give her up, I'm nowhere ready to. Perhaps I never will be. It's a troubling thought, as is the one that lets me realize we'll only hurt each other the longer we stay near to one another. But I am confidant Allura will bear the brunt of that damage, and what little hurt I take away will not matter. Nothing can compare to the hurt of her initial rejection, after all.

I am a bitter man. A man who has turned his back so completely on love. I put the blame completely on Allura, never thinking that I might shoulder a part of it as well. Perhaps even my father is to blame, for the spoiled upbringing he had allowed me. I had been one used to always getting what I wanted. Is it any surprise it hurt me so badly when Allura refused me? And yet I had persisted, chasing after her for months until the old man died. And when Zarkon was gone, I had approached her. My heart in my hand, thinking at last the healing could begin. Between us and our worlds, believing the one obstacle that kept Allura from committing to me was at last gone. How wrong I had been. How hated and feared I had realized I was in her eyes.

Sometimes I think the pain of her adamant rejection is as strong today as it was back then. It is hard to live with such miserable feelings, and often I think only my need for revenge allowed me to endure the breaking of my heart. I've never truly healed from that heart break, and it's made me become someone bitter and twisted. I am now capable of cruelties Allura can't yet imagine, and she is a fool to entrust Arus to me. I could just as easily leave that planet and it's people to rot, but somehow there is a need to prove to her how wrong she was about me in at least in one respect. I can't, won't, behave myself towards her, but for her planet I will do what I promised. I will make Arus worthwhile once more. Even as I ruin Allura, bring her down lower and dirty her, Arus will prosper. I will let her see for herself what she and her planet could have had, without her needing to have degraded and humiliated herself at my hands.

Allura thinks sex has always been the coin I would demand from her. Such a fool she is, to have never understood that once it had been about love. About loving her, and hoping for the chance she would grow to love me back. Now even if she wishes for that love, it won't happen. I refused to go down that path again, to become a fool for her once more. She's made her bed, and it's a pity, but that bed belongs to me. And she must do more than just lie in it. She must endure every desire I have, every twisted impulse, every demand I might make. I don't expect service with a smile, but I damn well will not allow any disobedience from her.

Her nos have no effect on me. Nor will her pleas. She can beg all she wants, and indeed there is something satisfying to hear Allura beg so desperately. But as sweet and satisfying as that may be, it won't change anything that happens. She will learn the difference between being loved by the ruler of Doom, and just being used by him.

Now I do smile, though the expression holds no true happiness to it. I don't wonder if she's capable of recognizing the difference. Allura surely remembers how I was when I was so foolishly, so hopelessly in love. How kindly I treated her, even as I pursued her relentlessly and with single minded focus. I may have done terrible things to other people in that pursuit of her, but none of that cruelty had touched Allura personally. It's different now, I've set out to hurt her in my complete use of her. I've not been gentle, nor have I eased her into the sex. I've taken complete command of her body, and she hasn't always been able to hold back her protests. Sometimes I think I feed off her reluctance, but always I've remained on edge. Not able to truly enjoy what is happening, so long as I am plagued by memories and riddled vulnerable by Allura's tears.

But her tears are not enough to stop me. Not now. Let her cry. Let her rant and wail against her fate. Against a fate she is as responsible for as I am. Allura has brought us to this point just as surely as I have, and it's only fair she ride it out to whatever end this reality is building us towards. I don't feel any hope for our future, but then it's been an eternity since I have. With Arus the way it is, I wonder if Allura had even had any hope for her own future or if she had known it would always come down to her submitting herself so completely to my merciless care.

With that thought, I roll over onto my side. Allura is still sleeping, but it is not a peaceful rest. She appears to tremble in her sleep, her head tossing on it's pillow. Her hands are fists, clutching at the thin blanket that is haphazardly kicked off most of her. She looks uneasy, lips turned down in a frown. Even her breathing is ragged, panting out her in harsh little sounds.

I pause, wondering which would be the more merciful. To let Allura endure such a disturbing sleep, or rouse her to wake and serve the needs that stir within me. That hunger for her never quite goes away, and looking over her body, which is not even fully covered by the blanket, does much to bring the arousal quicker to me. Do I care that there is dried blood on her shoulder? That her thighs are bruised, and that there are teeth marks on her breasts? Not when I think how much worse I could have hurt her. Looking at her now, I think she's gotten off lucky. That even now I retain some sense of feeling that prohibits me from being my most cruel. I have beaten, whipped others for offenses far less weighty than what Allura has done to me. A heart once broken can never truly heal. I've learned that the hard way. A bit of sexual degradation is a small price for Allura to pay in return for the damage she has done me.

What's more, it's time for another installment on that payment. I shift closer to her, and even in her troubled sleep, it's as though Allura senses the predator drawing near. She attempts to roll away from me, but my hand stops her from going far. I actually pull her against me, my arm going across her chest. Holding her in place as I press myself against her. It doesn't take much, just some grinding against her bottom, before my cock is standing at full erection. I actually ache to be inside her, and not even burying my face in her hair to better inhale the scent of her shampoo, distracts me from that need.

I continue to grind against her, my cock being nestled between the cheeks of her ass. It feels good, but it's not enough, succeeding only at heightening the teasing agony of my cock. I'm almost impatient as I bring my fingers to her sex, doing a coaxing fingering of her clit. Allura's trembles continue, her panting seeming to increase in speed as I rub insistently over the bit of flesh that is starting to get swollen with it's own need. It is an effort to remain patient, my fingers expertly playing at arousing her. A shift from me has her one leg hooking over the bend of my arm, effectively spreading her open for my desires. My fingers continue their insistent rubbing, Allura making sounds that are more fretful than aroused. Is it the dreams that keep her from enjoying this? Or does she know it is me that touches her so? Either way her body doesn't offer much resistance to the caress I am doing, her own juices beginning a slow but steady dampening. I'm able to easily slide my fingers into her slick sex, that aroused flesh gripping me firmly.

That tight feeling tears a muffled oath from me. I quickly shift, no longer able to wait. My fingers are replaced by the head of my cock, I haven't even bothered to change our positions. I hold her leg up higher, fitting our bodies together with a single, forceful thrust. It's that thrust, the strength of it, that tears a gasp from her. I can tell Allura has at last awakened, and my other arm goes across her breasts in an effort to hold her against me as I continued to have my way with her.

"Lotor!" A fretful saying of my name, it's almost a scream. As startled as she is, Allura quickly understands what is going on and stops trying to get away. She appears resigned to what is happening, breath hissing out of her in between the whimpers she tries to muffle.

I can't be completely unhappy when I'm buried so deep inside her, but neither am I content. I just keep thinking how good she feels, how right the fit of her around me is. And with those kind of thoughts, I am reminded that this is what she sought to deny us, to deny me. It makes me speed up my hips, my thrusting growing even rougher inside her. In that instant, I don't care if I hurt her to the point she'll be unable to walk, I just want to stop thinking. I want to go to that point where nothing else matters but the hot and blinding feel of my climax, my body pumping furiously. Plunging in as deep as I can go, and still feeling as if it's not enough. I know for certain I am a sick individual when her cry of discomfort, that pained sound soothes me enough to come.

As I flood her insides with my release, I find myself breathing just as heavily as Allura. I feel exhausted, but know I cannot sleep. Not now that morning is almost here. I don't speak a word, barely look at her as I finally pull out of her. What can be said, that could somehow make this situation better than it really is? Nothing, and we both know it, embracing the silence between us. Allura is once again muffling her voice, trying not to be too apparent that she is crying. But my ears are attuned to her every sound, listening to the mattress creak as Allura tries to shift into a more comfortable position.

I leave the bed, not even looking for a robe. I can feel Allura's eyes on me, but it's never an admiring look. No, she is watching me like a wary lamb would watch the lion, fearing what I may do next. It's all I can do to keep from growling out my discontent, heading for the shower. By the time I am done bathing, she is gone. Both from my bed, and from the room. I can't say what I would have done if Allura had remained. My control of my lusts is that bad around her.

It's almost a relief that she's gone for the day. Gone but not forgotten, Allura an ever present and unwanted presence in my thoughts. I have things to do, the least of which involves seeing to Arus. The Empire won't run itself, Doom needs it's King. I think to throw myself into that task, hoping it can distract me. Hoping it can wipe the bitter taste from my mouth.

Unsure of the ending lines...this rewrite chapter turned into the chapter that did not want to end! X_X

For those curious, the original attempt at seven, those who saw it thought Lotor was too cold in it. It also had a morning blow job scene...this rewrite ended up being completely different, but feels more in tune with the other chapters...

To Be Continued...

Michelle

Viciously Witty, thank you! *blushing with pleasure* I'm glad you are enjoying what you read so far. Ah Lotor...so deliciously conflicted inside. They've hurt and they continue to hurt each other, though Lotor seems to be doing all the hurting in their present time. ^^;; Though for some reason with the rewrite of seven, I feel a little more hopeful...Maybe cause he doesn't seem so cold, so unfeeling like he did in my first attempt at seven. ^^;;

DimerasLover, yes! I'm just writing as I feel inspired, watching as it develops...and trying somewhat to keep this two under my control. ^^;; Yeah, Lotor not being a stalker is rare...he's still got that obsession with her, totally! I'm not sure how to define Lotor and his level of caring, or uncaringness to be honest. He's treating her pretty bad, I find it deplorable of him. Yet I'm aware he could be so much more worse, but I don't want to offend myself with writing such things. I have a limit after all! *sheepish chuckle* Me and my damn delicate sensibilities. X_X My one friend has been trying to suggest things to make this have a happier ending...but the suggestions haven't really grabbed me for this fic. But they make me want to base new stories on her suggestions. (Especially since I just reread her emails, so was reminded of all the suggestions she threw at me! XD) Thanks so much for reading, revieiwng, and hopefully enjoying!


	8. Chapter 8

My legs were trembling with the effort needed to hold me up right, my every step unsteady. It had been a mistake to get out of bed. I was in no condition to do much of anything, let alone walk. And yet necessity had driven me, it and fear motivating me in a way nothing else might have. The need to get away, to run, to hide, had been what had given me the strength to crawl to the edge of the bed. To ignore the pain lancing through me, my body feeling raw and sore from too much use. It had been on shaking legs that I stumbled out of the bedroom, the fear almost keeping me from pausing long enough to grab my clothes off the floor. I don't even remember how I managed to get dressed, thinking it a miracle that I was out of there long before Lotor finished his shower.

I hadn't waited for his permission before leaving. That was probably a mistake, but at the moment I simply do not care. I simply couldn't tolerate his touch any longer, or the idea of enduring more of his attention once he was done with his shower. I had had enough for one night, and even the knowledge of how Lotor might punish me, wasn't enough to drive me back to his room and beg for mercy.

I was living in the moment, concentrating on small victories. I was out of his bed, out of his reach. But I wasn't free of him, thoughts of Lotor tormenting me. Just like they had in my dreams, Lotor just as cruel and unfeeling there as he was in reality. Even the way my body ached, served as a reminder of Lotor. I didn't know the extent of the damage done, didn't know how bruised I was, or how scratched up I was. But I was sore, rubbed raw in the most private of places. Lotor had not been gentle one time, using me in a way I was unaccustomed to.

A hysterical laugh began to build up in me. Lotor intended to keep me. For how long I did not know. But it might very well be long enough for me to grow used to this treatment, to the rough sex he demanded of me. I felt sick then, wondering if I could ever truly get used to being used. The lovers I had had in the past, for all their failed attempts to satisfy me, had always exerted a measure of care towards their treatment of me. Certainly they had never treated me the way Lotor had, ignoring my wishes to take their own pleasure time and time again.

And yet I had responded to Lotor's cruelty. To the act of being used. I wondered what was wrong with me, wondered why my body could find it so easy to climax at Lotor's hands yet deny me that same release when shown a modicum of care by my previous lovers. It wasn't fair. He had shamed me more thoroughly than if he had just had sex with me. In granting me not one but several climaxes, Lotor had effectively humiliated me in a way not previously anticipated.

I hurt and I feared, every unexpected sound causing me to cringe. Some part of me expected Lotor, expected him to come and drag me back to his bed. I would have broken down for sure, would have screamed and wept in a way most unbecoming. I would have shamed myself in front of the people that worked in this castle, and that was just as unacceptable as the shame I felt in responding to Lotor.

I continued to walk, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. At times I would have to rest, just leaning against the wall, trembling all the while. I felt as though I would collapse at any second, and it was all I could do to keep moving. To put as much distance between myself and Lotor as I could manage. But no amount of running could get me to stop thinking, could allow me to forget all that had happened. The memories were vivid, such potent flashes bringing to me the taste, the feel, the emotions that had come with every act. Worst of all, I remembered him, the look in his eyes. The cold desire and indifference he had shown, the way he had ignored my pleas, and just used me to satisfy whatever twisted needs he had had.

He had used me whenever and however he felt like, not even sleep giving me a true reprieve. I closed my eyes and shuddered then, remembering the last time he had fucked me. I had been deep in a troubled sleep, unable to escape Lotor even then. My mind, my memories had tortured me, letting me re-experience everything that had happened. Not just during this past night, but to a time ten years ago. To those frequent kidnappings and stalkings, and the choices he tried to force me to make. Choice had been important to him, or at least it had been where I was once concerned. Now I didn't even have that, Lotor demanding, commanding, and I unable to do anything but obey. Any resistance I offered up was merely token. We both knew Arus would suffer if I truly fought him.

And still it hurt to know he cared so little, that he would just take me in my sleep. That he would use me again when I was still hurting from the last time. I truly wasn't a person to him, I was just a possession. Something to be used until it broke, and then tossed aside. I was so close to being used up, and yet I knew it wouldn't end so quickly. Lotor alone would decide when to draw to a close our association. I could only suffer in the meantime and try not to go mad with grief.

Or shame, I thought, turning a corner and coming face to face with several well dressed females. Drule nobles by the looks of them, each one fashionable in their gowns, with jewels dangling from their ears or around their necks. They took one look at me, disdain in their eyes as they appraised my shabby appearance, the loose fitting clothes that were so rumpled. My hair was a wild mess, and I couldn't even stand straight. I looked exactly as I felt, damaged goods that had been made that way by their King.

The Drule ladies began to speak, but it was not in a language I was familiar with. They didn't try to hide their smiles, the malicious enjoyment they took to see me suffer so. I tried to walk past with my head held high, but their laughter made me flinch. Even as I told myself it didn't matter what they thought, to some part of me it did. I knew the whole castle had to know why I was here, and where I had spent the night. They had probably rejoiced in my humiliation, in seeing the woman who had hurt their King finally brought down.

My face burning with shame, I stumbled the rest of the way to the guest quarters of the castle. It was here, that my own servants waited, having spent the night in more luxury than Arus had seen in a decade. I'd stagger into the room, and barely let the door close behind me, before I gave in to the urge to collapse. Concerned voices would cry out, women rushing in an attempt to catch me. I hit the floor anyway, and just sat there stunned. Wanting to cry, and not daring to show anyone how much pain I truly was in.

The women scurried around me, someone bringing me a glass of water. My hands shook too badly to hold it, the water spilling down my front. I shrugged off their attempts to dry me, to speak to me, privately mourning my fate. I look around the room, at the gilded cage that will be my prison. The extravagance of my surroundings reminds me of the wealth the Empire possess. The wealth that will be turned onto Arus, allowing it and my people to prosper. Somehow it doesn't feel enough for the price I've paid, with everything lost to me now. Arus future is secured, but only so long as I continue to give in to Lotor's demands. I was a fool to think he would ever be satisfied with just one night.

Now I really do start to cry, here in the relative safety of my cage. The women return to my side, kneeling down to embrace me. They try to comfort me in whatever way they can, someone brushing out my hair. No one comments on my disheveled state, or tries to lie that things will get better. We all know it won't, and I can only be glad Nanny is long dead, and unable to see me so disgraced.

I don't know how long I sit there, surrounded by teary eyed servants. They grieve with me, they even fear for me, seeing the condition I am in. They don't even know for certain what Lotor has done to me, but his reputation is enough to leave them scared. I try to spare them from the truth, allowing them to help me only as far as the bathroom. Once there, I insist on going inside alone, not wanting their curious eyes to see my body bared. It is enough that I see it, my eyes critical as I look at each bruise, brush fingers over every scratch. My shoulder will scab over where he had bit me, the dried blood still staining the skin there. I want to scream, but know my servants will rush in at the first sound of my distress. I can only endure in relative silence, stepping into the shower. The water is almost scalding, so hot do I let it fall. I stand there for a small eternity, just letting the hot drops pelt me in the hopes it can somehow cleanse me of the stain Lotor has left on both my body and soul.

Here in the shower, the last pretense fade. I am not a proud woman. Haven't been one for a long time, even long before I came to this planet and submitted to Lotor. I hadn't been for months, maybe even years, Arus' situation bringing me low. I don't want to think on when I had last felt like myself. I am afraid the answer will tell me it had been a decade ago, on the day when I refused and rejected Lotor, his last plea for marriage between us.

I don't want to think about that day. I don't want to remember the feelings that had coursed through me, the arrogance and yes, the fear. I had been so stubborn, so determined to not demean myself by agreeing to become that monster's woman. Even the thoughts that Lotor might hurt me, might even kill me for my refusal, hadn't been enough to get me to reconsider his proposal. I had been arrogant, so sure that it would be better to die free, then to spend a lifetime of humiliation, degraded as Lotor's queen. Now I don't even have that to console me, no marriage, no crown. Not even his promise to aid and support Arus can console me in this moment. I am too torn up inside, my tumultuous feelings sneering at me. Mocking me for doing exactly what I had hoped to avoid all those years ago.

Now I am nothing, little more than Lotor's toy. He's made me understand that again and again, the lessons being instilled in me through the abuse he does to my body. I feel as though I hurt everywhere, even where his hands had merely latched onto me to secure his grip. I bare bruises all over my body, marks of where his mouth had been, and imprints of his fingertips. He's bitten me, even broken the skin on my shoulder to bleed me. He's even scratched me with those wickedly curved claws of his. And yet I am not surprised. Lotor has behaved exactly as I had always feared he would. Only now there is no pretense between us, nor claims that he loves me.

It is good that no illusions of such exist between us. We both know why I am here, why I agree to let him do these horrid things to me. It's not love, it's not even friendship, it's simply business. We neither like nor care for one another, we are just using each other. As much as he uses me for my body, I use him in order to see to Arus' salvation.

I have to keep reminding myself that it is for Arus that I do this. For Arus that I have sacrificed my own sanity and happiness. It hurts all the same, my body being the one thing I had thought I would never barter away. I start to cry then, the sad, awful truth being I had had nothing left. Nothing that could entice anyone else to play savior to me and my people. Lotor had been my only option, Arus' only chance at salvation. It is perhaps the most painful truth of all, to know there was no one else left to care about my planet, or about what would happen to me. I only had Lotor, and even he didn't truly care beyond the use of my body.

To Be Continued...

Feel a little iffy on ending lines...just cause I kept trying to think of something to add after the last one. But I couldn't find one that would sound better to end on. So left it with what I had. X_X Next chapter should be a Lotor POV...and Haggar will make her first appearance!

-Michelle

DimerasLover, thanks. Lotor's probably halfway insane when he's around her. X_X Hye if you ever remember that plot bunny you can always pm me through this site. I think they disabled everyone's email because of spam. By the way, where did you hear Allura had an older sister and brothers? I'm so confused. Is that something that new cartoon mentioned? Because Allura having siblings is news to me! And you're so right about having to be happy with your own writing. I've been pretty unhappy about a fic I started this week...I'm probably gonna trash what i got, and try to write it from a different angle. But not anytime soon. But being happy is so important to a writer. I've tried to write things where I wasn't that happy but other people were, and it pretty much ruined the whole story for me. I don't want to do that again. X_X


	9. Chapter 9

I have spent the morning restless and on edge, my body coiled tight with tension. Too often do I find myself flexing my claws, wanting and waiting for the chance to sink them into someone. I want to maim, to scratch, to tear apart flesh. I want to hurt for even the slightest of offenses, as if that could somehow appease the beast that lurks inside me. I want to revel in blood, to feel it spray and splatter against me, to roar out in glorious triumph as I forget that I and my people have long become civilized creatures.

But we are not tamed, not cured of our volatile natures. We may play at being similar to the humans, but inside we never forget the monsters we once were. It shows in our passions, our violative displays of emotion. We feel more intensely than the humans, our blood running especially hot with all the negatives of emotions. Make no mistake, the Drules are more than animals, instead beings whose ancestors were the basis of many of the human's nightmares. We retain our predatory nature, keeping our claws and fangs sharp for the kill.

It is a struggle, on days like today, to remember the need to play at being the civilized king. My predatory nature glints in my eyes, watching, waiting. Sizing up those around me for weaknesses. The men and women who attend to me? They are nervous, recalling the notorious temper I had possessed in my youth. Back when I was nothing more than a prince, young and love sick, I had given in often to the need to hurt those around me, to kill for even the slightest of offenses. I've since learned to temper those murderous impulses save for the times my mood is at it's most foul.

How unfortunate for me, that everyone is tip toeing around me. They walk as though on eggshells, scared that the slightest crack of one, will get me to snap. No one dares to meet my eyes, their own gaze looking somewhere past my shoulder. They talk at my chest, rather than to me, their bodies rigid with fear. They are so afraid of being the one to say something that will trigger my displeasure, so frightened that I wonder if they are not editing their reports to tell me only what I would want to hear. Little do they realize that today I am not interested in any of it, my thoughts alternating between my anger and the woman who had snuck out of my bed.

I know all about how she had practically crawled to the guest quarters of my castle. Numerous reports had come in, all confirming that Allura had barely been able to stand let alone walk. She had been hurting, and unable to hide the pain that she was in. I barely reacted to the news, keeping my expression schooled. But inside, my emotions were in direct conflict with one another, smug anger at war with the regret I feel. I don't like that regret, don't like that any part of me could feel remorse at hurting Allura. I tell myself Allura deserves worse than what she got, knowing I would be only too glad to revisit upon her the night's happenings again and again. It would be easy to do, my hunger for her not at all sated. I wonder if it ever will be, if I will ever be able to cool down the fires of my desire for her.

I honestly fear the answer to that thought. To want Allura is one thing, but to need her that desperately? It is unacceptable! And yet my body wants what it wants, hungry and eager for another taste of Allura. It is all I can do to keep from calling out to her, from ordering her to attend to me right this very moment. I won't of course. I refuse to let her have any more power over me, refused to be reduced to the Allura craving addict I had been in my youth. I will not be ruled by my cock, and I will not let the allure of her body, of any woman's body, make a fool out of me. Not again. Not now that I am older and I am wiser. The mistakes I made in the past, cannot be repeated. I will not lead myself or my empire to ruin, especially over some woman.

Never mind that her body had been the softest, sweetest fuck I had ever had. Never mind that Allura felt as though she had been made to fit around me, the perfect fit to so much more than just my cock. She should have been the other half to my soul, my perfect mate, the woman of my dreams made real. Something hurts inside me, mourning what should have been. Wailing in agony over what Allura had stolen from us. It can't ever be taken back, we can't ever reach that place again. We've done too much, hurt each other in ways we can't recover from.

It angers me as much as hurts me, those lost opportunities. The man in front of me flinches, having recognized the look in my eyes. He's surely reviewing what he had just been saying, trying to find a reason for the anger blazing in my expression. Everyone seems to have frozen around us, no one daring to move. A slave girl is kneeling a few feet from me, struggling to hold up a heavy silver platter loaded with this morning's breakfast. She knows she will be beaten if she drops so much as a single item, her frightened eyes trying to keep from letting loose with tears.

The slave girl is unimportant though, a mere fixture to the room. Hell the five present of my administration? These men might as well have been slaves themselves, so insignificant do I find them now. They haven't yet realized that, still so frightened of my black mood. It feels good to be so feared. I almost want to laugh, seconds before I grab someone by the throat.

"You." I say, fighting the temptation to squeeze down and crush the throat I am gripping. The man's eyes are panicked, he's fighting not to make a sound. No one else is rushing to his aid, conscious that any action on their part might end with them suffering in this man's place. "I am giving you a special appointment." He can't even speak properly, and he is too scared to properly register my words. "I'm sending you to Arus." I continue, words hissing out of me. "You will go there and assess the situation. Figure out what needs to be done to improve things on that wretched world."

A slight tensing of my fingers, just a tease of what I COULD do to this man, before I drop him. "I expect the report of your findings, AND the solution, on my desk within five days time."

The man is on his knees, trying not to gag on his own breath. It's someone else that speaks, this man as surprised as he is fearful. "Arus?" He says. "But it will take nearly three days just to travel to that world..." Unspoken is the thought that it would take even longer to figure out how to fix the planet's many problems.

"Ah." A tight smile that is neither happy nor amused. "Thank you for that reminder." Without even looking at the Drule on the floor, I issue a correction to my previous orders. "You have four days now to get that report to me."

The silence that follows is appalled, no one daring to speak for fear the time will be cut even shorter. Nor do they ask why I am concerning myself with Arus, though they surely disapprove. It has been many years since Arus was worth anything, and even longer since I have cared for it's ruler. But they have to know that Allura is here on Doom. Just as they have to know what her continued presence in the castle means. Cowards that they are, none of my administration's staff would speak out against the reasons why I shouldn't involve myself with Arus or it's former Queen.

I am not so lucky where the witch is concerned. She does not fear me, any more than she had my long dead father. Nor is Haggar content to wait, once she learns Allura is still in the castle. Not even an hour passes before the doors to my office would open, the heavy steel slamming into the walls. It actually cracks the marble, leaving me to shake my head as I ready a chastisement.

"Haggar, really." I drawl out, reaching for a choice strip of meat from the breakfast platter. "A less dramatic entrance would have sufficed, and would have been infinitely easier on the wall." I pause to taste the meat. "Not to mention less expensive."

"You're rich enough to be able to afford it's repair." Comes Haggar's curt answer. Her face is cloaked in shadows from her hood, but even then her eyes are noticeable, yellow and gleaming with anger. She's never liked Allura, never liked the effect that woman could have on me. I can't say I blame her. Right now I feel very much in agreement with the witch, hating Allura's effect that leaves my body unsated and my thoughts disturbed.

I won't share with Haggar just how much I am struggling, won't give her any more ammunition to use against me. She has plenty of her own, the witch vehemently disapproving of any contact I might make with Allura. But Haggar doesn't rule me. For all her power, for all the valuable advice I've come to depend on from her, the matter of Allura is the one thing I will not allow the witch to guide me on. Perhaps that is stupid of me. But I know what the witch would suggest. What's she advised me to do in the past. But I will not kill Allura. To lose her completely would be an unsatisfactory end, and I think to myself that for all my power, I should be allowed this one weakness.

Haggar would think it one weakness too many. And unlike my staff, she won't hesitate to remind me of the many mistakes I made in my youth where Allura was concerned. It is not a reminder I want or need, the remembered humiliations almost as strong now as they were when they first happened. I know too well the foolishness I committed in Allura's name, the mistakes I had made that nearly cost Doom everything. But just as I was stupid where Allura was concerned, I also did something RIGHT. On the heels of Allura's callous rejection, I had immediately set out to make something of Doom. To make it more than what my father had envisioned, creating an empire so grand, it had planets fighting for the honor to be part of it. No longer did Doom have to set out to invade and conquer, the planets came to us, people eager for the Drule's protection and a chance to share in the wealth of the Empire.

I had no true reason for doing this save for the selfish need to position myself in place for the day when Arus, when Allura herself, would need my mercy. Revenge can be a great motivator, and it has spurred me on through ten bleak years. Through my boredom and despair, through my tireless efforts to make Doom thrive where all others have not.

I'm sure Haggar can appreciate that much at least. Even if she does not approve of Allura being the motivating factor behind so many of my actions. I can't see her expression, but I am sure she is scowling, the witch stalking towards me. Anyone else would have been cut down for their daring, wouldn't have had the nerve to approach me with such anger and open hostility. But Haggar isn't just anyone. She is as close to a mother as I have ever known, and I trust her more than I trust just about anyone else on Doom.

Haggar holds special privileges that allow her to speak freely where others cannot. She doesn't hold back, doesn't care that there are others present that would spread to others whatever is spoken between us. She'll berate me if she must, and I'm sure these terrified mice will laugh about it in the privacy of their own homes. But for now they remain rooted to the spot, trying to hide their fascination at the conversation taking place.

"Why is she still here?" Haggar demands, shaking a bone thin finger at me. "Why is that bitch not already on a ship back to her damnable world!"

I take my time answering, having snatched another piece of meat off the slave girl's platter. Haggar all but shakes with her impatience, gleaming eyes narrowed in annoyance. "She's not going back."

Haggar does not look surprised. She had to have heard the rumors, the gossip driving her to use her magic to spy and ferret out the truth of what is really going on. It doesn't mean she accepts what is happening, or that she will keep silent about her dissatisfaction with what I've done.

"What possible reason could you have to keep her here any longer?" Haggar asks. "You've gotten what you wanted from her."

My expression comes closer to betraying my private upset to the room. I busy myself with eating, but inside I am hurting. Seething over the inaccuracy of Haggar's words. She won't understand, Haggar's never been in love, never been betrayed in the manner that I have been. She's never suffered a broken heart, never lost her ability to love, or to believe in love. She's never known what it is like to have all your hopes and dreams crushed so completely.

"It's not just about the sex." I finally say. The witch makes a scoffing sound, her disbelief mocking me.

"If it's not about fucking her, than what IS it about?" She demands. "What possible reason could you have for keeping her around any longer than you need too?"

"Allura and I have an agreement." It is purposefully vague to draw the maximum amount of reaction from Haggar.

"Oh yes, I've heard about your so called agreement." Another disapproving glare, Haggar shaking her head no. "You can't possibly mean to help her planet! To extend the Empire's own resources to save that pathetic world!" She didn't give me a chance to answer, gasping, outraged. "You do!" Another shake of her finger, Haggar growling now. "Why? She can't be that good a fuck! No one is!"

"I've given my word."

"Oh, your word." Mocked Haggar. "We all know it's not worth much of anything. You make and break promises as it suits you. Why should a promise to Allura be any different?"

"Because I will it to be so." I calmly replied. "Allura has come a long way, has sacrificed much to get help for her people."

"Oh yes, so self sacrificing." Haggar grumbled. "And yet if she had any real sense, the little bitch would have married you when given half a chance. That would have solved all of Arus' problems years ago."

The familiar pain spikes through me. I've often wondered why Allura had been willing to do just about anything for her planet and people except the one obvious solution. Why did her self sacrificing nature balk at the idea of tying herself to me in that way? Why had Allura been willing to sacrifice everything but her own future? I would have loved her. I would have cherished her more than my own life, would have worshipped her as a living Goddess. But she had turn her back on my love, on the happiness we could have achieved together. Now all that was left was lust, angry and violent, and designed to hurt rather than please.

"Allura was only sixteen years old the first time I asked her to marry me." I say out loud. "Perhaps too young to make such a life altering decision." A bland smile from me, as if this doesn't hurt me at all. "Enough time has passed since then, that she has had to grow up."

"Grown up, or just gotten that desperate?" Haggar wanted to know. Another sharp lance of pain through me, for I know it's the truth Haggar has voiced.

"We've all grown up." I tell her. "Grown up and become wiser. I know now that Allura and I would never suit each other in marriage."

"Thank the Dark Gods for that small favor." Hagger mutters.

"Just as Allura knows that marriage is no longer an option." I continue. "If anything, I am doing her a favor. Allowing her to buy my help with the only coin left to her."

Haggar seemed to consider that, slowly shaking her head no. "I still don't like it."

"It is not required of you to like it."

"With the amount of help Arus needs, Allura is going to have to whore herself out to you for a long time..." Haggar complained with a sigh. I can't quite hide my satisfaction at that, which only serves to add to the witch's agitation. "This is not something to be happy about." She tells me angrily. "I WORRY about you."

"Where Allura is concerned, I can take care of myself."

"I'm not so sure of that." She reaches out to touch me, to hold me still when I try to turn away. "Lotor...this has all the makings of a disaster."

"For Allura, perhaps." I say.

"For YOU!" She corrects none too gently. "You're this close to falling into back into her clutches. How much worse will her hold on you become, if you are forced to spend even more time with her? How much more time before you are back to chasing after her, proposing marriage, trying to make her the Queen of your empire?"

"You go too far witch." I snarl, jerking free of her hands. "Even for you!"

"I speak out of concern. Not just for our people, but for YOU!" She persists. "I don't want you to fall back into old habits, especially the bad ones. Allura has an effect on you. She's always clouded your judgment, always made you act foolish."

"That Lotor is a me of the past." I retort. "The only use I have for Allura is for her body. For the pleasure she can give my cock."

"You can get that pleasure from a million other women." Haggar insists. "And at far less a cost than the price Allura will exact from you!"

"It is because it is Allura, that the pleasure will be a million times more satisfying!" I shout, my temper having snapped at long last. Haggar doesn't so much as flinch, giving me a pointed look.

"You had her all last night, did you not?" She demands, hands on her hips. "And not one inch of you reeks of satisfaction. If anything, you are in a mood fouler than any I've ever witnessed from you."

"It's because you badger me." I snarl in retort. "You know I do not tolerate well having my decisions questioned."

"Is that all it really is?" Haggar asks. "Or are you already so consumed with that bitch, that all you really want is the chance to get between her legs a second time?"

"Oh how little credit you give me. To think I would let the night pass and only have Allura a single time during it."

Haggar doesn't appreciate my little jest. "You didn't answer my question."

"I don't need Allura." I insist. "I certainly don't need to have sex with her constantly." But even as I say this, something inside me twitches at the lies I have spoken. I do need Allura. If only to satisfy my sick impulses and need for revenge against her. Even as I know Haggar is right, that I should distance myself from Allura, I know I will not. I'm already addicted to her, to having her in my bed. And it is the lack of her that leaves me in such a foul mood, my body tense and wound up tight as though I have gone days without sex.

"Are you sure?" Haggar demands, her tone, even the way she stands, shows her strong doubt towards my claims.

"Of course I am." I snap back insistently. "I am in complete control of the situation and of Allura."

"And of yourself?" questions Haggar, but she doesn't wait for my answer. She's too in doubt of the situation, to ever believe anything I might say in regard to Allura and my plans for her. I try not to share in the witch's doubts, try not to let uncertainty fill me at her words. I have Allura right where I need her. Her fate now in my hands, Allura living to serve me and me alone. She might as well be a slave, for all the rights and freedoms I'll allow her. But always there is a choice, or the illusion of one at any rate. Allura could turn her back to me, could refuse the price that I demand. And all she has to do is walk away from Arus, and ignore the needs of a people she has spent her entire life working to provide for.

It's something Allura would never willingly do. No matter how depraved and degrading I am to her, she would never just abandon Arus. It is her own nature that has trapped her with me, that has sealed her fate. With her own two hands, with the many bad decisions she's made over the years, Allura has driven herself to this own end. I can only smile, and revel in the fact that Allura's mistakes are my rewards. And all the while I try to ignore the bitter feeling that infuses my every thought, my every action.

To Be Continued...

Okay I had specific plans for 10...but I think I have to do a hopefully SHORT interlude chapter for 10 instead. Sorta to get to the things I couldn't, and try to get Lotor in the proper frame of mind for what happens in the Allura POV. Overall I am pretty happy with this chapter! :D

-Michelle

Viciously Witty, it's okay! The rewrite was the better version of seven, so you didn't miss out on much. :) I was pretty unhappy with the first attempt at seven too. ^^;; And thank you so much! I'm smiling just thinking about your kind words. I'm honestly not sure how this one will end. I started out just wanting to write a smutty thing. A quick one shot based on an idea I had about Allura having to keep giving everything to Lotor for his help until she had nothing left to barter with but herself. But when i sat down to actually write out that idea, it got all twisted in my head, and the result is what you've been reading. I have scenes planned, just got to get to them. But overall, I am letting the muses (Or is it insanity...) guide me. Seeing how the characters emotions and thoughts inspire me towards what direction to take. I do have in my head some thoughts for things that might get Lotor to realize he has more feelings for her than just revenge and lust. Whether or not he can make it up to Allura though, that's the real difficult part. X_X

You're right he is hurting himself as much as her. Sometimes he understands that, other times I think he doesn't. Like he doesn't seem to completely understand his actions are just proving to Allura that she was justified in refusing to marry him all those years ago. *face palm.* I'm not sure at this point how to have Allura give back short of her say getting her hands on a whip! XD But if you have any suggestions on how, I'd love to hear 'em!

DimerasLover, wow! I have got to make time to watch the Go Lion DVDS I bought. (I've only watched a few eps of Sincline's first appearances and then the Romelle/Amue episodes.) But one thing, I try to keep Go Lion cannon different from Voltron cannon. If I was writing about Fala and Sincline I would acknowldge she had siblings. But since as far as I remember, the Voltron universe she was an only child, so I keep her that way. But I admit, I'm sorta tempted to someday write fic where she did have those siblings from the Go Lion universe! XD But thank you so much for answering about it, cause I was very confused.

And thank you regarding the new chapter. Yes, that had to be a hard walk and not just because she wasn't in condition to make the journey. It's like the ultimate walk of shame, having to walk past guards, servants, and any nobles that happened to be around at that time. And you just know that everyone knows where she's been, with who, and what happened, even if they don't know the explicit details. Oh and I don't worry! Except for feeling like the second half of eight might need a rewrite, this story is safe. I meant a different story I worked on this past week had me so unhappy. Thanks again! *hugs*


	10. Chapter 10

It is not easy to be King of an empire as vast in size as that of planet Doom's. There are hundreds of worlds claimed under Doom's name, billions upon billions of people dependent on the decisions I make. People live and die on my whims, my need for absolute control not allowing me to leave the big decisions, the important ones, to any other's hand. I am more involved in the running of the empire than my father ever was, the men and women who rule on each individual world mere figureheads who must answer to me.

Because I am not one to forgive mistakes, those figureheads exerting much care to keep things running as smooth as possible. They endeavor hard to keep the Empire a well running machine, their blood, sweat and tears it's oil. They know that any mistake could end up a clog in it's gears, fearing the price I will demand as penance for their errors. They fear me, knowing it's not just a loss of power they will have to face, but death itself. Their zest to keep on living is a fine motivation for them to do right by the Empire. It's not like the old days, not like when my father ruled. Back then there was much greed and corruption, and worst of all a shameless lack of work ethic. I changed all that, executing most of the old regime and infusing my own rule with new blood and ideas.

Those ideas have helped Doom to flourish, it's prosperity the envy of all other worlds. They want our riches, our power. They want the security Doom's name can give, the protection of it's military. They've fought, begged, even tried to buy their way into my kingdom. All clamoring for just a taste of what they once viewed as a fate more horrid than death.

It is still strange to think of how different things are, ten years later. Every day new applicants try for a chance to become part of the Empire. And every day I am rejecting many of those, finding them too poor, too weak, too insignificant to burden my own glorious Empire with. Arus is one of those types of worlds, a planet that would only be a drain on the Empire's resources for many years to come. There is nothing of value left on Arus, nothing but war torn lands that can barely sustain life. Arus doesn't even merit my consideration, and if not for Allura, I would have wiped my hands free of that world years ago.

It causes a stir now, in the Senate, many of the men and women present learning for the first time how serious I am about maintaining my promise to Allura. They can't understand why I would bother, why I would not just simply take what I want from her, Arus be damned. It's more than the lack of understanding that bothers them. They are uneasy with my show of renewed interest in Allura, having thought me free of my obsessions years ago. They don't know I have been waiting, dreaming of this moment, anticipating Allura's most desperate hour.

To smile now would only encourage the Senate's worst fears. I must maintain a neutral expression, act indifferent to what Allura's presence here on Doom means. I mustn't betray how badly I want, NEED her. I can't let on that even now I want her, that I want nothing more than to bend her over my desk and thrust myself to satisfaction in front of the horrified gathering of Senate members. I'm half hard just imagining it, Allura's cries of discomfort mingling with the scandalized gasps of the Senate. It would serve them all right if I followed through on that desire, but I am conscious to remain in control. I will not become slave or addict to my lusts, will not do something that justifies the Senate's fears. I won't even call on Allura at all today, if only to prove a point to them and to myself, that she holds no power over me.

I am in doubt of just that, half day dreaming about being inside her. The sex had ultimately been unsatisfying, my body reaching it's climax, but leaving me feeling hollow inside. I try not to think about the reason why, try not to acknowledge that some part of me feels regret that I use Allura rather than love her. I insist to myself that the sex will get better, that I will learn to just accept the instant gratification I can get out of Allura.

I hate that I can't just take the sex for what it is, that my emotions and feelings are so tied up into the act. Why I must hurt to know it's not love that has brought her to me at last. Any other woman, I could have distanced myself from, taken the sex and been satisfied. My revenge isn't coming as easy as I would have liked, and if I'm not careful, it will be Allura who has the last laugh over me.

The fear of that, of Allura winning? It's what drives me to keep away from her now. I tell myself I have to take her in small doses, that I can't indulge myself inside her as much as I want. I chafe at those self imposed restrictions, but know it is for the best. Nonstop sex won't free me of Allura's spell, but to my frustration I don't know what will. It is a dangerous game I've set into motion, my need for revenge allowing for the opportunity for Allura to hurt me once more.

I wish it could be otherwise. I wish I could just take what I want without the risk she poses to me. But the reality of having her, is far different from my imagining it, my feelings putting unexpected pitfalls in my way. I can't distance myself as much as I need to, can't detach myself from the pain and hurt she has caused me. I haven't even been able to enjoy the start of my revenge, finding myself not as cold and indifferent as I had thought myself. But it's not love I feel, never that! Not when I have such twisted impulse, such a depraved desire to hurt her.

And not just to hurt! I want to control her, to take over her life and her thoughts. I have hourly reports delivered to me, people watching, waiting should Allura dare to leave the guest quarters. But she hasn't even set one foot outside her bedroom, hiding from me, from the people inside the castle. Her only confidants are those servants she brought with her from Arus, and so far they are not willing to talk about what Allura does inside her chambers. I wonder if she sleeps, if she tries to recover from the abuse I've done her. Her body may heal, but her soul is a different matter, Allura surely suffering at the thought of having to sell herself to me.

I'll busy her with reminders of just what she has done. The food and drink delivered to her? Sumptuous feasts of rich roods meant to fatten out her curves a bit more, all to make her all the more pleasing to my eyes. Regular fertility shots will be administered. I won't have a pregnancy ruining my fun. And then there is the clothes, the new wardrobe I have ordered for her. It is an extravagant display of my wealth, several hundred thousand credits being donated to clothe Allura for her new role in my life. It is just a fraction of the wealth I have at my fingertips, mere chump change to Doom. But to Arus, the money spent is enough to save hundreds of lives. Allura will hate the reminder that the clothes bring her, that every scrap of silk she wears is a small part of the fortune I am using to save her beloved planet.

I regret that there isn't time to devote more of my attention to Allura's wardrobe. But I am an Empire's King, far too busy to spend time making choices on my paramour's closest. The staff at the boutique I favor, have excellent taste. They know what I will like, know what my preferred look and cut is, down to what kind of fabrics I like to feel against my skin. Allura will be made all the more dazzling by their expertise, and I look forward to seeing the finished result.

But more than that, I look forward to stripping her out of those fashionable garments. To see her clad only in the sheer lace of her under things. Already tortured with need, my cock stirs, throbbing in response to the idea of Allura clad only in the tiniest wisp of panties. I gnash my teeth then, angry that mere thoughts can have such an effect on me. But my anger can't soothe the arousal once started, my erection hidden only by the desk in front of me. I want to summon for Allura immediately, to force her to deal with the problem she has caused me. But I won't. I won't give her the satisfaction to be THAT out of control. I won't allow myself to be made that dependent on her. I'll suffer in silence, endure the concerns of the Senate before carrying on with my day. I'll leave Allura alone in her chambers, all the while knowing she is on edge, fearing for the summons that will force her back to my bed. The fact that she'll spend an uneasy day worrying, is almost enough to soothe me. Almost but not quite, leaving me to stifle a groan. I tell myself it will get easier with time, that I won't always want her this strongly. But I worry all the same, fearing how my lusts may prove me wrong on that point.

To Be Continued...

Okay, sorry...rather short one even for this series. I know I say this is a Drabble series where I don't worry about length...but I still feel bad about the shortness of this one. ^^;; But it was sorta a bridge between events...I'm hoping I explained and made it clear that Lotor decided he's gonna try to hold off on sex with Allura just to prove to himself he can resist her. *worrying I screwed that up like whoah!* This is a spoiler, but I am setting him up to fail spectacularly! XD

Michelle

Viciously Witty, thanks! He does deserve a smacking...though not everyone who has read this story thinks that. (I have some readers on live journal who come off as mad at Allura, or at the least not very sympathethic to her. ^^::) You've given me something to consider with the almost a revenge if she does forgive him idea. It'll be fun to see how this shapes up by the end...whenever and whatever that is. ^^;

DimerasLover, thank you. Oh yes! The Merla eps. Such delicious but conflicting moments. He admits he loves her, that the love is stronger enough to fight Merla's powers, and then does the absolutely stupid thing of leaving Allura with the woman who just tried to kill her. *face palms.* I know it was done not to make Lotor seem stupid, but because the writers probably couldn't figure out how else to give the Voltron Force a victory. But still...

Thanks for the epic comment regarding Haggar! I was so worried I was gonna screw up that conversation. I actually took like a ten hour break once she got into the room...but I am pleased with how the conversation came out! You know, I don't think Lotor completely understands just how much he AND his father terrorized her over the years. I mean he knows some things, but let's face it. Lotor didn't exactly like his father, so I doubt he'd be broken up over his murder. I wouldn't be surprised if he can't understand why Allura would be about about her parents being killed because of his own feelings for Zarkon. *face palms.* Don't worry about being late to review. I appreciate the reviews you do give me. I thrive off feedback! :D


	11. Chapter 11

I can't ever remember being allowed the luxury of spending an entire day in bed. Always I have had responsibilities, from my studies, to ruling, to being the pilot of blue lion. I can remember the endless pages of paperwork that required my signature, the near indecipherable legal prose I had to read over and understand. The meetings with people both of my planet and dignitaries from other worlds, all ending with me attempting my best to help and meet the needs of all who had come to my home. The times have changed. I am unable to help many, their problems and concerns seeming a thousand times worse than what I have had to deal with when Arus struggled to survive a war with Doom. It is strange, but I miss those days. I miss the constant struggle to remain free and independent of Doom's greedy ambitions. Most of all I miss blue lion, I miss the illusion of freedom being a pilot gave me.

I've never been a carefree woman. Arus always needed me too much. My people were always rebuilding, the crop fields were always in danger of being razed to the ground. Often times we didn't have enough medicines, or the money to buy the medical treatment my people so often needed. There was always some kind of problem, some situation to deal with. And yet that time was the closest to happy I can ever remember being. I mourn for that fleeting taste of happiness, fearing, knowing I will most likely never again know true joy. I've come too far, I've changed too much, to ever truly be satisfied with my life.

Just as I've changed, so has Arus and the galaxy. The Galaxy Alliance is no more, all but torn apart once Doom began thriving under Lotor's rule. Many of the planets who were once members of that great Alliance? Gone now, having pulled out in favor of throwing their fate with the Empire. Those who remained, clinging to the old ideals? They too gained the Empire's attention, the Drules ruthless as they attacked, killing off the leaders, and enslaving the people. With so few planets left to the Alliance, there was little chance to hold back the Empire's onslaught even with Voltron attempting to lend aid.

During the early days of Lotor's rule, the Voltron Force had been stretched thin. There was simply too many worlds that needed saving, and too few allies to help us. The Doom Empire had been growing in numbers, it's strength added to with each new planet that willingly became a part of it. With so many ships, and the soldiers to fly them, the Empire made a sweep of the galaxy, consuming all it came in contact with. It was a losing battle we fought, and not even the most idealistic of us, Keith, could keep the faith forever.

Especially when the Alliance formally ceased to be. With no Alliance to fund us, things rapidly worsened. Money Arus had depended on was no longer there to borrow against, to buy the things we so desperately needed. Nor did the planet's treasury have enough gold to make up the difference. Other worlds wouldn't lend to us, save for a few like Pollux who still remained grateful for the assistance the Voltron Force had provided in the past. But with the situation as it was, not even gratitude's generosity could sustain us all for very long.

Little by little, the handful of planets that had remained loyal to Arus, simply stopped acknowledging my pleas for aid. It had hurt, but I had to be brave, to make a show of understanding that those worlds had to take care of their own first. They and Arus weren't the only ones whose needs weren't being met. The Voltron Force itself was struggling, torn apart not by politics or broken friendships, but by empty pockets. No money equals no future, and there was no Alliance to pay the Voltron Force's salaries. The work was increasing in difficulty, the fights ever more dangerous. There was no money to make it worth the risk to our lives, no glory for failed heroics. Lance was the first to leave. He just packed up one night and left, not even a note to say good-bye. Hunk and Pidge left soon after and together, returning to Earth to start over there.

I had cried the hardest when Keith left, the parting made all the more painful by the way he tried to justify his leaving. I still remember his words, the slap in the face they gave me, when Keith nervously admitted there was no future left to Arus. It hurt all the more, because I felt he was right, but I didn't wonder how things could have become so bad. Arus had always struggled to get by, to survive the sixteen year war with Doom. Zarkon had nearly destroyed us the first time he invaded, and the fact that the war had continued for so many years ensured we never completely recovered from the damages done to our world. The dreams of returning to the paradise Arus had once been, were just that, the planet too poor, too ruined, to recover on it's own.

If I could have found a wealthy benefactor, things might have been different. I might not have had to sell myself to Lotor. But those worlds wealthy enough to play savior to Arus, had no such desire. They only wanted to take what they could from Arus, to further drive us into ruin in some sick bid to prove themselves worthy of the Empire. Other worlds that may have had an interest in helping Arus, soon lost all desire when I gave up Voltron to Lotor. What good was my father's robot to a people who were dying? It could do little save buy us aid that would help the planet and it's people to live just a little longer.

I could barely look at Lotor the day he personally came to take the lions from me. I didn't want to see the cold amusement in his eyes, or worse yet pity. Worst of all, I didn't want to risk him asking to marry me once more, afraid of my answer, afraid I would say yes, afraid I would say no. Either answer would have led to my suffering, and I don't know if I had been desperate enough back then, to submit to Lotor's lusts even to save my dying people.

It is that reluctance, that refusal to do what Arus needed done, that led to the civil wars breaking out. There were many who resented me for refusing Lotor. They felt in denying the King, I had denied Arus, damning it and my people to never ending suffering. Worse, I knew it to be true, refusing to do that one thing in some desperate act to preserve myself. Selfish I know. The good of one cannot outweigh the good of the many, and yet that's exactly what I had done. And no amount of trying to save Arus through other means could atone for the sin I had committed.

I came to hate myself, to despise my actions. I wasn't alone in this, a good number of the people of Arus splitting into factions. Siding with greedy, grasping nobles who thought it their chance to seize my crown. I don't even know if they thought things through, if they had any real plans to change things on Arus. But the infighting began in earnest, nobles targeting not only me, but each other. Lord Plactus wasn't the only one to come close to hurting me. There's been a handful of others, their intent to either capture or kill me, depending on how valuable they thought my life was to Arus.

I had feared more the ones who would capture me alive, then the ones who would see me dead. At least dead, I wouldn't have had to hurt anymore. But alive? They would have used me in an attempt to barter with Lotor, to sell me off as the means to buy more financial aid from the Empire. It's exactly what I have done, submitting myself to what has proved inevitable. Only the nature of my dealings with Lotor has changed, there's no more promise of a ring in my future. I'm nothing more than his property, stripped of everything, including my pride.

I can't even keep from crying, the hot tears seeming to burn their way down my cheeks. I've spent much of the day sobbing, stealing what little sleep I can once I've collapsed exhausted from my grief. I feel as dirty and used as Lotor has made me, and not even the two showers I've taken have chased away that unclean feeling. It is made worse when the gifts start arriving. The tokens that are meant to serve as no more than a reminder of what I am. A kept woman, who has no true freedoms left to her. For all my disgust and self loathing, I still try to eat the meals that are brought to my chambers. I share this food with my maids, and we're nearly all sick. We are not used to such rich foods, or to the abundance made available to us. We almost feel guilty to have so much when we know there are so many starving on Arus. Often time the people of Arus don't get to eat more than one meal a day, let alone the three that have been delivered to me.

The second meal is easier to swallow. We've learned to control ourselves, no longer eating as though this might be the last meal we'll ever enjoy. For the first time in weeks, my stomach feels full and I don't even attempt to partake of the indulgence that is dinner.

Sometime in between these meals, a doctor is sent to me. She is very brusque, actually looking down her nose at me. If I had dared forget why I was here, what I was doing, the shots make me remember. I'm given two, both as potent a pregnancy preventative as there exists. I am informed these shots will be a daily part of my life, that accidents will not be tolerated. The doctor treats me as if I want to trap Lotor with a baby, but I don't try to correct her way of thinking. I let her check over my shoulder, the doctor cleaning it with an antiseptic and insisting I will be fine.

I don't FEEL fine at all. I hurt, and it's not just the aches and pains of my body. I am upset, my very thoughts and emotions torturing me. I am disgusted by what I have had to do, what I will have to continue to do. The self loathing is nearly my undoing, and it intensifies every time I notice the bruises on my arms. And by the clothing, several packages arriving. It's just the beginning, the first of my new wardrobe. I barely examine the items save for the first gown. It is a rich ruby red in coloring, with several glinting diamonds sewn into the frame of the bodice. The women I have brought with me from Arus, all gasped to see it, Marie actually wondering if the jewels sewn in that and the other gowns were real.

Another, Andrea, scoffs at Marie's naivety, insisting that of course they are real. That humbles us all, the realization upon us that this one single dress holds enough wealth to feed an entire village on Arus for a month's time. Never have I known such luxury, such an extravagant waste of money. I come from a world that is badly in need of the money Lotor casually spends on dresses, the clothing a stinging reminder of how much I, and Arus, now depends on his generosity.

I do not try on any of the outfits. There will be time for that later. Time for me to get used to wearing such fortunes. I got to bed, clad not in one of the form fitting, slinky silk concoctions, but my own comfortable cotton nightgown. It has a long skirt, the hem falling nearly past my ankles, while the short sleeves leave my arms bare. The neckline is modest, not at all the plunging cleavage Lotor would have me expose. It is neither new nor rich, frayed in places, with several patches sewn into it to make the nightgown last just a little longer.

Not at all sexy, and in no way reminding me of my duty to Lotor, wearing it, I could almost pretend things were normal. Almost, if I kept the lights off so as not to see the opulent surroundings, and ignored the feel of a mattress that is way too soft to be my own.

It is difficult for me to sleep now. It's not just that I am upset, but that I've snatched hours here and there during a day that seemed endless. Some part of me wonders if it will always be like this, if I should get used to sleeping during the day so that I can stay up at night to better serve Lotor. That sends a shudder through me, images flashing through my mind. I remember the feel of him, stretching my jaw. The bitter taste of his come on my tongue, the brutal way he thrust into my mouth. I am suddenly ill, throwing off the covers and running to the bathroom, thinking I may vomit. I do not, and then Marie is besides me. Her eyes are frightened, her face looking far too pale for a woman who spent so much time working out in the sun.

"What? What is it?" I whisper hoarsely, but I already know. There is only one reason why Marie would look so scared at this time of night. The summons I have been dreading has finally come, Lotor deciding he has use for me now. It doesn't matter that it is the middle of the night, my duty is to make myself available to him whenever and wherever he chooses. And right now there isn't even time to change, Marie expressing how urgent a demand the summons for me is. All I can do is eat a quick breath mint, and pull on the thin robe that goes over my nightgown before a guard is hurrying me out of the room.

It's different from the last time. I wonder why, then almost laugh. It's obvious I think to myself. Now that I have been a victim at Lotor's hands, he clearly doesn't trust me to come to him on my own. The guard is here to ensure that I live up to my promise, that I don't try to back out or feign illness. I feel wretched as I am all but dragged the final steps before Lotor's room, the guard none too gently shoving me inside. The doors slam shut, and I flinch, crossing my arms over my chest, trying to rub warmth into my body with my hands.

I feel small, uncertain and uneasy. All my previous aches and pains? They seem magnified in intensity. My chest heaves from my anxious breathing, and I think I may have a panic attack before Lotor even draws near. He's across the room, an open bottle of wine in his hands. His unsettling gaze is on me, the King drinking directly from the bottle. He seems not to care that he spills the liquid on his robe, too busy glaring at me. That look alone is hostile, he's not playing at hiding his emotions at all. I wonder if he's too drunk to care, wonder if his anger has anything to do with me, or if I will simply be the outlet in which he expends his rage on. There's too much I don't know, too much I am scared to find out about. But I sense the danger in the air, and the raw sexual urgency he projects. He's not going to hold back, I know this, and I would collapse in a fit of tears if I thought it in any way that would soften what he intended to do.

"Just what are you wearing?" He finally snarls at me, throwing the wine bottle on the floor. I flinch at the violence of that sudden action, the glass shattering apart. "Answer me, Allura!"

"I...my nightgown?" I stammer it out as a question, my hands beginning to tremble.

"Take it off." He orders me with a sneer. "The sight of that garment offends me." I don't move fast enough, fumbling just to get the robe off. In an instant he is before me, grabbing hold of my gown. My arms are tangled up in the robe's sleeves, Lotor ignoring that to rip to shreds my nightgown. Only a few tattered strips remain on my body, the rest of the torn nightgown in Lotor's hands. He's still sneering at me, but his gaze heats up with a desire all too familiar to me as he stares at my body. I'm still struggling to get my arms free of the robe, wanting nothing more than to pull it close around me. Instead I drop it to the floor, shaking harder as I stand before him clad only in a pair of plain panties.

Those panties offend him as much as the nightgown had. Even as he goes to rip them from my body, he is berating me. "I did not just spend close to a million credits to see that to your proper dressing, for you to appear before me like some, some country peasant bitch!"

My body had tried to jerk away from the violent way he tore off my panties, and now my shocked gaze rose to meet his glare. I knew he was rich, and some part of me had understood that he had spent a small fortune on my new wardrobe. But nearly a million credits? It is an obscene amount, as shocking as his words are hurtful.

"I...I am sorry?" It is more bewildered question than true apology, and does nothing to appease Lotor.

"You are not going to repeat this mistake." He tells me. "Come tomorrow, I will have every last scrap of the clothing you brought with you from Arus burned. You will wear what I give you, or you will wear nothing at all. Is that understood?"

I will not cry, I can't, won't give him the satisfaction of seeing my tears this quickly. "Yes." I hiss at him, the word holding all my bitterness then. I didn't even try to hide what I am feeling, and Lotor is not yet so drunk as to not notice my resentment.

"You have no right to use that tone with me." He snaps.

"I know the deal I have made." I tell him, my tone full of despair and resignation. "I know the rights I have given up in coming here. In continuing to allow you to use me." But those words do nothing to appease him. If anything Lotor is more agitated, his fangs flashing with his scowl. I don't understand, can't fathom what he had wanted me to say. His mood is such that I would say just about anything if it would calm some of his anger down, get him to stop staring at me with such a hostile look in his eyes.

I don't know what is worse. The anger, or the desire I feel coming off him. He seems to resent it and me, but it doesn't stop his cock from reacting. From throbbing with violent need. He seems enormous, dick jutting out through the flaps of his robe. I am still so new to the sight of it, that the size alone is scary. I don't want that thing near me, don't want it thrusting inside me. I remember the pain of it's penetration, the way he had hurt me with it so that I could barely walk after. I shake so badly, actually jerking away when Lotor attempts to reach for me.

The anger in his eyes turn to fury, Lotor lunging forward. This time I don't succeed in evading him, his fingers closing around my arm. His sharp nails dig into my skin, those claws of his drawing blood. I make a small, pained sound, finding myself drawn against him. My nakedness only serves to make me feel more vulnerable, my nipples stiffening in fear. It's just one more reaction that serves to further enrage him, Lotor grabbing my hand. Forcing it against his erection.

"This is why you are here." Lotor tells me, his breath carrying the scent of the wine he had been drinking. "This is the price you must pay to gain help for Arus."

I close my eyes, and nod my head, breathing out a yes. I close my fingers around his dick, ready to pump my hand along it's length. I hear him hiss in response, and I don't understand all the words he says. He's muttering, some of the words in Drule, and all of them angry. When I open my eyes, he's glaring again at me, searching my face for a sign of something, what I do not know. Whatever it is he wants, he doesn't find it, Lotor letting out a stream of curses. He frees himself of my grip, but he is in no way finished with me.

I end up pushed against the nearest chair, trapped against it's back with Lotor's fingers between my legs. He's all a frenzy of movement, almost frantic as he rubs my sex, trying to get a response out of me. I squirm, and dare to push against his chest, not enjoying at all the desperate play of his fingers on me. Lotor bends down to kiss and lick at my breasts, popping one nipple into his mouth and giving a furious suck. That tears a protesting whine from me, my squirming becoming more vigorous.

His fingers and mouth are relentless, Lotor showing more patience than I thought a drunk capable of. I don't want to react, don't want to feel anything but disgust for what he is doing. But as his thumb caresses repeatedly over my clit, I start to grow wet. Not a lot, but enough for him to pull back his fingers. There was no time given to me to recover before Lotor spreads my legs open. He's inside me in one violent thrust, the length of him rubbing over every sore part of me. I start to scream, bracing myself for the pain of his thrusting only to squeal startled instead. Lotor is coming inside me, his hot seed flooding my womb as HE screams MY name.

"Allura!"

Lotor holds me in place. shuddering violently. His breathing is harsh, rasping out of him as he tries to speak. Again he says my name, his face buried against my shoulder. I can do nothing, pinned as I am. I am merely stunned, hardly believing it could be over this fast. It takes more than a minute for Lotor to get over his violent and fast climax, and when he does the curses resume. He jerks out of me so fast, some of his seed splatters on the floor. I am close to joining it, hardly able to stand up, and shaking in my relief.

He doesn't need to pick me up, or carry me to his bed. Especially when his intent is to go to sleep right away. His back is to me, I'm all but ignored. Stunned and shaken by what has happened, and left to wonder why he didn't just leave me on the floor.

To Be Continued...

I think it was Scorpinac who asked about some of like how the Galaxy Alliance might have disbanded/fallen apart. When I first started this story, I hadn't a back story for how that happened. I had just wanted a set up where I could get to the sex right away. Clearly this fic isn't all about being a vehicle just for smut now. Though there's still plenty of smut to be found. XD

Also. my timeline for this fic...Allura's parents were killed when she was just two years old, the war between Arus and Doom starting in earnest. It would continue for sixteen years, ending when she was eighteen. When she was sixteen, Lotor first saw her and proposed marriage. He would spend the next two years chasing after her, trying to force her to say yes to him. By the time she was eighteen, Zarkon died and Lotor became King of Doom. He'd make one final offer of marriage to Allura but she would vehemently reject him, breaking his heart. It would take another ten years before she came to Doom ready to sell herself for the help Arus needed. Allura is twenty-eight in this fic. I haven't decided how much older Lotor is...

-Michelle


	12. Chapter 12

I wake up with a protesting groan, an arm flung over my eyes to block out the lights that have been left on. I smell the still strong scent of several different kinds of wine. The drink seems to come off my skin, as though I had bathed in the stuff. Maybe I had, my body feeling sticky. I am in desperate need of a good bath, but don't make a move to get up. I am too busy trying to remember last night, to remember the reasons that had driven me to drink in excess. That is before I realize I am completely naked, and that I am not alone in my bed.

It shouldn't be that big of a deal. I am used to waking up to strange women besides me. Sometimes three or four at time are crowded in my bed, but none have affected me the way this fragile slip of a woman has. Allura is still asleep, not roused by my movements as I roll over to look at her. The blanket is tangled around one leg, her nipples stiff from the chill of the room. Her tanned skin is oddly discolored, red and purple staining her skin. It's the purple that keeps me from thinking she has bled, the colors and the scent coming off her skin bringing a memory to mind. Of how I brought fresh bottles of chilled wine to the bed, pouring most of the expensive drink all over Allura, and making her squeal as I used my tongue to lap up as much of the liquid as I could. Only to then pour more wine on her, teasing her with my attempts to lick off every drop.

It wasn't the only licking I had done. I can remember now taking my time, holding her down as I used my tongue to explore just about every inch of her. I had especially enjoyed spending an insane amount of time between her legs, licking and teasing the juicy treat there. She gushed beautifully for me, her arousal a continuos flow. Sweet nectar that had been almost as intoxicating as the wine itself, allowing me to grow drunk off of Allura's body.

It's not a bad memory to have, especially when compared to the others that were surfacing. I am remembering everything, from the downright embarrassing, the things I am mortified to have done. I can remember waking up, the worst of my anger lost to much of my drunken haze. To the all consuming lust I had been filled with, the desire I always feel when confronted with Allura. I am remembering in vivid detail the need that drove me to posses her, the reason behind why I now felt bruised and tired. I had lusted all night long, striving desperately for the satisfaction that kept on eluding me. No matter how many times I reached climax inside Allura, the seven times I had fucked her in an attempt to find peace of mind in her body, I had remained unfulfilled.

That dissatisfaction is with me now, a growl emerging from my lips. I remember the sex, but I also remember what else had happened. I remember waking her just to be able to touch her at will, just to be able to do whatever I wanted with her body. And it hadn't always been about my own climax. I had worked her hard, using all at my disposal to bring her screaming as her body was driven to wild peaks of orgasm.

And then there was that one quiet hour, where I had laid for the majority of it's time, hard and aching, and buried deep inside Allura. I had not thrust, not attempted to reach climax. I had merely held her close, her body warm and snug, and fitted around my erection. I don't even know how I quite managed that, how I managed not to move, or how I resisted every twitch and spasm of her body around me.

I am appalled by the intimacy of that particular act, and by that which had driven me to attempt such a thing. Searching, trying to find and hold on to something that was so elusive and never in reach, mocking me with how it slipped away at the last possible second. I don't want to name what that something is, don't want to give it power by acknowledging it. It is the same something that the lack of leaves me so unfulfilled once I am done coming inside Allura. I know I can never catch hold of it, know that Allura has always denied me that one thing. And though I once had an abundance of it towards Allura, it's all but been destroyed, the love twisted into something dark and distorted.

It is a curse, to find myself still searching for the love Allura has never had for me. To find myself so desperate and half out of my mind with denials. And with need. Try as I might to claim otherwise, I need her. Need whatever I can get from her. It's truly pathetic that what she offers me isn't enough, that I have to learn to settle for what little she does give me. I tell myself I don't love her, but that it's important that she feel love for me.

I hate this need of mine. This need I have been desperate to deny. It is worse than any previous fear I have had where Allura is concerned, worse yet than the thoughts and concerns that had driven me to drink. Even before I had the understanding of what I truly wanted her to feel towards me, I had been running scared. Lying to myself that the only danger was my desire, that I lusted too strongly for her body. That lust, and the lie of being so unfeeling towards Allura? It had been the motivation behind a foolish decision. I had actually tried to keep away from Allura, denying myself even the most basic of pleasures.

I hadn't even lasted a full twenty-four standard hours. Pathetic. Drinking hadn't helped cool down the fires within me, if anything it had made me rage further out of control. The more I drank to forget, the more I remembered, all my hopes and disappointments laid out in bleak color. I'm not often a miserable drunk, but last night I had been truly wretched. Remembering the first time I had seen Allura, seen the glimmer of the woman she could become. Even as a girl barely on the cusp of adult hood, she had seem magnificent to me. Perfect and flawless, an exquisite creature who would be light to my darkness. She had been my everything, and sometime during the night of frantic sex, I realized in some ways she still was.

I can't ever get back the purity of that first love I had had for her. We've both made too many mistakes, and I know now that Allura is far from perfect. She is stubborn and full of pride. She can be sacrificing and yet so damn stupid with her choices. She's ruined not only her own life, and the lives of her people, but mine as well. I can't even pretend I have been happy these last ten years. I can't pretend I am happy now, with her in my bed. I look and her, and see my shattered happy ending, and I can't help but cut myself on those shards of broken dreams.

Last night, even as I sought comfort in the wine glass, I was fighting these kinds of thoughts. Fighting them, and trying to prove to everyone, my self most of all, that I didn't need Allura even to fuck. I remember growing angrier the later the hour became, the longer I went without seeing her. Until I was full out raging, snarling at everyone, at the slaves who came to bring me more wine, at the guard I sent to drag Allura to me. I built up my anger, seething with the knowledge that Allura did not come willingly to me. Her every word and action only drove in that point, Allura going so far as to acknowledge out loud the deal she had made. It had hurt me, fool that I am, I had been hoping for a different answer even as I knew there was no chance Allura felt an attraction to me. To her this distasteful affair, was nothing more than a business arrangement. The thing she must do that was necessitated by her planet's needs.

Knowing that, I had still driven the sword in deeper, making her confirm her reasons for being here on Doom. With her hand fisting my cock, I had spoke of her purpose, reminding her of the price I demanded of her, in return for my help. Even drunk, I had known she wouldn't have had any other answer to give me, and yet I had still been infuriated by her agreement. I had searched her face for something, some sliver of feeling that would prove to me I was wrong. Prove she came here not for Arus, not for a planet full of insignificant people, but for me. And when she continued to deny me even that, I had lost it, giving myself over to the desperate desire I felt.

Allura is lucky I had enough peace of mind to even try to arouse her. That I didn't in my drunken despair, take her dry and hurt her even further. I had been hugely, hopelessly, unbearably aroused, had been that way almost from the instant Allura had arrived, clad in that rag of a nightgown that she had dared think a suitable thing to wear before me.

Hungry for her, my arousal actually hurting me, I hadn't been able to resist the feel of her around me. It is a most shaming moment to think back on, to realize I had spent myself within seconds. I've never been one to come that fast, not even as an inexperienced boy, not even with my very first taste of a woman's flesh. I hadn't even been able to fully thrust inside Allura one time, just the hot fit of her around me had been comforting enough to make me climax. I hadn't even been sober enough then, to be embarrassed, my curses born out of the fact that the fleeting gratification of my orgasm was already fading, leaving me with nothing but my emptiness and a woman who hated me.

Hate. It still stabs deep in me, the thought, the acknowledgment that Allura hates me. I want to howl in pain, want to scream at the wrongness of it all. Allura sleeps on, oblivious to my pain. But even if she had been awake, she would not have cared, would have had no words to offer even a token comfort to me. For the moment I am free of the anger that had fueled and consumed me last night, a hollow, empty feeling taking it's place. Leaving me to feel barren and bereft. Wine will not help me to feel better. Nor will fucking Allura set me at ease, not after a night of searching for a reason, for a glimmer of peace inside her body.

It is then that I start to laugh, but there is no joy to the sound. It is bitter, mocking me over the twistedness of my situation with Allura. I can't be happy without her, and it appears I can't be happy WITH her. I can't even truly enjoy the sex, taking only brief gratification that is over in an instant, and followed by anger and depression. By the pain of hurt feelings and broken dreams.

I laugh harder for I cannot cry. The tears won't even come, won't even make my eyes burn in the slightest. I am being torn up inside by my own anguish, by the wounds Allura and I have both inflicted. She stirs beside me, my laughter drawing her flinching out of sleep. Beautiful but oh so hurt eyes look up at me, her pain not quite a mirror of my own. The sheer misery of her expression doesn't stop my laughter, and her pain is replaced with anger. Allura looks barely in control, as though it's taking all she has left not to reach up and slap me for my perceived impertinence. My laughter stops abruptly, ending in a hiss. It's just one look, but the defiance she fights with? It fuels a reaction in me, bringing me back to a time of over ten years ago. Back then she would have had no hesitation in slapping me, and I would have taken it all in stride. Would have almost welcomed the slap if it meant feeling her touch even briefly.

To my shock, or perhaps not so much, I start to grow hard. I want her again even knowing the futility of that act. I desire so strongly for any connection I can make with her, even one that is pure loathing. Never breaking the look we share between us, I roll on top of Allura. Watching the blue of her eyes flash with surprise, before the anger swallows up all other emotion.

"Is seven times not enough for you?" Allura demands as she holds still beneath me.

Apparently not, for my cock is raging out of control. Acting as though it hasn't even had a single climax in the last twelve hours. It wouldn't be like this for any other woman, I would have command of it and my feelings.

Angry now, and more than a little bewildered by body's reactions to her, I give Allura a positively wicked smirk. "I didn't know you were keeping count."

Allura flushes beautifully in her embarrassment. There is nothing she can say to deny that that is exactly what she had been doing. Any attempts would come off for what it was, a bold faced lie that would spare her nothing of her own embarrassment and fury over it's truth. This time when I laugh, it is not so mocking, more a soft chuckle than anything. I don't think for one-second she differentiates from the laughs, her glare deepening even as I lower my face to nuzzle her neck.

There are already marks there, light bruising from where my lips had sucked earlier. I know there are similar bruises all over her body, and ones darker yet from the nights before. I can remember caressing those marks, kissing them during one of my prolonged explorations of Allura's body. There are scratches all over her, wounds I had personally licked over. I realize now not all of them had been caused by my hands. That there was more scars on her body than I had previously noticed. I wonder at the story behind them, but don't let it distract me from my lustful intentions. There will be time enough later, to learn the cause behind those marks. To coax out of her the names of her attackers, and then deal a swift, and merciless justice upon them.

But for now, there is only the two of us, the problems of Arus, even of Doom, unable to touch us. It doesn't mean things are perfect between us. We have enough of our own hurt and issues bogging us down, without adding others to the equation. As I grip hold of Allura's body, I push aside all other thoughts, intent on focusing only on the moment, on the reality of her sweet body. My fangs graze over the pulse point in her neck, feeling how it beats against my lips in a rapid and nervous manner. Allura is still tense, unable to relax completely. So much fear and revulsion does she spend on the act of being embraced by me, my hands caressing over the curves of her body. I do not try to spread her legs, do not try to rush things faster than she is ready for. I have the memories of doing similar during my night of drunken revelry, but it is not a tiresome task to prepare Allura now for my eventual penetration of her. She is after all a sensory delight, touch, taste, look, even sound a wonder to experience.

Her neck and collarbone bear an uneven amount of bruises from my lips. I think what a pretty necklace those marks make, almost smiling as I caress fingertips over the darkest of them. I then nip at one, gently though so as not to break the skin. She lets out a gasp, and it's not all focused on surprise. Allura can't help but feel something when I am paying attention to her, even if that something repulses her. Her body reacts to me, betrays her by hungering for what I do to it.

She shifts restlessly beneath me, and even without speaking, I am sure she wants me to hurry. This slow seduction is probably hurting her just as much as those quick and thoughtless fucks, dealing out the same kind of pained results. But I'm too selfish to stop, too cruel to not force her to keep on feeling these flickers of apprehensive desire. My teeth nip and bite a path down to her breasts, my hands cupping hold of them. Even as thin as she is, they still stand out and I get a little crazed wondering how much bigger they could become once she had had time to regain some weight.

I've always loved women's breasts, always loved the feel of them. The way that soft supple flesh yields under my hands' groping, the way that they look, the feel of them against my lips. I'll never grow tired of playing with them, of working Allura over, so that her nipples grow stiff and ache for the relief of my mouth. But I don't set out to immediately relieve her, instead taking my time. Squeezing and massaging those heavy globes, rubbing my face between them. There's so much I want to do with her breasts, and it's not limited to kissing and licking alone.

_~Later.~_ I promise myself, continuing to fondle her. Feeling her trembles, and the way she squirms beneath me, Allura biting down her lip as though that can effectively muffle the cries she makes. I circle fingers around both her nipples, actually pressing down with my thumb on those stiff points. Holding and rubbing them there, then abruptly doing a quick lick so the tips of her are wet and react to my breath blowing across her skin.

"Ah!" Such music to my ears, Allura's skin breaking out in goose bumps in reaction to the slight chill on her breasts. She's such a sensitive little being, giving such sweet responses when I take my time rather than hurt her. I feel ridiculously pleased when I begin in earnest to lick at her right nipple, my cock twitching with every sigh, every whimper she makes. I pull with my teeth, sucking insistently with my mouth. The force draws another squeal, another attempt for Allura to fail at keeping in her sounds. My other hand is busy with her left breast, fingers caressing, sometimes pinching her nipple to keep it from being totally neglected. I want Allura to want for nothing in the moment, neglecting my own needs to see to fanning desire in her. By the time I spread her legs open, she is soaked, arousal dripping out of her and onto the stained bed sheets.

There is no need to prepare her any further. No need but my own to enjoy this. I slide two fingers easily inside her, rubbing and caressing, twisting them about. She nearly arches up off the bed, her breasts smooshing against my chest. Allura's forgotten enough to gasp out my name, her pretty face dazed with arousal. I rub against her, delighting in the feel of her hard nipples rubbing over my skin. A third finger is added inside her, her passage walls beginning to convulse. Allura is coming from my fingers alone, and it is a beautiful, erotic sight.

As is the sight of her sucking on my fingers, Allura tasting her own juice off of them. Her eyes have closed, and I think she enjoys the taste of her climax. I know I do, fighting every impulse to drop down and bury my head against her sex. It's enough to make me explode, my impatience causing me to shift, to haul her legs up so that her ankles rest on my shoulders. My dick can take no more of this tease, I'm already sliding into Allura before she's done climaxing. The ripples and convulsion around my length make me shudder, my own eyes closing. I want to just remain like this, to just feel her forever climaxing around me but such a thing is not possible. Not now, not when I need so badly.

"Lotor!" Allura cries out my name as I begin to move, my hips urgent as I fuck her. Her breasts bounce with every thrust, with enough force that it has to hurt. But I can't, won't slow down. Not after waiting so long. My body continues to move, to plunge in and out of her in a slide of delicious friction. Pleasure arcs through me, but I have not yet climaxed. I am determined to resist the call of her body, to ignore the constrictions of her next climax.

Thrusting but not yet pounding into her as brutal as I have in the past. My hands slide under her, lifting her ass up off the bed. Holding her in place one moment, then forcing her body to move, to grind back in response to my thrusts. I bend forward, my hair falling over my face. I am sweating, and so is she, beads of moisture I can't wait to lick up with my tongue. Allura is all but screaming, her hands making fists on the pillow behind her. She cannot stop shaking, cannot keep from tossing her head from side to side.

I press against her, her legs being bent back so that they are trapped between us. At some point I hold her by her ankles, keeping her in that awkward and uncomfortable position. She's not complaining, making those delicious, fevered sounds. She actually stares at me, but her gaze is so unfocused, I think Allura doesn't realize entirely who is fucking her now. But I can't forget. I'll always know it's her, always know that it's Allura that causes this sweet pang of pain inside me, my voice giving over to guttural grunts and growls. I am beyond speaking, beyond the ability to think of much of anything but getting my own release. I forget all pretense at being gentle, and begin a ruthless pounding of her insides.

Allura continues to cry out, unable to do much more than struggle slightly. But I don't think she truly has it in her to want to get away, Allura enduring, maybe even feeling a fleeting enjoyment of the treatment I deal out to her. I continue my relentless assault, knowing we will both be bruised and sore. I almost can't stop, my hips pumping furiously even as we both start to come within seconds of each other.

I spill into Allura, and it's like I never climaxed before. What feels like gallons of seed pours out of me, flooding into her. It feels good, leaving me to scream, to roar as loud as I can. I think it frightens her, Allura shaking out of her erotic haze to stare up at me with huge eyes. I keep on holding her in place, making sure she wrings out every last drop out of me.

The highs of my climax never last. I am left as disappointed as I am exhausted, a hollow ache in my chest. Allura has recovered enough to give me a look of sheer disgust, any connection between us gone. She remembers now that she didn't want this, didn't want any of the times I've had sex with her. And just as she hates for having her choices taken from her, she despises me for allowing her to forget even briefly that she loathed my touch. The ache inside me intensifies, no words being spoken as I pull out of her. I can't even look at Allura now, can't allow her the chance to see how much I'M hurting. It comforts us both to think I am a complete and unfeeling bastard, neither one of us wanting to deal with my unexpected and complicated feelings.

To Be Continued...

First I want to say...I couldn't find an ending line that satisfied me. So I feel it just sorta ends abruptly. ^^;; Second, I was 12 KB into writing this, the sex scene had just started, when I got hit with a lot of doubts. I'm feeling like I may have made a mistake with this chapter, and don't know if I should trash this, and rewrite twelve almost from scratch. Don't get me wrong. I really like what I wrote...I'm just having a lot of doubts. I also really don't want to have to trash this...but I wonder if it's not too soon for Lotor to have some of these thoughts and realizations. X_X

Ah well...I'm thinking thirteen will also be a Lotor POV. But I might need more sleep before I attempt to write it. ^^;;

-Michelle

Dimeras Lover, thank you, it's my pleasure! Except when I get hit with doubts and a chapter drives me to aggravation when writing it! XD But twelve was fun to write, even when I started suddenly talking myself out of it. ^^'' Oh yeah, he really is going at her, especially during the night that just went by! Seven times! Whoah! Clearly he doesn't seem to care about the baby consequences! XD And poor Allura in all this...I'm glad you liked the insight into her side of things. And thank you again! *hugs*

Lotor Sincline, yay! You came back! Thank you so much for the awesome and well written words! :D And glad it captures the moments for you. Heh...there's a lot of thinking in this story, rather than just action. (Well and a lot of sex too!) But this kind of first person POV is easier for me to write out thoughts and more importantly feelings than third person is. Thanks again for the nice reviews. Glad eight packed an espiecially powerful punch! I struggled a little with the Haggar Lotor conversation. I actuially took like a seven hour break and then when I came back, it just flowed out of me! Guess I really needed a break! XD Hmmm...maybe in the future the exlovers might be revealed. We shall see if it comes up in the course of this fic!

Megam, thanks. I hope you do come back. If you don't mind, how'd you end up in the Voltron section if you don't like that series? I'm just curious, cause occasionally I meet someone who tried one of my Voltron stories, but wasn't into Voltron. So it makes me wonder what made them decide to give me a chance and read a story of mine.


	13. Chapter 13

It takes time for me to get over the worst of my hurt, my depression clinging to me. I can't even look at Allura, not while the pain is so raw and reflective in my eyes. I won't allow her to see even a glimmer of it, for I can't tolerate even the chance that she will laugh in response to it. I know if the situations had been reversed, I the helpless victim of Allura's every whim and desire, I would have taken a vindictive pleasure to know she was suffering. I would have especially enjoyed it if I had known the misery was of her own making, of a situation she had helped cause.

Not that I blame myself for the problems between us. Even as I need her, even as I desire her with a lust stronger than anything I thought possible, I resent Allura. I resent her for the girl she had once been, the teenager that had been forced to grow up too soon, who had been too stupid and irresponsible to make the smart choice. Allura hadn't even considered my proposal, outright rejecting it as she had done so many times in the past. No real thought had been given, Allura not even deigning to consider the things the marriage would give her and her people.

It is difficult to think of that time, to think of the crushing rejection she had dealt me. Of the day when she had refused me so vehemently, that I was left with no doubts to her hatred of me. That was the day I stopped deluding myself, stopped hoping for the chance that things could be different for us. I had spent two years chasing her, outright stalking her. I had kidnapped her on several occasions, had threatened the lives of her friends and her people. Always when I had asked her to marry me, it had been under duress, during situations where she had to choose which evil she could tolerate more. She had despised me for my ruthless courtship, for my dirty tactics that were designed to force her to capitulate. But I had behaved as much like a gentleman as I could, doing no more than stealing a few kisses from her and demanding her answer.

Back then she had had the devil's own luck, the Voltron Force always managing to rescue her before Allura could give me the yes I was so desperate for. And I know she would have said yes, if only to keep even one more person from being killed. Sometimes I think I went about the proposal completely wrong once I became King of the Doom Empire. Sometimes I think that I should have never abandoned my old tactics, think that I should have kidnapped her one last time to make her watch as one by one her friends died for her refusals. Instead I had tried the respectable route, arriving on Arus with a small escort of ships.

There had been much fanfare with my arrival, trumpet players and the king's own private army standing ready in the red and black uniforms of Doom's castle guards. It wasn't just members of the military that had traveled with me to Arus. I had a small entourage of friends, ready to lend me their support, ready to cheer me on and celebrate my engagement.

There had been slaves present, that of over a hundred healthy Arusians. I had intended to make a gift of them to Allura, giving them their freedom, their very lives back. Someone was appointed to carry and present the beginnings of a lengthy peace treaty between our worlds, the concessions written inside it generous in return for Allura's agreement to marry me. I had come ready to hand her not only her world, but that of the whole of the Denubian Galaxy, and all I asked for in return was for her to commit to a marriage between us and to learn to love me.

She hadn't even wanted to see me, but I had held onto my delusions. Thinking, insisting that someone, most likely that advisor of hers, was keeping her away. It had taken all my self control not to order my guards to storm the castle, to find and bring Allura to me. I had been determined to do things right, flowers, silks, even jewels ready to be bestowed upon my bride.

It would take nearly two hours before Allura would reluctantly appear before me. The Voltron Force acted as her escort and guard, crowding in close around us. Some feet back, were the gray and blue clad palace guards, their weapons held at the ready. I tried to be magnanimous, tried to be understanding of this lack of trust between us. But mostly I tried to focus only on Allura, to ignore the sneers of the Voltron Force, and the curious faces peering from the castle windows.

My every action scrutinized, I had poured out my heart to Allura. I had spoke of my great love, of my admiration and respect for the young ruler. I had made apologies for my father's tyranny against her world, warmly promising the war was at an end, and that bonds of friendship would be formed between Doom and Arus. I showered her with the gifts I had brought, trying to dazzle if not overwhelm her into saying yes. I had made further promises, telling her she would be my queen, my equal in the new empire I would build. I let her know how much I valued her, how much more I wanted from her, how I saw her as a life long companion, the other half to my heart. And then I had waited on bent knee, a ring with the largest diamond Allura had most likely ever seen, being offered to her.

Even now as I flinch with the memory of her instantaneous rejection, I seethe with anger. Seethe with the knowledge that she had let me go on at length for over an hour. Allura hadn't even done me the courtesy of pretending to need to spend some time thinking about her answer. She had refused me right then and there, and thrown insults to my face. Denouncing me as worse than my father. Monster, pervert, murderer. Those were just some of the words she used in her scathing attack. I never want to see you again, was another.

Allura told me she'd rather die than be my Queen, rather than suffer my affection. She showed no pity to the distress and horror of my expression, Allura ruthless in a way I had never expected her to be. My perfect angel had been revealed to have venom in her, using her words to hurt and humiliate me. She all but spit in my face, standing tall, her proud frame trembling with her anger.

The situation, already bad, could have worsened even more. I remember my people's appalled reaction, the silence that followed Allura's last words. None of the Drules could believe the princess stupid enough to turn her back on all I had offered. I could scarcely believe it myself, shocked that she hadn't even tried to think upon the benefits of a match between us.

The silence was shattered when the pilot of red lion spoke, talking to me as though I was trash. Telling me to get up off my pathetic ass, and go home or else. The King's guard reacted instantly to that veiled threat, their own weapons being drawn. The humans would tense for a fight, and only the fact that their princess would have been caught in the crossfire, kept them from opening fire at once. Still reeling from Allura's rejection, I could have given the order for my men to shoot. But as hurt as I was, I hadn't wanted Allura to die. Even as my heart was breaking, I had thought to protect her.

It wasn't just that one time. For years I had used Doom's power and reputation to keep away the worlds that would invade Arus. But that was the extent of my mercies, leaving Allura and her people to slowly starve. Denying them the help they so desperately needed, only sending food and medicines after Allura had sold me the five lions. Voltron was the only thing of true value the planet had had left, and without it Arus had held little interest for Doom. It still doesn't, the planet no longer so fertile from all the wars ravaging it's lands. Food is scarcer then ever, an expensive, hard to find commodity whereas in the Empire it is so plentiful as to allow even the slaves to grow fat from it's taste.

The abundance of good food is something I've always taken for granted. But looking at Allura, seeing how thin she now is, I almost feel humbled by the luxury and wealth I have been born into. I also feel a sense of satisfaction that I can see personally to Allura's needs, that I have the money and power to make sure she never goes hungry again. It is with this thought in my mind, that I make a call for breakfast. I am shocked to learn it is later than I thought, Allura and I having spent more hours in bed then my schedule can allow. I have appointments to keep, meetings to hold, briefings to hear. Much as I would like nothing more than to spend the rest of the day just lazing in bed, I cannot afford to waste any more time.

Brunch is ordered, a meal fit for at least five people being delivered to my room. I take a shower while waiting for it's arrival, and Allura rouses herself long enough to eat a few choice tidbits from my hand. I attempt to coax her to eat more, but it is clear her interest lies more in the nap the meal has interrupted. I leave her to that nap, closing the door to my bedroom as I await the arrival of the first of my staff. With them my work begins, concerns being aired out.

I hear about the latest from planet Mingdalia, a world that has proven rich in deposits of Lazon. Yet another promising vein of the substance has been found, and the Mingdalians will need even more slaves in order to excavate this newest lode of lazon. In it's unrefined state, the lazon is a toxic substance. a slow acting poison that eventually kills off those who maintain prolong contact with it. The Mingdalians have been going through thousands of slaves in order to supply the Empire with the lazon that fuels so much of it's energy, but the expense is well worth it. We NEED that lazon, more than we need the lives of those slaves, and I do not hesitate to order another fifty-thousand sent to Mingdalia, all the while knowing I am sending those people to their deaths.

Along with those slaves, I will send ships, a sizable fleet being assigned to guard the transport of the newly mined Lazon to one of the processing facilities on nearby planet Likalia. There the lazon will be treated, transformed into energy and fuel, even forged into weapons for my soldiers to wield. No longer toxic, but still deadly in it's new form, the lazon will bring me several lifetimes worth of riches in the use of it.

Not all the news pertaining to the lazon is good. There's been negligence on planet Falsilla, the government lax in maintaining the rigid safety protocol towards it's processing facility. An accident has happened, one that will have global effects on at least a third of the planet. The people that worked in the processing plant that day? Dead, along with the inhabitants of the three cities that were closest to it. The plant has suffered a meltdown similar in type to one of a nuclear nature, lazon spilling into the waters, even affecting the air and making it a vaporous poison to breathe.

This is not the first time such an accident has happened. Seven years ago, on another planet, we had been foolish enough to house a handful of processing plants on a single world. When one had gone down, the others had followed in quick suit, killing off the entire planet down to the smallest of insects. The planet would never be a recoverable world, too ruined by the melt down to ever house life again. But it's people's lives were not sacrificed in vain. The number of processing facilities per planet were lessened, the safety protocols increased. Doom was determined to never again repeat the mistakes of it's past, to never again lose so much lazon in one careless rush to make the substance useable.

Lazon drives us. It is essential to the Empire's way of life. But it is not the only thing I hear about on this day. A planet newly admitted into the Empire, is close to having it's slaves rebel. That cannot be tolerated, cannot be allowed to happen. Doom, and I, have worked too long and too hard to allow some insignificant insects dare think they can affect their situations with a few violent riots. I will not allow their situation to improve, will not reward them with anything but even more miserable conditions. I feel very much like a God, as I decide their fate and that of their planet, drunk off the power I wield.

"They have to realize their lives hold only as much value as I decide it does." I tell my staff, who all bob and bow like fish on a hook. "To that end, I want you to gather up several hundred able bodied slaves. It doesn't matter if they've participated in the riots or not, if they're guilty or innocent of rebelling against the Empire. They will die all the same, their bodies carved up, their heads mounted on pikes for all to see."

It is a violent response, cold and calculated to prey on the weakness of those who would riot. Those troublesome slaves might not give a damn about their own lives, but the lives of others? Of friends, family, loved ones, innocents suffering for their crimes? They'll quickly fall into line, and if they don't, I have no problem with killing off the entire population of slaves on that world. All to better send a message that disobedience would not be tolerated.

A planet of dead slaves is an insignificant loss to an Empire that holds hundreds of worlds. To an Empire where when one slave dies, there are dozens more to take that dead one's place. The slaves that would rebel against my rule? They will soon learn how little they matter, dying not to further their cause, but instead to present proof of how futile it is to try and cause an uprising in an Empire as vast as Doom's.

I do not limit myself to dealing with just a few troublesome slaves. I am swift to put an end to all threats to my Empire, from the space pirates who try to steal a piece of my fortune, to those would be usurpers to my throne. Not that there are many who would be foolish enough to try and take my throne from me. Not with my own grip secure on it, my people thriving under my rule. Those who benefit from my decisions, they have little to fear or suffer so long as I remain in power. I've made many rich beyond their imaginings, gained them power and security that my father had never been able to promise the people of Doom. As the situation stands now, there is little that can topple my Empire, little that can destroy it or me.

I am not overconfident. I am all too aware of that which could be seen as a threat to my rule. That perceived threat sleeps in my bed this very moment, the envy of many, the despised of even more. Allura is not a wanted presence here, barely tolerated, and definitely not accepted. Most will not dare speak a word against my decision to bring her back into our lives, but inside they worry. More than that, they might fear, rightfully concerned what effect Allura will have. On me and on the Empire. I know my words will be a meaningless attempt at comfort. Only through actions can I assure my people that nothing will change. That Allura will not change me or affect my decisions. But such reassurance takes time, and while they wait, they will scrutinize my every word, my every action.

They will find nothing to complain about with my decisions on this day. I remain as ruthless and merciless as ever, my judgments harsh but practical. Nor are my decisions tempered with a need to prove myself, or the need to prove Allura has had no effect on my rule. I do not triple the punishments needed for small offenses in a show of proving I am still the same Lotor I was just two nights ago. I am still the ruthless bastard, the merciless tyrant who has guided the Drule into a new era of unforeseen prosperity. We will continue to thrive, and nothing, no one can change this fact. Not even the woman in my bed, Allura stripped of all power, has the ability to get me to rethink my actions. Once it might have been different, once I might have allowed her to affect my own choices and decisions. That time is past. She can not be the voice of a conscience I no longer possess.

Does Allura even understand how different things could have been? Does she even realize the power she had come close to attaining ten years ago? As my queen, my wife, my love, she would have been able to do so much good in the galaxy. So many lives would have been affected by her decisions, and not just our own. Her life, her existence would have mattered, would have made life worth living for so many other people. The things she had accomplished as a pilot and keeper of Voltron would have seemed nothing in comparison to what she could have done as Queen of the Doom Empire.

Once again I feel the red hot embers of anger burn in me, leaving me to struggle not to close my hand and crush the papers I hold. I almost sneer then, thinking what a stupid, little fool the Allura of ten years ago had been. It doesn't excuse that she had barely been an adult, that she hadn't the wisdom to wear the crown of a Queen. I don't feel better to know an older, wiser woman would have leapt at the chances I had offered Allura. The girl she had been, that naive idiot, had NEEDED the experiences of the last ten decades. She had needed to starve, to struggle, to fight for every bit of life she could get. Not only for herself but for her people. She had needed the wars, the attacks on her life, the sicknesses, and shortages of food and supplies. She had needed them all for her eyes to open, for Allura to realize just how badly she has needed me and the resources at my command.

She's not my wife. She's not even the woman that I love, though I want her desperately. She's little more than a bed slave, unable to truly affect anything, let alone my politics, decisions, morals. It's quite the mess that Allura's made, the former queen ruining her life, and nearly that of her people. I can fix Arus, but there will be no saving of Allura. That fact is all the more satisfactory, because I know Allura knows it for the truth it is. It was with her own two hands, that she doomed herself. With those very hands that had pushed me away, Allura had sealed her fate. I only wish that knowledge could chase away the hollow feeling inside me.

Ranting time. So I came back to 13, and tweaked it a little. Changed one line to make it clearer that Lotor left Allura sleeping in the bedroom, while he went to deal with the day's business with his staff. Then I added a bunch of new paragraphs after the line about how she cannot be the voice of his conscience. Still had trouble finding a good way to end the chapter. But at least I am not filled with the hate and disgust, the anger and frustration this chapter made me feel the last time I attempted to work on it. So that's good! (Seriously, I had a very angry/depressed note/rant about how the chapter had defeated me.)

And a note about Allura, since some people will probably find her a brat/ bitch for rejecting Lotor like this. I want to write this in a chapter, but don't know if I'll get to. She was terrorized, and not just by his father, but by Lotor himself. That day she rejected his showy "proper" proposal? It was the first time she was in a somewhat safe environment, and boy did she take the opportunity to unload on him everything she had kept quiet those times he had kidnapped and isolated her away from everyone else. It was quite therapeutic for her, if not diplomatic, to tell him exactly how she felt, knowing she had her guards and the Voltron Force there to protect her in case Lotor went ballistic in response. Before you judge her too harshly, you try being stalked, kidnapped, terrorized, fearing for your virtue, watching people be tortured and/or killed in order to force you to give a man you rightfully consider an evil monster, give him the yes he wants, well consider all that before you label her a bitch. That's all I'm asking. Thanks.

-Michelle

DimerasLover, thanks! :) Thanks so much! Yes, a complete mess describes his mental state, his thoughts quite perfectly. They do need to have some kind of talk, but neither idiot is thinking straight to do it. *face palm* And 14 is due for a misunderstanding and some more sex. I just have to figure out how to open the chapter. I'm sorta thinking of doing a time skip of two or three days. But it's nothing set in stone. Whatever the case, it'll be nighttime, like the early hours before it's morning. I know what I want to do...it's just getting to my plans that is giving me a heck of a time to figure out! X_X


	14. Chapter 14

The days on Doom keep me busy, hour after hour spent in meetings. If I am not meeting with the senate, I am dealing with petitioners, or with the problems my staff brings to my attention. I oversee much, going over documents with a fine tooth comb, weeding out problems, finding and removing the corrupt, doing what is needed to keep the machine that is the Doom Empire running.

I've always thrown myself into such work, expending the effort, the time, the energy needed to see my empire thrive. It hasn't always been easy. There is so much more to the Doom Empire, than just invading other worlds. The conquering days of my youth have long since passed, new and fresh faced recruits working to do the manual labor of living through the invasions. I don't always envy them the experience, though a part of me misses the fighting. Misses the sheer exhilaration that came with destroying others not with my words, but with my own two hands. I can command millions to be slaughtered, and yet it doesn't give me the same feeling as being there in person. Of wielding my sword, and getting drenched in the blood of the fallen.

I've put that kind of life behind me. With my father dead, and no other legitimate heir to the Doom Empire, I cannot risk myself even for the thrill I long for. Perhaps it is that absence of the kill, that has spiraled into compulsion, into my downright obsessive need to manage just about every detail of the Empire and the worlds that belong to it.

There is another reason. I've often thought the reason I work so hard, involve myself in so many things at once, has to do with an attempt to distract myself from Allura. From the lack of her in my life. The months after her crushing rejection were spent in frenzy. Plots were made and just as easily dismissed. I was involving myself in learning everything there needed to be known about running an empire, and running it smoothly. I had juggled my studies with schemes, worlds being targeted, even conquered. Bit by bit, the empire had been expanding, though I could never forget Allura and her insult towards me. That insult, that refusal, it drove me to make something of the Empire. To make it something more than what it had been, make it greater than the Galaxy Alliance. To make it so grand, so important, so imposing that even Arus, even Allura, would see how much she needed me.

Revenge has motivated me well. But throwing myself into my work wasn't all about shaping Allura's destiny with my own hands. Part of it had to do with needing a distraction from the pain. From the all too potent memory of Allura's refusal. If I kept myself busy every moment of the day, I couldn't think about her. Nor did I allow myself much time to think at night, woman after woman filling my bed, some eager, some not. I lost myself to the pleasures of the flesh, indulging in sex the way I could not with wine and drugs.

It's been a hellish decade, little true laughter or enjoyment shown my way. I've never truly healed from the pain Allura has dealt me. My heart has never mended, nor have I wanted it's shattered remains to heal. I've lived for revenge, been motivated by the desire for it.

I can't say if my revenge is as satisfying as I dreamt of. Not yet. Not when it's only been a handful of days, with Allura's nearness tearing me up inside. I tell myself it's because the pain is still too raw, that she hurts me because I never allowed myself to recover from the damage she had done me. I tell myself it will get better, that in the coming weeks-months, Allura will be the only one who suffers. I lie to myself that the tears in her eyes, the shadows that haunt her face, the very way she flinches at my touch, won't matter. Just as I tell myself it doesn't matter that the sex is ultimately unsatisfying, the high I receive from her lasting only as long as my climaxes, and leaving me to wallow in a hollow, empty feeling after.

It's that kind of feeling I have now, and it's powerful enough to keep me distracted from the documents on my lap. I don't know how long I've been staring at the top sheet of paper, or how often I've reread the same two sentences in a vain attempt to grasp their meaning. But it's clear I won't be catching up on my work load tonight.

It's Allura's fault. Her very nearness has me afflicted with thoughts of her. My senses are full of her, of the scent of her, of the taste of her, even the remembered warmth of her body wrapped around my dick. She doesn't make much noise in her sleep, except for a few harsh breaths that linger long after Allura has cried herself to sleep.

I've not been able to fall asleep myself. I'm restless, the energy inside me angry. I don't know why I thought I could use this time to catch up on the work that piled up during my late morning with Allura. Not when it's clear I can't concentrate on much of anything that doesn't have to do with the exhausted woman in my bed.

I don't want it to be this way. I don't want my thoughts going in endless circles of Allura. To that end I welcome any and all distractions, tossing aside the documents, but making calls. Rousing staff members from their beds, demanding status updates on a dozen different situations. I can see the shock in their eyes. I've never been one to work this late. The Doom Empire runs according to my schedule, to my whims and desires. It's always been the thing that bends to my will, not I to it. And yet even when I, it's King, is indisposed, the worlds of the Empire keep on turning. In the hours that I sleep, numerous problems crop up, the worlds waiting eagerly for me to rise and deal out solutions to them.

I won't truly do any good this night. Not in this melancholy mood, not plagued with thoughts and memories, the past haunting me just as well as my present. But I can't sleep, not with this restless energy within me. Harassing my staff is the least I can do. I could order the court awake, demand entertainments and killings to pass the time. I could stir everyone up into a frenzy, order slaves whipped for my amusement. Instead I take an almost benign route, hearing about the matters that had come up once I had retired for the night.

Even then I can't truly focus. Not on the work. It just doesn't seem to matter, I just can't muster up the energy to even pretend to care. I listen to the reports, but the words come from a distance. I only pick out sentences here and there, not really caring in the moment. It all seems so meaningless, so hollow. I have built the Empire as a means to attain my revenge on Allura, and yet now that she has been delivered to my hands, I am still unhappy. Still seeking something to make my pain, my bitterness and disappointments go away. I don't expect them to be obliterated completely, but I had hoped for the past's power to dull at least a little.

There's only one escape from my thoughts, from the past and it's power over me. And it's an all too brief one. The actual act of sex with Allura somewhat soothes me, and only while we are engaged in the act. When it's over, just like the tides of the ocean, that brief bit of satisfaction recedes, washed away by my memories and bitterness.

I can't have sex with Allura every minute of every day. And I wonder now if sex isn't the answer to what I seek. That brief high of bodily bliss? It might not be worth all the pain and dissatisfaction that fills me once my climax is done. That thought is the only thing keeping me from waking Allura now. I can't fuck myself to happiness with her, and I don't feel like dealing with the unwanted feelings that stir in me at her tears.

I'm angry, frustrated. I don't know what I truly want anymore. For ten long years I told myself things would get better, that I would become happy once I had Allura in my power, her body mine to use, her soul mine to torment. So far I haven't achieved one bit of that happiness I longed for. And yet I am stubborn, refusing to release Allura, refusing to try and find that happiness through a different route.

Some part of me needs Allura. Needs her in whatever way I can have. It's an ugly truth, and one I don't want to examine too closely. It's just another way I work to delude myself. Just as I had deluded myself into believing things would get better once Allura was in my possession, I now try to ignore the need I have for her. The need that compels me to take and take and take some more, only to never get that which I am eternally seeking.

It's cold comfort to know that while Allura gets that which she so desperately sought, she remains unhappy too. I know I am the center of her misery, the thing that torments her so. It is fitting, for she, her very existence, tortures me in return. It doesn't matter if we are together or apart, either way neither one of us have been happy. Perhaps we are a damned pair, doomed to lead lives that ultimately prove unfulfilling. Right now, everything I have done, everything that has led to this moment seems meaningless.

The happiness that eludes me? It makes me want to hurt someone. To hurt a lot of people actually. For once I don't immediately turn to Allura. This violence rising in me won't be satisfied with our usual game of sex and despair. For all I've done to her, the bedding has never been as brutal as it could be. I've not been able to remain completely cold and dispassionate, but I haven't allowed my own hurt and emotions to hurt her worse than I already have.

Refusing to use sex as an outlet for once, I set about to making other people suffer. To that end I order another planet to be invaded. It's been a long time since Doom has had to throw it's weight around in such a show of force, not with so many planets clamoring to join the Empire. I don't pick some weak and pitiful planet either. The bitterness and hurt in me demands blood, demands a lot of lives be lost in the taking of a new world.

But to take a new world will take time, and this blood lust in me wants a quicker result. I start ordering slaves to be taken to the dungeons, thinking to myself perhaps whipping a few will help calm me down. I even search for traitors among my nobles, those few who would dare speak behind my back about my actions. I want so badly to tear into someone, to make someone scream in pain. How much blood will I spill this night? How much of it will be needed to appease my anger? 

I won't get to find out the answer to that anytime soon. As I scour through documents and files, a name amongst them stands out to me. The Drule I have appointed as the one to go to and assess the situation on Arus. He has been in contact with my staff. There was nothing urgent about the fact that he had reported in. After all he still had another two days before the expected solutions were to be handed over to me. And yet I was curious. He and his entourage had to have arrived on Arus by now. It was not enough time to begun to find a true answer to all of Arus problems, but he'd at least have some idea of what was going on. On what might be needed.

My curiosity doesn't chase away the other feelings in me. My mood is still violatile, my eyes brimming with malevolent intent. It might very well do me some good to make the Drules on Arus squirm, to see them desperately try to come up with ways to appease me.

No further thought is needed. I put the call in to the ships on Arus. It is still daytime on that world, no one being dragged from bed to talk to me. And yet it takes time before the leader of the Arus expedition appears before me, the Drule out of breath, and looking harried.

"King Lotor!" He exclaims, bowing nervously to the screen. "To what do I owe this honor?" I nearly snort in response, knowing it's no true honor I do him now. I am merely a threat, dangerous and unwanted. With my moods unpredictable under the best of circumstances, they were now even worse with Allura back in my life.

"Wensen..." I say, giving the Drule a humorless look. "I understand you have arrived on Arus."

"We made good time, all things considered." That was as close to a chastisement as Wensen would give me. We both knew I hadn't given the man true time to prepare, forcing him to leave on short notice, and without a more sizeable escort of ships and soldiers. I almost regret that now, having let my anger get the best of me at the moment I had given Wensen his mission to Arus.

I'd rectify that later, sending more ships, soldiers and whatever else Arus might need to make a start at turning around the planet's bleak circumstances. But for now, I was interested in Wensen's first impressions of Arus and it's situation.

"You've been on Arus for what...twelve hours now?" Wensen gives a confirming nod. "Tell me. What is your initial impression of the world?"

Wensen actually exhales slowly. "Regrettably, we haven't had enough time to look around, let alone question the people that live here."

I raise an eyebrow at that. "Oh?" It's clear by my tone I am wondering just what the Drules on Arus had wasted those twelve hours on, instead of doing their appointed mission.

"The people on Arus...haven't exactly been welcoming." Wensen quickly tells me.

"I don't expect them all to be." I answer. "But you can handle a few hostile attitudes."

"It's more than just attitude they gave us." Wensen's eyes flash angry then, and if I hadn't been dealing with my own bad mood, I might have laughed.

"Don't tell me they attacked you?"

"They tried to." Wensen confirmed. We both snorted at that, thinking it a laughable idea. The Arusians had little of anything, let alone the weapons and resources needed to hurt the Drule. That they had tried meant they were desperate, maybe even suicidal.

"No doubt they wanted the things you brought with you to Arus." I say. I wonder if they had known the Drules had come to improve things on Arus, or if they had just been hoping to steal whatever food and medicines might be onboard those ships.

"They didn't have the things needed to take on even one of our ships head on." Wensen was saying. "They waited until we had landed, waited until a scouting party was on the ground to attack. Your highness, the group that attacked them? They seemed more interested in the weapons then anything else."

"Makes sense in a way." I muse. "They probably thought they'd have an easier time ambushing the others, if they had Drule weaponry in their hands."

"Maybe so." Wensen gave a shrug of his shoulders. "I've been studying what the previous reports from Arus say. The people have been split up into many separate factions. There are a few that stand out as more troublesome than the others...no doubt any one of those would love to get their hands on the advantage our ships and supplies would give them."

"Do we have a name for the one behind the ambush?" I asked, just as Allura stirs in the bed. I don't look at her directly, but out the corner of my eye I see movement, as she rolls onto her side. She is waking up, but I doubt she will understand much of anything being said. Wensen and I are after all, talking in Drule, a language few if any humans bother to learn.

"Not yet. These Arusians are surprisingly tightlipped." Wensen frowns. "The list may be small, but still sizeable considering the number of nobles clamoring for the chance to rule over Arus." He actually dares to look me in the eye. "And none of them will be happy at the thought of the Empire's involvement with Arus."

"It's not the Empire they have to worry about." I retort. "Arus is MY pet project, funded out of my own pockets."

"You are too generous your highness. And far more than these...humans deserve."

"It's not generosity that moves me." I correct, but I still don't look at the silent Allura. But I can feel her eyes on me, her gaze almost boring into me now. "I made a deal..."

"A deal that I am not sure you are getting the better side of." Wensen mutters. "Your highness...from what I've seen of Arus...I doubt there is much return for any money on your investments. Even if you should make the people of Arus slaves..."

"Making slaves of them is always a possibility." I agree. "But let us rule out other solutions before we go down that route."

"I don't see how there can be another solution." Wensen grumbles. "The planet, while not yet a wasteland, is still in dire straits. Better to take the people from this world, abandon this planet to be nothing more than a weapons testing ground. As slaves, the people of Arus would fare far better than they have, fighting against one another."

It's difficult for me to imagine what Arus must look like now, how far it has degraded from the emerald paradise it had once been. How much has Arus changed, that Wensen could be ready to dismiss it? To suggest it's worth be nothing more than land to test our newest weapons on, almost saddens me. And I know it would never have gotten this bad, if Allura had agreed to marry me all those years ago.

Wensen is still talking, images filling the screen to the side of him. I see the ruined cities, the destroyed crop fields, even the brown, polluted waters of the lake that surrounds the crumbling form of the castle of lions. With all the wars ravaging the land, there's been no real time for the Arusians to maintain their homes, to see to the care and upkeep of the buildings that make up their cities.

"Savages." Sneers Wensen. "Too busy fighting and killing each other to actually live. Rather than fight for the chance to rule over this wretched world, they should be uniting to work together to maintain what they have left."

"The most reasonable course of action is not always the most appealing." I retort. "And there are always some greedy, immoral bastards that would rather see that which they cannot control, cannot own, destroyed than let another have it." I give a bland smile then. "My father felt very much that way when it came to Arus and the lions."

It's clear Wensen doesn't know how to retort to that last bit without giving offense. It's fine, I continue to talk. "No doubt the ambush your men endured, will be the first of similar attacks. Many of those factions won't appreciate the help Allura has bought for them. You'll have to be on your toes."

"Fools and savages!" snapped Wensen. "Too blind to see the chance that has arrived."

"Ah but what chance is that?" I ask. "According to you, my best course is to enslave the lot of them."

"I still feel that way." admitted Wensen. "I cannot see how else you'd get anything worthwhile from involving yourself with these people. Anything of value they had, they've already mined and sold. And they can barely grow enough food on the land that is still of use to them." His lip curled. "You'd be doing them a favor, if you made them slaves of the Empire. At least then they'd be fed and taken care of."

"Better than they've taken care of themselves, I'll bet!" I chuckle with a nod. It is at that point that Allura makes her presence known, the former Queen lurching up from the bed, her hands clutching the thin bed sheet around her.

"You can't!" She exclaims, and one hand lets go of the sheet to grab at my arm. I turn a cold, assessing look on her, but Allura hardly flinches in response. Nor does she let go of me, her own blue eyes flashing with more spark and indignation than I have seen since her arrival in my palace. "That's not what we agreed."

I find it interesting that she is reacting to the conversation I have had with Wensen. That she could have understood the Drule language. It's almost as interesting as it is infuriating, my own eyes narrowing as I wonder what other secrets Allura has kept from me.

"Allura..." 

"NO!" She all but shrieks. "You cannot do this. You cannot make the people of Arus your slaves!"

"And you cannot tell me what I can and can't do!" I snap in retort, jerking free of her grip as I rise to stand. She glares up at me as I tower over her, her hair wild about her face. In the background, on the view screen, Wensen watches in silence. But I know word will spread that Allura had tried to order me around, and spread fast.

"I didn't come to Doom...I didn't give up my crown, my right to rule...I didn't hand over everything to you, just for you to make the people of Arus just another group of slaves!"

"No, you simply handed me a problem, hoping for the best." I retort. "Your people are dying Allura! If they don't succumb to starvation and disease first, then they'll kill each other off."

"Better they die free, then live a life of a slave!"

I stare at Allura shocked, searching her expression for a hint of how ridiculous she had to know that statement was. But I see she is completely serious in that belief. It makes me laugh, though I am not truly amused. "You little fool...how can you think like that, knowing what is happening on Arus?"

"My people have fought for nearly three decades for the right to remain free." Allura says.

"Freedom may be what your people prefer, but what they need is a strong hand to rule over them." I retort.

"To guide them yes, not to control and strip away their rights!" Was Allura's heated reply. "People need to have a choice..."

"Even when those choices ruin their very lives?" I demand then snort. "Sorry, Allura." But I was anything but sorry. "It's not a democracy I offer your people. I will make the tough choices that you and they could not. And they will be better for it."

I was too angry to truly be smug, and my temper only worsened with the slap Allura gave me as her response. I heard the sharp, indrawn breath of Wensen, the man horrified over what the woman had done. She hadn't been strong enough to turn my head, but still my cheek hurt. Worse yet, Allura didn't seem to realize the wrongness of what she had done, staring up at me defiantly.

That defiant look didn't fit with the eternally suffering woman she had grown up to be. It was almost like looking at an Allura of ten years ago, that foolish, naive twit. The words that followed that look, proved to me Allura hadn't truly learned from her mistakes after all.

"I was wrong to come to you." She said, voice almost a hiss. "You can't help Arus. You never could. Well don't worry, your highness." She practically sneered with those words. "This...agreement that we have. This arrangement? It's over."

She actually dared to turn her back to me, and only the trembling of her shoulders showed how affected she truly was. For all Allura's bluster and bravado, she was still frightened. Of me, of my response, of taking away what she had viewed as Arus' only chance for salvation.

"Oh no." I hissed, and grabbed her by the right arm. I didn't take care with my nails, digging them into her delicate skin. She'd be bruised and bloodied by them, Allura trying to get away, even as I turned her around to face me. The bed sheet began to slide downwards, Allura abandoning her modesty to try and slap me again. I could hear Wensen snarling in the background, asking if I required assistance. I didn't even look at him, catching Allura's hand by the wrist. "You don't get to decide when and how our arrangement ends." 

Allura opened her mouth to protest, trying to pull her hand free. I knew I had to be hurting her, my grip almost crushing in the moment. "Lotor..." 

"You're a fool, Allura, if you think I am just going to let you walk in and out of my life any time and any way you please!" I continued. My glare was angry, but hers was turning into a pain filled expression.

"You're hurting me..." She whimpered, but I was without remorse. She then tried a different tactic, expression and voice pleading. "Do what you will with me...but Arus...spare it..."

I didn't give her an answer either way, just staring at her. She again attempted to shift in my grip, a hint of tears in her eyes. I made myself unfeeling stone, refusing to be moved by her tears.

"Lotor...please..." The bed sheet was crumpled on the floor, Allura's uncovered breasts heaving on a sob. I was stupid enough to lower my gaze to them, to allow the sight of her bare body to distract me. That was my next mistake of the night, Allura moving, raising her leg in an attempt to knee me in the balls.

Grunting, and just barely managing to deflect the attack so that she got me in the thigh instead, I shook Allura hard. "There you go again Allura. Making the wrong decisions. It's no wonder Arus declined under your rule!"

She looked shocked then outraged at that, and only struggled harder to get free. "Refusing to be my wife was only one of them."

"Coming here was another!" She spat out.

"Handing Arus over to a man you don't even trust might be the worst yet." I retorted.

"I had nowhere else to turn!" Her voice broke on a sob, but the tears didn't fall. "You saw to that yourself! I came to you in desperation...I never thought..."

"That's your problem Allura. You never think things through, do you?" My own hurt and anger that had lingered for a decade's time, had leaked into my voice. "Not now, and not then!"

"I don't want my people to be slaves..." She whispered. "I thought you understood that..." She sniffled then, giving a fitful shake of her head. "But I was wrong...again. You toss aside the word for slave so casually when it comes to Arus. Tell me your highness, did you even consider any other possibilities before choosing on that fate for my people?" 

My grip loosened, my own expression empty of the shock I was feeling. "What exactly did you hear?" I asked. "How much did you understand?"

"I, hell everyone knows enough to know the Drule word for slave." Allura said. "And you said it several times, and with Arus mentioned too!" A look that was more tired than accusing. "You even laughed at the idea of it!"

I let Allura go completely, aghast. She hadn't known what was being said, Allura had only known a word or two, and had jumped to a conclusion. I had never agreed one way or another about whether to make the Arusians slaves or not. How like Allura to assume the worst of me.

"You really don't trust me..." I say it slowly, dazed. "Or any help I agreed to give you." Allura just stared back, not saying a word. In that moment, I felt a multitude of emotions, hurt and anger the strongest of all. I knew then I had to get away, that I was going to hurt Allura and badly if I stayed.

"Your highness..." Wensen said, when I turned my back on Allura. Again I ignored him, having nothing to say. Nor could anyone, not even Allura, say anything in the moment to make my mood any better. Without looking at either one of them, I simply walked out of my room, intent on finding an outlet to make my pain go away.

*sighs* okay I like this chapter for the most part. However it was suppose to have an angry sex scene in it! *flails* But I couldn't get it right when it got to that part. I'm disappointed...I also feel like maybe I messed up a little on making it clear with the whole Allura misunderstands what she hears and thinks Lotor is absolutely gonna make the people of Arus slaves.

Now the next chapter was supposed to be a Allura point of view...but now I'm not so sure since I didn't get the angry sex scene to happen in this chapter. *face palms.* We shall see...

To Be Continued...

Michelle 

DimerasLover, thanks again! eh, he really needed to take things a lot slower than he did with that final attempt at a marriage proposal. He went into it thinking Allura saying yes was a sure thing, and totally got blown out of the water. Not good for his ego or his heart. Yes, in addition to all of Zarkon's evil, Lotor helped terrorize her too. I swear it has to be some kind of cultural misunderstanding going on...I actually had an idea not for this story, but one where Lotor kills Zarkon in order to get Allura to marry him. Then doesn't understand why she's upset at his actions, that she doesn't exactly warm up to the guy who could so easily kill his own flesh and blood! Thanks, always happy to hear from you, and to know if I got the balance of things right or wrong. :) Now if I could only get the next chapter to whip into shape...

Fuuko no Miko, oh thank you! You can't begin to imagine how happy your kind words made me. I'm glad you like what I've done so far, and that you took a chance on a fic that had a pairing that wasn't your preferred. Thanks again! *bows*


	15. Chapter 15

A warning...cause I sorta feel like this one needs it. Violence warning, and rape warnings in effect. It was dubious consent at best before, but this chapter definitely moves into non con territory big time. (The warning probably just spoiled the end half of the chapter too...but it needed to be said just in case...)

It's not the first time I've stood and watched Lotor walk away from me, his proud, downright arrogant form seeming hunched over and defeated in the moment. Nor am I unfamiliar with the distress I had glimpsed in his expression. But I don't understand it. The distress or the pain he seems to be in. Trust has never existed between us, never had the chance to blossom. So why should our-MY lack of it matter at all to Lotor.

The fact that it does matter should have given me some kind of power. Some kind of victory to revel in. Instead I feel like I am the loser, Lotor's words echoing in my head. He had accused me of handing over Arus and it's fate to a man I didn't even trust, and he was right. But there had been no other option, no other chance for Arus. And I couldn't, wouldn't sit back and watch it and it's people slowly wipe each other out.

I still didn't want the people of Arus to die. But neither did I want to see them all made into slaves. But I no longer seemed to have the power to prevent even that. Not now that I had handed over Arus to Lotor. My hands clench at my sides, my body shaking violently. I can feel the tears in my eyes, but I am more angry than sad in the moment. It brings to mind the girl I had once been, the proud princess who had been so defiant and determined to save her planet and her people. It is a spark I have been missing, have not felt in years. But now, seeing the last of my hopes for Arus dashed, having heard how causal Lotor could toss the word slave around in regards to Arus' people? I feel righteous anger. I want to hurt Lotor. I want to make him feel the pain and humiliations I've gone through, in not just these last few days, but these past ten years.

But is such a thing even possible? I have nothing left, certainly no power with even my right to rule signed away on Lotor's documents. He's truly stripped me of everything, and I am the greater fool for having agreed to it. But I had been so desperate. That desperation allowed me to give up Arus without dictating a strict agreement towards Lotor's plans for it's future. I feel such a fool, even as I know Lotor would never have allowed me to limit his actions where Arus was concerned.

I came to Lotor hoping for Arus' salvation. I know now I've damned it instead. Lotor has never been serious about saving Arus or it's people. He couldn't have been if he could laugh and talk about enslaving my people. And in front of me no less! I fume to be the butt of his joke, to be the sad, foolish queen who had handed her people over to a monster.

My wounds cannot be healed by the fact that I hadn't been able to understand everything Lotor had been saying. The complexities of the Drule language are something I've never been interested in learning, but I do know a handful of words. And nothing in this universe, could ever shake from me the cold dread and fear that fills me, that fills all freedom loving people, upon hearing the Drule word for slave.

That horror had frozen me in place briefly. I had kept on hoping, wishing it was all some awful mistake. That I hadn't heard Lotor and the other Drule talk about Arus and slavery in the same breath. But the word kept repeating through the conversation, until there was no doubt left in me. Lotor was going to enslave the people of Arus, and there was nothing I could truly do to stop him.

Not that I was content to just roll over without trying. I wasn't about to pretend I hadn't heard what Lotor had been saying. I even went so far as to try to end the arrangement between the King and I, for all the good that attempt did me. My arms are bruised where Lotor had grabbed me, hurting me physically in addition to my other torments. I remember his words, his refusal to end things between us. Dread is within me, for I know now he will never, ever let me go. I know it for the truth it is, but I am unable to accept this. Springing into action, I snatch a shirt out of his closet. I don't want to wear anything of his, but Lotor's left me no choice. He tore apart the clothes I had worn when brought to him, and no other replacements had been delivered in the meantime.

I haven't been granted permission to leave, but I'll be damned if I remain here. Damned if I stay and wait for Lotor to visit more indignities and sexual depravities upon me. My hands are shaking badly. It's all I can do to button up the silk shirt. I don't attempt to try and fit into a pair of Lotor's pants. The shirt is long enough to fall down to my knees. It's not an ideal covering. Everyone will know where I have come from, and what I have been doing. It doesn't matter. Nothing does but getting away.

There are guards outside the room, but no one tries to stop me from leaving the King's chambers. I am surprised, but not by much. Lotor surely thinks there is nowhere I can go to escape him, but I intend to prove him wrong. I ignore the leering eyes of the guards, the knowing smirks they give me as they look at my disheveled state. I want to run, but I force myself to remain walking at a normal pace. Force myself not to give away any sign that I am plotting. I know I have only a limited time frame to act, that I have to get away before Lotor returns. Before he thinks to limit my actions.

It is a relief when I reach the corridor where the guest apartments are housed. But I do not relax, not even once I am inside the rooms that is mine. My ladies come out to greet me, roused from their sleep by the way I purposefully slam the door close. They are tired, but gaining awareness as they look at me, clad only in a shirt with my hair wild and tangled. I am sure they think they will have to comfort and console me once more, the women not yet alerted to the grim determination in my eyes.

"Your highness..." None of them have yet grown accustomed to the fact I am no longer a Queen. I don't bother to correct them, my energy and words spent on better things.

"Get dressed." I say, already heading towards the room that serves as my bedroom. "We are leaving."

That sets off a flurry of emotions, my ladies curious, excited, even alarmed. One dares to be hopeful, perhaps thinking Lotor is done with me. I don't dash those hopes, speaking urgently. "There's little time to explain. My arrangement with the King is at an end. Pack what you can carry, and be ready to leave in ten minutes time."

These women are not the trained pilots that the Voltron Force had been, unable to hold back their curiosity and questions. I ignore them, rushing into the bedroom, into the bathroom. Throwing off Lotor's shirt, to take the quickest shower I have ever had. It's not nearly long enough or hot enough to wash off the imagined filth of his touch, but it will have to do.

I don't allow myself to break down. I know it's coming though, that the tears wont be denied for much longer. I'm not even sure what I am doing, except moving to escape Lotor. But even if I get off Doom, what do I hope to accomplish? No one else will stand up to the Empire. No one else will give me shelter. I strongly doubted the fighting nobles of Arus would be willing to unite long enough to stave off Doom's enslavement. If anything, they'd either kill me, or turn me back over to Lotor in the hopes they could cut some deal with him. But Lotor's deals almost always backfired on those he dealt with. I now knew that from experience.

I've been burned by that experience, and the knowledge most likely came too late to save me or Arus. But still I had to try. I couldn't just curl into a ball of misery. Not yet. Not without making a real go at doing something, anything to thwart Lotor. Even if that something was only taking away his favorite bed slave. I then cringed at that thought, but knew that was an accurate word for what he has made me. For all the pretty gowns and jewels he had bestowed on me, I was nothing but a possession. His property. I wasn't a person to him at all, my thoughts and feelings didn't matter. They never had.

I'm still fired with determination, moving through the bedroom. True to Lotor's word, my clothes from Arus had all been disposed of, leaving behind only the obscenely expensive wardrobe he had purchase for me in it's place. I don't want to wear any of those outfits, but can't get away with wearing just a shirt for much longer.

Choosing the least outlandish of the outfits, I dress quickly. Two of my ladies enter the room, immediately going to the closet. I am shocked to see them grabbing at the gowns, and the words fly out of my mouth.

"What are you doing? Leave those!"

"But your highness..." An uncertain look from one. She seems to be pleading for help from her companion.

"But nothing!" I snap. "We don't have time to take a wardrobe of this size with us." I don't soften my tone, even at the stricken look of my maids. "Besides...these don't belong to me. Not truly..."

The ruby red dress with the diamonds sewn into it's bodice is in the maid's hand as she approaches me. "His highness, the King, gave these to you. You don't have to wear it, but think of the good one of these dresses could do. If we sell it..."

She didn't have to finish that sentence, my eyes closing in acknowledgement. "One dress alone could feed a village of people for a month or two..."

They didn't know the real reason behind our leaving. Didn't know about Lotor's plans to enslave Arus. The money the dresses could get us wouldn't solve Arus problems, would only be a bandage over a wound that needed stitches. But a part of me liked the thought of the slap in the face it would be for Lotor to find me gone, and with many of the gowns he had bought for me.

"All right." I sigh. "Bring them. But only as many as you can reasonably carry in your bags."

"Yes, your highness!" They are already scurrying out of the bedroom, their voices muffled as they relay the news to the other maids. More will enter the room, choosing the more expensive looking of the clothing. I join them, carrying some of the jewels that Lotor had supplied to go along with my wardrobe. They are not just another theft, another way to hurt Lotor. I will need whatever money I can obtain from the sale of these items. Not just to buy food and medicine for the people of Arus, but perhaps to fund an army. The very idea of using Lotor's money to pay for a resistance against him could almost make me laugh, if not for the serious nature of what was to happen. I didn't for one minute believe a group of mercenaries could stand up to the might of the Empire, but I knew I couldn't just sit back and do nothing.

I've never been one to be idle. Even as I made one bad choice after another, I had struggled to keep Arus going. To keep the people alive to see another day. I hadn't always done the thing Arus needed most, but then I hadn't always been sure what that something had been. I was positive now that Arus' salvation did not lie with the Drule. That Lotor had never been the answer we needed. My cheeks filled with a burning warmth, a flush of angry humiliation in me as I thought of how far I had degraded myself in wasting time with Lotor these last few days. I felt such a fool, used and manipulated, deluded and lied to. I tried not to think about the despair I had been going through, the suffering I had endured except to use it to continue to fuel my anger.

That anger leaves my tone curt as I snap at my ladies to hurry up. The women don't seem to understand the urgency I feel, actually pausing to debate over which of the dresses to bring. A part of me can understand their dilemma. The more expensive the dress, the better it serves us in the amount of credits it's sale will grant us. But there truly is no time to determine the difference in quality between dresses. I ignore their startled looks and protests, picking up two of the stuffed duffle bags. My servants are still trying to figure out what to do as I move to leave the room. It is only at the last second that the women hurry after me, at least one lugging a bag far heavier than she can manage easily. I do not slow my pace, do not respond to the questions the women have for me.

They don't know anything of what's going on, and for that I almost feel a twinge of guilt. But they are not soldiers, not trained to deal with a crisis such as Arus now faces. If they knew the truth, they would become frightened, foolish. They'd cause us all delays, and the last thing either one of us need is to waste precious minutes trying to calm someone's fears.

My ladies are cautious, but excited to be leaving Doom. They actually chatter as we walk through the castle corridors, giving off the airs of ones who have little care in the world. I feel bad, but it grants us the illusion that nothing is wrong. The Drules we pass, barely give us a second glance, and that includes the guards. They don't know we have no true rights, that we cannot come and go from the castle as we please.

I keep my head raised proudly, leading my ladies to the castle's inside hangar. I am not entirely sure of the direction, but haste prevents me from stopping even to ask directions. Every Drule we pass is cause for me to tense up. I am fearing that at any moment we will be stopped. I wouldn't even be able to breathe if not for the anger that drives me now. Nor can I feel excitement when I hear the faint strains of an engine's roar. Still I can't fight the barest strain of optimism whispering to me that we were going to make it.

And then I turn a corridor, and practically walk into King Lotor. I am sure the color leaves my face, my one chance to get away lost as we stare at each other. Lotor's eyes narrow in on the bags I am carrying, and my hands clench tighter on the straps. I lift my head, as defiant now as I had been ten years ago. My gasping servants come to a halt behind me, and I can practically feel the worry they are experiencing.

"You were going to leave me." It is a statement Lotor voices, the Drule calm and cold as he speaks. There is no use in even trying to deny it, not when I am caught red handed.

"I told you." My own voice is just as cold, not betraying the shaking my insides are doing. "Our arrangement is at an end."

"And I told you that is something you do not get to decide."

I struggle to keep my anger from exploding, my eyes surely aflame with challenge. "It's over, your highness." I feel tempted to take a swing at him, to smash one of the bags I carry into that handsome, arrogant face. But violence won't get me off Doom any quicker. "Do not make a fool of me, or yourself in trying to pretend otherwise."

The anger spikes immediately in his expression in response. One of my ladies, dares to speak, her tone nervous and tight with the tension we all feel. "Your highness...just what is going on?" She is ignored by Lotor and me both, the two of us continuing to glare at each other.

"It is you that is the fool, Allura." Lotor says. "Thinking you could run from me."

My expression is bitter then. "My true fault was believing you could save Arus in the first place. No..." I hiss out a correction. "Thinking you would WANT to save Arus at all."

"You know I don't give a damn about Arus." It's all the confirmation I need, and still it hurts to hear. "I haven't for years."

"This was all a game to you then."

A cruel twist of his lips, Lotor holding my gaze. "Never that. I took my arrangement with you very seriously."

"So seriously." I scoff. "If you truly did, you would have looked for any way to save Arus and the people of that planet without resorting to enslaving them!" My servants all gasp in horror, and a nervous chatter starts up, one of the women sounding close to tears. A snarl and a murderous look from Lotor quickly draws the hysterics to an end before they can truly start.

"You think you know everything." His lip is curling, Lotor sneering at me.

"I know what I heard." I insist.

"Yes, a conversation in a language you don't understand save for a word or two." His tone and expression is mocking, my knuckles going white from how hard I grip the bags' straps.

"I know enough." That makes him scowl, his voice all but roaring out of him.

"YOU KNOW NOTHING!"

One of the maids lets out a frightened whimper. I am amazed the lot of them don't scatter from fear. I say nothing. just lift a eyebrow in challenge.

"You picked out one word in a conversation that held many." Lotor continues. "Yes, both Wensen and I used the word slave when talking about Arus and it's people. Yes, Wensen was advising me to solve the problems of your planet by enslaving the people. But I hadn't decided on any such thing."

I wasn't ready to believe. "You considered it though."

"I won't deny that." Lotor admitted. "There's always a chance that things are too bleak for Arus. But Allura, I assure you I will endeavor to explore all options before that comes to pass."

"That is not good enough!" I snap at him. "My people deserve better..."

"They could have had better if you had been more considering of the options I gave you ten years ago." Lotor retorts. "If you had agreed to marry me..."

"After all you and your father, and your people had done to my planet?" I demand with a scoff.

"No worse than what you did to it yourself." Lotor snaps. The bags hit the floor with a loud thump, my right hand already flying to slap Lotor's cheek. It never connects, the King grabbing hold of me by my wrist. I all but lose it then, snarling, screaming as I use my left hand to beat my fist against his chest.

"I never had a chance!" I'm shouting, struggling. The ladies from Arus are appalled, standing frozen as they watch my attempts to hurt Lotor. They are not the only ones. There are Drules in the hall, ones that pause to watch the scene I am making, with great interest. "You and your father saw to that! You Drules left me with a ruined world! It's been all I can do to keep the planet going, to keep the people alive!"

I scream louder when Lotor secures a grip on my left wrist, my legs kicking out in an attempt to hurt him. His expression is angry now, Lotor hardly tolerant of my behavior. I'm barely aware of what I am saying, hurling insults against him, making threats. Excited murmurs fill the corridor, the watching Drules not shy about what they are saying. I can't understand all of what they are saying, but their words only seem to infuriate Lotor further. I can feel trickles of blood where his nails dig into my skin, but I am deadened to the pain.

Suddenly I find myself in the air, Lotor throwing me over his shoulder. I scream a furious challenge, my hands free to pound fists on his back, to grab and pull at his hair. A hand comes down hard on my ass, Lotor slapping it in an attempt to calm me. It doesn't work. Not even the white, frightened faces of the women from Arus can get me to see reason in the moment.

"Bastard!" I scream! "Son of a bitch!" I hear the sound of something splintering, Lotor carrying me into darkness. Somewhere, in the back of my mind I register he's kicked in a door, that we're in a room now. And then I am thrown, my back hitting the unbending frame of a leather chair. My anger is such that I don't sit there stunned. I spring up, fingers curled into claw shapes, intent on raking my nails down Lotor's perfect face.

Lotor is ready for me, easily catching hold of me, and throwing me back into the chair. Again I refuse to remain sitting, flinging myself at him. I don't even get one good scratch in, before I am forced into the chair again. This time instead of trying to get up, I lash out with my legs, wild and as furious as Lotor is.

"Damn it Allura!" I hear him snarl, fabric ripping. "Control yourself, or I will do it for you!"

In response, I flail both my arms and my legs, trying desperately to strike him with anything that can reach. I hate the ease in which he avoids my flailing limbs, the Drule's eyesight such that he can see far better in the dark than I can ever hope to.

I don't stop fighting, even as he presses against me, his body cradled on either side of my kicking legs. When I go to gouge out his eyes with my fingers, I feel silk being wound around my wrists. I scream out a no, not wanting to be bound. Not wanting to be made to be further in at his mercy. More fabric is ripped, the expensive clothing I wear being torn off me. He uses the remains of it to bind me thoroughly, my hands behind my back, my legs spread and hooked over the arm rests of the chair.

Outside the darkened room, I can hear my ladies crying. They fear for me, but will not move to save me. Not that I expect them to do anything. Not when they are as much a prisoner as I am.

"You need a lesson in manners." Lotor says. I can't see very well, can only make out the shadowy shape of him.

"I hardly expect a savage like you to teach me!" I hiss in retort. The act of being bound has calmed the worst of my fury, though I still retain my anger. It's either that or cry, and I can't give him the satisfaction of my tears.

"You're acting no better than the savage you claim me to be." Lotor growls. "And all because of a little misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding? Your ambitions and lust ruined me and my world! You and your Drules helped to steal the future of MY people!"

"I was ready to give you back that future!" He snaps. "I was ready to make amends for what the Drules had done..."

"If you truly wanted to right the wrongs of Doom's past, then you would never have demanded such a price! You would have..."

"I would have what?" Lotor demands. "Helped Arus out of the goodness of my heart?"

"YES!" A mocking laughter follows my exclamation. I almost deflate then, my head starting to lower. "I should have known. There's never been any goodness in you...you never even had a heart to begin with."

"Oh I had a heart." He assures me. "But you saw to the destroying of it."

"Me?"

"I LOVED you, Allura." He told me. "I loved you with every fiber of my being. I would have..." I had started laughing then, the sound full of disbelief and mockery. I heard Lotor snarl, fingers sinking into my hair.

"You're incapable of love." I managed to say, wincing as he pulled on my hair. "You've always been! You don't treat someone you love the way you have treated me. Not just now, but back then too!"

"I worshipped you, Allura!"

"You stalked me!" I snap back. 

"I was trying to get your attention." He says, ignoring the rude noise I make. "You were a difficult woman to court."

"To court?" I snort in response. "Is THAT what you were doing?"

"I was kind to you." He insists. "I treated you with the respect I thought you deserved. I did nothing to harm you."

"You kidnapped and terrorized me on several occasions!" I shout. "You made me watch as my own people were whipped, tortured. You gave me terrible choices, forcing me to decide which evil I could stomach more!"

"My methods may have been extreme..." He acknowledge. "But I was trying to get you to recognize that I loved you."

"Love?" The disgust was evident in my voice, my lips curling.

"I could have done a lot worse." He says, his voice dropping to a low mutter. "In a way, you did me a favor, Allura."

"Oh?" I was still sneering.

"You helped vanquish the love sick fool I had once been." He grumbles then. "I was practically naive when in the grips of my crush. I did stupid things when I should have just taken what I wanted. But then, it's not as though you would have made a good Queen. For Arus or for my Empire."

Cheeks burning, I hiss. "I managed as best I could, given the resources available to me, and the limited education my advisors could give me." It was an education I should have received from my parent's own hands, the former King and Queen being the best equipped to groom their daughter into a capable ruler. Their murders hadn't just robbed me of my parents, but of the knowledge I had needed to rule.

"I'm not interested in your excuses." Lotor retorts in a bored tone. "I am just relieved, thankful you turned me down. It saved me the disaster of having you as my queen."

"Disaster?" I sputter, glaring at the shadowy figure that is Lotor.

"You're not very diplomatic, or smart. And you were never a very good soldier. You make one bad choice after another, and while you may not be solely responsible for Arus' current state, you did nothing to stave off it's decline." I can't make out his face, but I can hear the grim amusement in his voice. "In fact aside from your beauty, I cannot think of one other thing you've got going for you. You really aren't fit for anything other than the use I have for you." An actual chuckle then. "And sex alone does not a good Queen make."

"Go to Hell!" I snarl, and actually spit in the direction of his face. He makes an angry sound, and then I feel his hand rubbing across my scalp. The bastard was using it to wipe the spit off, and that only angered me further. "I hate you!" I growl, and turn my head quickly, snapping my teeth at the offending hand.

He pulls back too quickly for me to land the bite, but Lotor is angry all the same. "This feeling is mutual."

I'm not as surprised as I should be, but then he hadn't treated me with the kind of care a person you loved and respected, or even just liked a little, deserved. He had used me, disregarded me feelings, and treated me as no more than receptacle for his lusts.

"I despise you." Lotor was saying. "I hate you for what you did, for what you took from me, for the dreams you destroyed."

"You mean the delusions!" I correct snidely. His hand was on my cheek, fingers actually moving in a caressing motion. That gentle touch made my skin crawl, my head moving to shake off his hand. His fingers slide into my hair once more, Lotor stilling my head's movements.

"Delusion is as apt a word as anything else." He agreed, Lotor leaning in to graze his lips over my cheek. It was too close to a kiss for me to be anything but calm, my body starting to tremble. "On one hand, I was spared having you for a wife."

"And the other?" I was anxious now, wondering what he would say, what he would do.

His lips grazed downwards, Lotor finding the pulse point of my neck. Instead of answering with words, he bit down, causing my body to jerk against the restraints. Lotor made a sound, a purr of satisfaction as he got the briefest taste of my blood on his fangs. Even before his fingers slid over my groin, cupping then spreading my sex open, I knew what he intended to do.

"No." I began to thrash about, not wanting him to touch me, to use me in that manner. But the restraints held, my body tied and spread for display. His fingers easily slipped inside me, searching, probing. But I wasn't in anyway aroused, feeling sick and hating him. Hating that he would use me this way, and that I was helpless to stop him.

"Do...don't." I hated the begging tone in my voice, the way my breath hitched in panic. I wasn't fearing him in the moment, but the traitorous reactions he could pull from me. It was wrong to feel any kind of pleasure from acts performed by a man you hated. A man you despised and wanted dead. But more than that, I didn't want to enjoy this, didn't want to ever again be used by him. My body had been the coin in which I had purchased help for Arus, but the help Lotor wanted to give was not what I had anticipated or wanted.

He continued to feast at my pulse point, licking and sucking at the pin prick sized punctures he had made. Save for the initial bite, the actual blood drinking didn't hurt. In fact it almost felt good, the suction making my eyelids grow heavy.

His fingers crooked inside me, the tips rubbing over my passage's wall. I shifted as best I could, making a sound that was half distress and half a concession. His tongue was in my ear, Lotor having abandoned my neck to lick elsewhere.

"Stop it." I hiss.

"Arus still needs me."

"We don't WANT your help." I retort.

"You have it all the same." He answers, his voice a husky whisper in my ear. I shiver, his fingers still rubbing, still twisting and teasing inside me. "And all that is required for it, is for you to lie back and take all that I have for you."

"I won't..." But there was nothing I could do in the moment, a fact we both knew.

"You will. Anytime and anywhere, whenever I want you."

"I'll fight you!" I didn't sound as brave or as determined as I could be, not with that quiver in my voice. It was arousal coming out, a moan I was fighting not to voice. For all my hate and disgust, what his fingers were doing DID feel good.

"I'll enjoy your resistance as much as your earlier submission." Lotor retorts.

"Damn you!" I shriek. "I hate you!" My voice raises in a scream, and I repeat myself over and over, building myself up to a hysterical note. "Hate you, hate you, hate you!"

And then his wet fingers are in my mouth, shoved inside mid scream. I taste the juice of my arousal, the proof of my body's betrayal. I scream wordlessly around the fingers, and then bite down as hard as I can manage. Lotor grunts, but doesn't try to remove his fingers, letting me scream on. I can hear voices from the hall, my ladies from Arus panicking at my cries. I can't reassure them, and I can't stop screaming, hearing the rustle of fabric.

The hot, hard feel of him throbs between my legs. The tears I shed are angry, but I am ashamed by them all the same. By my tears and my body's eager reaction in welcoming Lotor inside me. My scream dies down in a strangle, a moan escaping me in it's place. I can only be grateful for the darkness, for I can't see Lotor's expression, can't see his triumphant smirk. All I can do is feel, the thrusting shaft inside me, the smug satisfaction oozing off of Lotor.

I alternate between screaming and moaning, forgetting to bite down. Lotor keeps his fingers in my mouth the entire time, the King not wanting to hear my pleas, or listen to the curses and threats I have for him. He's barely talking himself, save for a few low muted words in Drule. The rest of the time he just grunts, or lets out overly exaggerated moans that are steeped in pleasure.

Bad enough he uses me this way, hateful sensations are being built within me. The pleasure that I feel is so at war with my anger and disgust, a climax being built closer and closer to erupting inside me. I scream all the more, tears flowing faster, fearing my orgasm. It's more humiliating when I don't get it, Lotor releasing inside me with a drawn out scream of his own.

The liquid heat filling me startles me, but can't compare to the unexpected disappointment, the neediness I feel to have not come when I was so close to a climax. I weep for real now, my crying bitter, sad. He's ruined me, my body and mind having gotten so used to the pleasure he forces on me that I feel upset at having been denied.

I don't understand how twisted up inside he makes me. Nor do I like how desire and hate have been tangled together at his hands. I'm more determined than ever to get away, to stop him. To save myself if not Arus. But I can't stop crying, my voice sounding hoarse from all the screaming I had done. I can barely make out Lotor talking, the King telling my ladies to come in and attend to me. It will be some time before any of them have the courage to enter the darkened room, the women frightened of what Lotor has left behind. 

Long chapter is long...:O

Ah...for the most part I like how this chapter came out. Though for a while it didn't feel like I could get the sex in...lot of stuff happened that I needed to happen for something I am setting up. It won't be apparent right away...and I don't want to spoil it. It will take a few chapters before the fall out happens of what I've been working to set up. Course I might need a break from this fic before I write anymore. But I feel like I keep saying every chapter I will take a break to work on one of my other fics, but then I somehow get another chapter for THIS fic written.

I don't know if I ever stated it, but I never saw Cost of Regret as being a happy fic. Even when it was just supposed to be about writing a sex scene. Right now I have two endings in mind, but I worry. I get the feeling at least one would disappoint people...*doesn't want another Harem Slave outcry.*

Next chapter is supposed to be an Allura chapter too...I know what I want to happen at the end, but figuring out how to advance it to that point is proving a wee bit difficult. ^^;;

To Be Continued...

Michelle

Luna de Papel, hello! Thanks for giving my story a try! :) Ah...this might get me lynched, but I personally don't think you're missing too much if you've never seen Voltron. It's kinda corny...especially the good guy scenes. Don't get me wrong, I love the characters and stuff, but I think I like the potential there was more than what was actually done in the show. (Oddly enough from what I've watched of my Go lion episodes, the original Japanese version seems so much better even if Lotor/Sincline is much more evil and mean. XD) I think that's why I like fanfic so much. Get to explore either through reading or writing, the potential the series had, see it be realized in a person's creative endeavors!

Oh my, an awesome piece of fan art? Now I wanna see! But...but this site doesn't like letting people post links. *pouts* Ah Allura...yes She's gotten the fight back in her and I am hoping she is able to keep it. Before it was a matter of, well she thought if she gave any kind of resistance, didn't do exactly what he wanted, he'd up and leave Arus to suffer without his help. Now of course, she is pretty confidant the only help he will give Arus is to enslave the people there...so she has gotten PISSED. Sadly, I know he could do worse to her, but to avoid offending my own sensibilities, I kinda hold him back. It makes it hard sometimes, cause I'll be like "I know Lotor should do this but it's not something I want to write or read about him doing to her." *feels like a chicken now*

I'm seeing two possible endings for this story...I don't want to disappoint anyone, but...okay...I do write non con scenarios, but I have this hang up where it's hard for me to actually make the one forced fall in love with the one who forced him/her. So I think people get mad at me for the love route not happening. Well I could see him deciding he love her, or existing with a love hate thing forever for her. But I can't see her loving him back in this story. Of the two endings I see, the one I am leaning towards, well to make it believable, someone needs to do some more maturing first. I really want that ending even if I worry I can't get said character to be at that point. X_X

Yes, he's pretty damaged. Maybe my most damaged Lotor yet. (Though Harem Slave...(Which was my third adult Voltron story, and my second to finish...but I dream about trying to tweak or rewrite it cause some of it really makes me cringe now in embarrassment.* But then I remember it's 131 chapters, and I die at the thought of trying to rewrite...X_X) Though Harem Slave Lotor comes close to being as bad off as Cost Lotor does!) I like exploring the different types of Lotors there can be. Heck, after Harem Slave, I really needed a break from an evil, raping, murdering Lotor...so wrote this one called Divine Misunderstandings, an AU where he was completely a good guy. A VERY good guy. I was just THAT burnt out.

Anyway, I want to say thank you, and also thanks for letting me chat your ear off with my review reply! *feels hyper today*

DimerasLover, he totally is used to that! It has to be some huge slap in the face to have a woman who won't act exactly like he demands. Sure Allura did it at first, but now she's gotten good and angry. So her days of being his submissive sex doll are over with! Course he doesn't completely mind the fighting Allura either. *face palms.* Well...they sorta got to...talk. It was a lot of yelling and fighting, so it wasn't a healthy way to get anything out in the open. I don't know if they will have a true heart to heart talk soon. I know how I want 16 to end, but then for the ensuing chapter, well...I have a decision to make. It has to do with what's going on with Arus. I was going to have Lotor tell her stuff, the solutions he's gonna try...but then I realized it messes up something I have been setting up for...so it might be best to have him be this jack ass who never really talks with her until the thing I've been foreshadowing happens...*have to ponder this some more*

I also keep thinking I want to work on something light hearted after this, but then a new chapter demands to be written for Cost. ;p Yes, extreme culture clashes especially in this fic. But I don't know if they truly are compatible for all the fact Allura responds to him sexually. For what little I got of 16 written, she's thinking she must be some kind of masochist. I'm up to 6 KB for my file size...now I'm stuck on thinking up the perfect line to continue a paragraph. *cries*

I like your idea where they have a week to scream and yell and get it all off their chest. I don't think it could happen in this one, but maybe For Better Or For Worse it could! I need to get back to that one, but while not quite as angsty at this one, it still kinda in an angsty section of their relationship, and I want to write something more fun and whimsical...digs through my idea list* Cost of Regret can be emotionally draining for me to write, having to focus all the time on such negative emotions. X_X Thanks for sticking with the fic my dear! :D


	16. Chapter 16

Days later I am still angry, still full of hate, still letting my rage fuel me. It's either that or give in to despair, and I refuse to do nothing but sit back and cry. My black mood unsettles my ladies. They've never known me to get this angry, to be so curt, so snappish. I don't mean to take my temper out on them, but the emotions churning inside me need a release. It's all I can do to keep from screaming all the time, my body wound up tight with my tension. I can barely sleep, and when I do, it's a rest stemming from sheer exhaustion.

My days are my own, usually. I'm left to stew at my seemingly helplessness, to let fester all the negativity inside me. I don't always possess the clarity to think things through, to scheme some new way to thwart and get away from Lotor. I've heard nothing new where Arus is concerned, save for the whispers that echo through the castle that insist that soon the Empire will have a new world of slaves to use and abuse.

Lotor, tightlipped under normal circumstances, tells me little even when I prod and demand answers. He will neither satisfy my need for answers, nor taunt me with knowledge of his plans. Perhaps he thinks it's worse for me to imagine what he will do to Arus, and if so, he is all too right. My mind is far too creative, coming up with one torment after another. Imagining the slaves the Arusians will become, the people raped, tortured, beaten and debased for the Drule's amusement. Forced to work long hours with no pay, given only enough food and drink to keep them strong enough to do hard labor.

Worse yet, a part of me hisses about how even as slaves, it would be more food than many of those on Arus, have known in recent years. For all the cruelties the Drules are capable of, they do value their slaves. As possessions, as investments. They know how to care for them enough to keep them from breaking completely, stringing out their tormented lives to get the maximum output out of their property.

The Drules probably didn't see humans as anything more than creatures to be controlled. To be used and abused, to grow rich off of, and pleasured by. If Lotor had his way, my people would never again be free to make their own decisions. Never again free to truly live, to laugh, to love. They would know nothing but misery, and for many it would be worse than the misery life on Arus has become.

I was already hated by a noteworthy percentage of people on Arus. Even more would be after my head, if Lotor's plans came to pass. Perhaps even just the notion of what he intended, would be enough to tip over the scales of hatred. I knew to some, to the nobles who were desperate for my crown, they would use the fact that I had handed over Arus to a man who would enslave us all to further their own agendas. Even the knowledge of what might await me if I should return to Arus, wouldn't stop me from trying to escape. From trying to right the wrong I had set into motion.

So far I had yet to even think of a plan that would guarantee success in my endeavors. Though I racked my brain every waking hour of every day, I couldn't figure out a way to get off of Doom, let alone stop Lotor. From his plans for Arus, to his lusts for my body. Each night, he forced me to his bed. Each night I fought him, screaming. Kicking and biting, snarling and slapping. He easily overpowered me time and time again, even without the restraints. My resistance was nothing to him. Lotor barely worked up a sweat in pinning me to whatever surface was available, be it the bed, the floor, or a piece of furniture.

I truly hated him. For everything, and for the fact that my body responded to his rough treatment. I despised how easily he was capable of arousing my body, of getting a reaction from within me. It took him little to no effort to get the pleasure building within me, the climax drawing closer, ever closer. I thought him depraved, but I found my own response made me just as sick. I was some kind of masochist, getting off on how he treated me, when in the past, the lovers that had tried to show me care with gentle touches, hadn't come close to comparing to Lotor.

It is quite strange, the surreal feel of climaxing at the hands of a man you hate. To feel such pleasure, such bliss roll throughout your entire body, even as you struggle with an anger that is almost all consuming. Warring feelings, contradicting each other and me. Yet I feel no relief when he denies me the chance to come. As much as Lotor enjoys watching the helpless way I writhe in a stupor of anger and ecstasy, he's started to deny me more and more. It's just another twisted game of his, some new way to hurt me.

Or perhaps it's just another tactic to break me. To make me beg, to fill me with shame for wanting the climax he keeps from me. I refuse to fall that low, to even ask let alone beg for him to make me come. But the years spent as a frigid woman hardly prepare me for such denial after having learned what the pinnacle of pleasure is where sex is concerned. I just hate even more, wishing he had never shown me this, wishing he would stop playing games, wishing he would stop forcing me into his bed.

It's not the only place Lotor forces me. I have to spend the evenings attending court, to be stared at and scrutinized by the Drule nobility. For all that I am not welcome among these people, for the fact that my renewed presence in Lotor's life makes them nervous, the Drules cannot help but be interested in me. I am a source of amusement to them, the tidbits of information they can glean about my dealings with Lotor talked about repeatedly. The Drules enjoy my suffering, relish how I'm humiliated time and time again. It is that humiliation that leads them to converse in basic, to allow me to purposefully hear the speculation and gossip about me. They want to see me turn red in embarrassment, to taste my humiliation on their tongues. They hope to drive me to tears, to strip away any pride I have left.

It is a game we play, unwilling participant that I am. I call upon reserves of strength I had never realized existed within me, trying to steel my heart and guard my reactions. I make myself ice, my expression unfeeling, my stare as empty as I can make it. I keep my head up, my back straight. Royal no more, I still retain the proud, downright haughty attitude that is afforded one of my former status. It is an unspoken challenge to the Drules, an invitation for them to do their worse.

I have been talked about, sneered at, looked down on. I've been insulted to my face, had people laugh about what I fool I am. Not once has anyone shown me any pity, none of these Drules capable of emphasizing with a slave. I've had women be jealous of the position I hold in Lotor's bed, have had the men lust after me and wonder what sort of fuck I am capable of. I've been ridiculed, and slandered, and none of this prepares me for HER.

Her voice comes from behind me, that low, sultry tone that is all to familiar even after going years without hearing it. I can't help but stiffen, unease prickling the back of my neck. The Drules before me notice my reaction, leering grins in response. I don't want to turn and see her, do not want to be acknowledge by one such as she. And yet there is no stopping it, her now amused voice speaking directly to me.

"Well, well. How the proud has finally fallen." 

I hold back a wince, slowly pivoting towards her. Merla, a longtime queen of one of the many Drule worlds in the Doom Empire stands just inches from me. Her gold eyes seem to glitter and gleam, her purple painted lips twisted into a satisfied smile that mocks me even now.

"But then..." She gives me a considering look, her purring voice pausing long enough to build anticipation in us for her next words. "Considering the state of affairs on Arus, Lotor's personal fuck toy might just be a step up for you."

Somehow I manage to keep the angry flush at bay, but barely. My hands itch, wanting to make fists, wanting to pummel them against that exotic beauty's face. The urge to hit her becomes stronger as she insolently looks me over, gaze lingering on the bruises on my bared hips. They're marks of how hard Lotor had gripped me, they and other similar marks revealed by the skin baring dress I wear. I don't even feel embarrassed to show so much skin, not when so many of the Drule females are garbed in a similar fashion. Even Merla shows off her body in a backless gown of midnight, her breasts barely contained via the plunging neckline of it.

Blue nails reach to caress over a bite mark in the crook of my left shoulder. Not wanting Merla to touch me, I am forced to react, to step back out of her reach. She smiles a victory at me, and inside I seethe over it.

"I see he's being his usual, brutish self." Merla adds, seeming to approve. And why shouldn't she? Merla is just like all the other Drules, fearing Lotor will allow me, will allow his one time delusion of being in love with me, to affect his decisions and his Empire. To see me standing here, bruised and battered, must be a great comfort to the Queen.

"I wonder how long it will be, before he grows tired of his newest toy." continues Merla in a musing tone. I all but bite my lip, knowing it can't be soon enough for me, but fearing he will never stop using me. "Of course he has over ten years of tension to take out on you..." It's almost a pitying look the Queen gives me, and my temper snaps.

"Merla, why are you even here?" I demand.

"That's QUEEN Merla to you." She corrects me almost absentmindedly. "As to why I've come, I'm concerned about Lotor."

"We all are." A man's voice adds, and I glance towards the new arrival. A Drule almost as tall as Lotor, with white waves for hair stands near. His eyes are just as insolent as Merla's, the Drule examining me like I am an interesting insect he hopes to crush.

"Hazar, darling." Merla purrs, running a hand up his muscled arm. "I've been wondering when you'd show."

"Hazar?" I don't know this man, but I know his reputation. A King of a world on the outer edges of the Denubian Galaxy, wise but fierce, he had killed many and enslaved even more. He had been a one time contender to challenge Lotor for the throne of the Drule Empire, but his skill with the sword had proven just enough to not be a match for Lotor's own fighting prowess.

Hazar should have been dead for his daring. Instead Lotor had rewarded the man with a planet of his own, albeit a world so far removed from the heart of the Empire, that Hazar had little chance to cause more trouble for the crown.

It was shocking to see him here, but then I supposed even Hazar wasn't immune to the worry my presence was causing the Drules. I would make no attempts to reassure him, to reassure any of them, even as I knew I was powerless. Unable to affect the Empire, unable to save Arus. Even unable to help myself.

"So this is her." Hazar spoke, looking down his nose at me. "This is Allura." His tone very much implied he didn't think much of me.

"Unbelievable, is it not?" Merla asked him. "To think this child has driven our King to distraction for so many years?"

"I was not much more than a child myself when I pursued Allura." Came Lotor's voice, the King joining us. Another man follows in his wake, and I thought this other Drule might be some sort of commander in the military, judging by the medals he proudly wears pinned to his jacket. "Fortunately I have since grown, losing much of my foolish crush."

"Much, but not all?" Hazar questioned sharply.

"Calm yourself Hazar." Lotor told him. "I do not have those kind of feelings for her anymore."

"Then why is she here?" demanded Merla. "Why even invite her back into our lives?"

"Because I never let an insult pass." Lotor instantly retorted. Understanding was in the other Drules' eyes, though the three still seemed uneasy. "Besides, I've always wanted the chance to fuck her." The men laughed, the looks they give me lusty, appreciative. Merla says nothing, though she pursed her lips together in annoyance.

"Can't say I wouldn't pass up on the chance to fuck her either!" The Drule with the medals exclaims. Merla and Hazar exchanged sly looks, alarm bells going off in my head. But I wouldn't find out until after dinner, just what that look meant. For me and for Lotor.

For now I am forced to maintain my look of indifferent boredom, to curb and stop the heated reactions that burn to come out in response to the Drules' crude words. They continue to talk about me, rather than to me, and even Merla's eyes rove over me as though I am a choice cut of meat she wants to eat. The uneasy feeling hasn't left me. I can practically see the wheels turning in Merla's head. She's plotting something, some scheme that Hazar is a part of. I cannot fathom what it is, cannot imagine how much worse these two can make things for me.

Merla, Hazar, and the medal decorated Drule aren't the only new faces at dinner tonight. There's at least three dozen, men and women representing the concerns of every sector of the Drule Empire's reach. Not all of them deign to speak in a language I can understand, leaving me to suffer with my curiosity as they speak and laugh over our meal. Many looks are cast my way, bold, pointed ones, and ones of relief to see I am placed not at Lotor's side, but shoved off to some dark corner with other undesirables that have fallen out of the King's favor.

My unease leaves me to pick at my meal, and what little I do eat taste like dirt. I listen to the strong sound of confidant voices, the Drules always quick to quiet down whenever Lotor has something to say. Whatever he tells them eases much of the tension from the room, the Drules nodding, even smiling. They are looking towards me less and less, as though not even my continued presence in the dining room can take away the reassurances they have been given.

I am dying to know what is being said, just what is going on. It's no mere coincidence so many important figures have come to Doom. But those who share my corner, are loathe to actually speak to me, their looks hostile or disinterested. I might as well be alone, for all that I am surrounded by people. I doubt even Lotor will tell me what is going on, for the King has never been one to talk much to me. Not when he prefers to spend our time together rutting like animals. I hold in my sigh, positive that tonight will be no different. Lotor will eat and drink his fill, say a few more reassuring words to the gathered throng of important figures, then drag me off to his bedroom. Perhaps we won't even make it to the bedroom before Lotor begins pawing at me.

Such thoughts distract as well as depress me, my indifferent facade slipping. I reach quickly for a glass, practically downing the contents in one gulp. Hoping to deaden myself to feelings, or at least slip into a drunken haze that could somehow make this night more tolerable. I don't fear the humiliation the wine could deliver me into, or truly note the danger that stalks me. I am too mired in pain and misery to even care that Merla is so obviously plotting something.

Gulping down the contents of a third glass whose wine burns my throat, I sit and seethe in misery. Wanting and wondering when the night will end, and knowing I have hours yet before Lotor will let me sneak in even a little bit of sleep between fulfilling his debauched desires. I end up sighing out loud, that heavy, depressed exclamation drawing the eyes of my dinner mates to me. It's more emotion than I usually show, the Drules' eyes narrowing in interest.

I don't pay attention to signs that should warn me, fidgeting fingers over the stems of a fourth wine glass. The Drule seated to the right of me, gets up and leaves the table. A quick glance shows me that many of the Drules present have done the same, the large group mingling together to talk and laugh and wait for whatever entertainment's Lotor will provide for the night. Some will settle for molesting the slaves while they wait, men AND women grabbing hold of the humans. It upsets me, but it is nothing new. Nothing I haven't seen happen over a dozen times since arriving here on Doom. Nor do I feel concern for myself, thinking I am safe. Thinking so long as Lotor wants me, he won't dare share my body with another.

It doesn't mean the other males can't keep from admiring me, from lusting after me. But aside from those who would insult me, none dare approach me. Especially not alone! Which is why it is so startling when the chair besides me is suddenly full. I can't help but shift to sneak a look, and see the Drule who has decorated himself so proudly in medals. He smiles at me, having noticed my glance. His teeth, pearl white and glistening in the light, are sharp and deadly looking in his grin. He looks more monster than Lotor, lacking the King's handsome looks. I nearly snort then, thinking to myself no one can be as big a monster as Lotor has proven to be, looks be damned.

"I don't believe we've been formally introduced." The man says to me, bowing his head slightly. I say nothing, but meet his gaze directly. I am curious about this man, this Drule who would do more than just insult me. "I am Garrant and I hail from the Wernstein Quadrant."

"Allura of Arus." I tell him, allowing a self depreciating smirk to cross my lips. "But you already knew that I'm sure."

A nod from him. "Everyone here knows who you are." He tells me. "The former Queen of Arus, and a one time pilot of blue lion."

It hurts to be reminded, a hurt I cover by drinking from my glass. "You are being kind." I say at last. He lifts a scaly eyebrow in question. "The people here, they've called me many things, added many strongly worded descriptions to just who I am."

"Oh?"

"Foolish girl...good for only one thing. Proud queen too stupid to see past the nose on her face." A casual pause, as I reach to take a bite of my left over meal. "Tease, strumpet. Lotor's fucktoy." The last is said with a bitterness I cannot hide, my teeth gnashing apart the meaty tidbit in my mouth. This Garrant watches me, his own gaze seeming to heat up as I use my tongue to lick at my lips. "I'm sure you've heard these things too." I add, fighting not to glare out into the crowd of Drules. "They are not shy about speaking their minds about me."

"I've heard the insults." He agrees. "But I also heard talk of the sad state of things on Arus..."

"A state they would have you believe is entirely my fault." I retort with real anger. Without realizing it, I am shaking, Garrant reaching over to pat my hand. I startle at his touch, but continue hissing out words. "It was Lotor and your former King who saw to the ruin of Arus. They are the ones who set into motion the situations I was unable to recover on my own!"

He doesn't let go of my hand, Garrant instead stroking his thumb in soothing circles over the top. My other hand is free, reaching for a glass. He does the same, and we drink together.

"Is that why you came to Doom?"

"I was desperate." I announce. "I wanted the help I thought Lotor could give me, give Arus..." My shoulders sag. "I was wrong." I let out a bitter laugh. "But then...aren't I always?" I break our gaze to stare down into my half empty glass, feeling my sadness outweigh the buzz I have received from all those drinks. "Can't save Arus, can't save my people, can't even save myself..."

"King Lotor is wise." Garrant words stir a rude noise from me. "I am sure he has looked at the situation and decided what is best for that world and it's people."

"Slavery is not the answer!" I snap back. "It never is!"

"Even when a people cannot rule themselves, when they are weak and floundering?" He questions sharply. "Allura, I have read the reports. We all have. Every last one of us present here, knows the dire straits Arus and it's people face."

"It's because of the Drule." I insist, lurching upright. Garrant rises with me, never letting go of my hand. The room seems to spin from my sudden movement, and only the Drule besides me is there to steady it. I find myself in his arms, his hold adjusted to grip me firmly with the intent to never let go. For all that I've had to drink, I am not yet so dull witted as to not be alarmed by the fact he is molding his body against mine.

My face grows hot, my cheeks surely red. "You Drule think you can take whatever you want, whenever you desire!"

"Can't we?" Garrant demands, easily holding onto me as I began to struggle.

"You can't!" My voice is raising, both alarm and anger in it's tone. "We humans will never be content to just lay down and let you Drule rule over us!"

"You say that, but it happens all the time, on practically every world, in every sector. You and Arus are no different." Garrant tells me with a purr.

"You're wrong!" I shriek, drawing attention to what is happening. I am shoving my hands at his chest, trying to push free of his arms.

"Your hysterics prove nothing." Garrant informs me. "Nor can a scream spare you or your planet from whatever fate our King decides for it."

I let out a shriek, going wild in his arms. The room is spinning, I can't catch my breath, can't shake the queasy feeling churning in my stomach. I've panicked, and I don't even realizing I'm calling out for Lotor, looking for him, anticipating his wrath unleashed on this Drule who is so insolent as to manhandle me in this way.

But it is not Lotor who speaks over my screams. "Garrant, if you can't conduct your affairs in relative silence, then I suggest you take the girl and leave." It's Hazar I note, groping a silent, tear stained slave on his lap.

"A splendid idea!" grins Garrant, lifting me up off the floor with the intent to carry me out of the room. I continue beating my fists against him, hollering curses, demanding to be put down. The room seems too quiet, everyone just watching as Garrant easily carries me to the door. I'm casting my gaze around, trying to find Lotor.

"Lotor!" I gasp, when I catch sight of him next to Merla. He has risen from his seat, the Queen's hand on his chest as though she attempted to hold him back. My eyes all but beg, pleading with Lotor to come rescue me from this situation.

"Lotor, you don't mind, right?" Merla is saying, her voice loud enough to carry to me.

For one electric charged moment, my eyes lock with Lotor's, my breath being held as Garrant stops to look the King's way. He's not the only one, the entire room of Drules are now looking at their King. Waiting in near breathless anticipation for what he will do.

They seem to sigh as one being when Lotor slowly turns his back on me. I am absolutely shocked, the emotions leaking into my face. It's a look of pure betrayal that I wear, and it earns me a triumphant look from Merla. I can't even process what the Queen's look means, nor am I screaming anymore. I will not humiliate myself further to call out to a man that doesn't care, that has never truly cared for me or about me. As I am carried out the room, my stunned stupor isn't enough to keep me from wondering why it hurts so much to be abandoned so thoroughly by Lotor.

*wonders if this is the part I should say don't panic.* ^^'' Had trouble with the Garrant Allura scene, the easing into it...got me stuck for a couple of days. Hoping the next stuff doesn't give me trouble but I'm worrying. Mainly about POVS...it should be a Allura POV but I fear I won't have enough for a full sized chapter if I do an Allura POV. I have plenty of material for a Lotor POV so there's no worry there...but really, next chapter should be handled as an Allura POV...so we'll see how it goes. X_X

Also, I've never seen Vehicle Voltron, and only know Hazar from screen shots, and a friend fangirling over him. So it's up to you if this Hazar is the VV character, or some other Drule with the same name. XD

To Be Continued...

Michelle

Luna De Papel, hello again! :) Ah thanks for the feedback, some of what you said gives me stuff to think about. Maybe some angles I hadn't considered. *blushes and feels a little dumb for that.* Especially about the "Why would he want a person like how he says she is."

And yes! I did get to see that artwork. It's lovely. Did you ever see the one...I think the deviant artist name is pinku, she did a Lotor Allura (Might be titled Fala Sincline) as a gift art for my friend Botias. They're not yet making love in that one, but it's quite nice too.

I don't believe all Lotor Allura supporters feel that way. But I had an alarming number of people making such comments for that one fic. (Especially on my live journal!) My friend Botias actually got so bothered she made a entry on her live journal account (Don't remember if it was friends only though.) about how so many were acting. I vaguely recall her saying they acted like Lotor was entitled to Allura's love and body just because he started behaving, and doing nice things like get her a special dinner date. I think it was good if my writing inspired such passionate responses from the readers, but by the end of the story (Was 131 chapters and took a year and one month of my life to write. I'm hoping Cost could be wrapped up in the 30's. *knocks on wood and hopes I don't jinx myself on length.*) I was kinda exhausted from it all. I also got kinda preachy with the story, cause I was writing it one way, and people were constantly demanding, pressuring me for them to have sex again. I had thought it had been clear that now that she had been given a choice she wasn't looking to sleep with him again. So I ended up having to get preachy and really stress in the story about how hurt and upset she was by the rapes, and how she couldn't get over them to willingly have sex with him. I sometimes really want to try and rewrite it, to fix upon the stuff I feel I stunk at. But I have so many other stories I want to tell with these characters, and with my other fandoms' characters, that I don't know if it's possible or sane to try and rewrite such a long story.

I do like happy stories too...but I am partial to the darker fics. *sheepish look* Hmm...trying to think if Allura was as corny acting as some of the other characters. I start to say no, then remember her dancing around her room with her mice. She was definitely a good girl though! There was a lot that made it seem like she was just a figure head, that her Nanny and Coran were really running things. (Still mad over the whole Nanny spanking her while the Voltron Force looked on and laughed moment. *fumes*)

I always have a million ideas...one is I want one where except for her Nanny, Coran the advisor, and the Voltron Force, most of the others on the planet are actively pushing her to marry Lotor. That her people are rioting in protest that she's not taking Lotor up on his offer to end the war and protect Arus if only she would marry him. And then the nobility decides to do something about Allura's steadfast refusal. *wicked grin* But damn my idea pile keeps growing, especially for Lotor Allura fics. And I've really slowed down writing wise cause of a medical issue. Though I am trying to get back into the flow and be able to write at least half as much as I used too!

One last thing, and then I really will be quiet! XD Another reason I didn't want to go the suicide route was because I had already done it in a different fic. I don't want to reuse such a thing...like I get frustrated sometimes because it's HARD to keep coming up with different ways to resolve the Doom Arus situation. I really don't want to resort to using the same thing each time I have to try and fix the situation (For good or for bad) between those planets.


	17. Chapter 17

The shock of Lotor's betrayal leaves me reeling, my body sagging into compliance. The Drule carrying me does not complain, a spring in Garrant's steps as he carries me away from the great dining hall. Some part of me knows it is wrong, that I should be fighting, screaming with every last breath of mine. But in the moment, I am numb, my reactions not only delayed, but all together stopped.

It is Lotor's fault that I am in this state. Lotor's fault that the fight has been knocked out of me. For all the insistences I have made, claiming that he was the biggest monster in the galaxy, a hidden part of me had believed he wasn't completely unfeeling. That he cared if not about me as a person, then as the possession I was to him. I didn't think myself treasured, but I had believed he valued me enough to not allow another to lay a hand on me. I had thought his jealousy alone would protect me, that his obsessive need to posses me would keep all other Drules at bay.

I think myself stupid now. Stupid for daring to believe I was safe in this one way. I feel betrayed, by a man I hadn't realized I was depending on for protection. But I also feel betrayed by my own self, by the accidental trust I had placed on my position as Lotor's slave. I wonder then how many other women have made the same mistake, how many have been tossed aside once Lotor's interest in them waned. That thought brings more fear to me. I am wondering if Garrant will only be the first of many other men to use and abuse me. My stomach turns at that thought, the many drinks I have had settling uneasily inside me. The halls seem to spin madly about, and I shift in Garrant's arms, my eyes falling close.

I don't miss the way he tightens his grip on me in warning. Garrant will not tolerate an attempt to escape. Right now I'm not sure I could walk, let alone run unassisted and I curse my idiocy for the number of drinks I had partaken of in so short a time. It was enough to hinder my actions, but not enough to keep me from feeling. From my thoughts and my despair, to my hurt and the realization that I was about to be raped by some strange Drule. A low whimper escapes me then, frustration blooming at my helplessness. Garrant lets out a low, throaty chuckle in response, my own head lowering to slump weakly against his shoulder.

I don't think I truly fall asleep, but somehow time slips from me. A door is forced open, and then I feel the bed against my back. Garrant has thrown me down, my stomach protesting noisily at the way I bounce against the mattress. My eyes snap open just as the room floods with light, Garrant grinning down at me with those razor sharp teeth. I cannot help the tremble that starts from within, my shaking right hand raising to shield my eyes from the sudden light. That shaking seems to please the Drule, the man all but purring as he begins the process of unfastening the many snaps of his jacket.

I cannot grow any more alarmed. Not when I already know his intent. Nor can I feel grateful for the time his undressing will buy me, not when I know it is only a brief respite at best. Shaking harder, I slowly sit up, Garrant tensing as he monitors my movements. He's between me and the door, and I wonder if he's even bothered to lock it, or if he's cocky enough to think there's no chance of my escaping him.

The jacket is undone, Garrant carefully laying down his medal decorated jacket. He values those medals, those honors earned doing the Empire's foul deeds. The thin shirt under the jacket doesn't merit the same concern, the Drule all but shredding it with his claws in his haste to remove it. I'm left staring at his bare torso, seeing the many scars of a battle hardened warrior from the front lines.

"Not as pretty or as perfect as Lotor, am I?" Garrant asks, dropping the remains of his shirt on the floor. He still wears his trousers, various pouches, even a dagger's sheathe attached to it's belt. I wait for him to remove the rest, but Garrant seems intent on an answer.

"No." I finally allow, swallowing down my bile. "You don't look a thing like Lotor." It doesn't matter. They're both monsters. All the Drule are. They're creatures from the foulest nightmares man is capable of, and all the more terrifying because they are real.

He doesn't seem angry about that agreement. If anything his chest swells, a kind of cocky pride filling him. "I may not mirror him in looks, but I've other talents in common with the King."

"Oh?" A hoarse sound from my throat, it's all I can do to keep him talking. Some vain hope is inside me, thinking if I can delay this, maybe just maybe I'll get away. I might even be hoping for a rescue sent by Lotor's own hands, though it's a thought I refuse to acknowledge. Not when I'm so sure I am on my own.

Garrant's grin already huge, seems to grow bigger as he flashes his tongue. It wiggles about in an obscene manner, a mortified heat filling me. I don't want him touching me, don't want him using his tongue, or putting any part of him inside me. So upset am I, I cannot even think to insult him in the moment, just staring wide eyed at him.

"Kind of makes you weak in the knees, doesn't it?" Garrant asks, stepping towards the bed. I can't stop my frightened reaction, shifting backwards to avoid him coming any closer. He chuckles, and chides me. "We both know that you're not going to avoid me for long. Why not enjoy what I'm about to do?"

"I would never!" I exclaim, though I can't call upon my indignation to lend proper rage to my words. I'm still too scared, too busy staring at the monster drawing near.

"You enjoyed what Lotor does." Garrant says, hands reaching for me. "What's to be different about this?"

My cheeks are redder yet as I try to avoid his hands. "I don't enjoy what your King does anymore than I will enjoy this!" I snap, finding my wrists snagged by his hands.

"I find that hard to believe." Garrant laughs, pulling me against his front. "You come, don't you?"

"A betrayal by my body, nothing more!" I hiss, struggling to free my hands from his grip.

"Call it what you like." He shrugs, shifting his grip so that one hand winds fingers in my hair. I'm balancing on my knees, held at the edge of the bed by him. The angle he holds my head hurts my neck, and I glare all the more hatefully at him. "Betrayal or not, your body is smarter than your head. It knows to enjoy pleasure when it's being offered."

I snap my teeth at his lips, the Drule having tried to kiss me. He just barely managed to jerk back before I savage his lips, his own eyes narrowing with the slightest spark of anger.

"I don't have to make this good for you." He hisses, and it's all I can do not to choke on the bitter laugh lodged in my throat.

"I'd rather you wouldn't." I manage to say. then my gasp turns into a muffled shriek. His fingers had snagged hold of the top of my gown, the gold fabric anchored to my neck by a thick ebony collar. There had been no sides or back to the dress, leaving much of my body on display. But apparently what little it did cover was too much for Garrant, for with one brutal tug, he has torn the dress open. The shreds hung down past my belly, and only the fact that adhesive kept a thin belt of fabric in place, kept me from being fully naked.

My chest heaves on a panicked breath, my bared breasts quivering under his attention. Again his teeth are revealed, fangs looking deadly as he gazes down at my naked chest. I want to close my eyes in mortification, uncomfortable with a stranger staring at my breasts. When he bends towards one, his teeth ready to catch on a nipple, I can't keep the gasp from escaping me. The sound doesn't stop him, doesn't deter Garrant in the slightest. I want to lose all sense of reason, to scream and go wild, but know I cannot so long as I hold hope of getting away. I force myself to relax as much as I can, earning an interested look from Garrant as he begins rubbing his fang's tip over my nipple.

"There." He purrs a moment before his mouth moves to envelope me in it's warmth. "It's not so bad is it?"

I say nothing, just holding myself rigid, enduring his tongue's play on my nipple. I tell myself I can do this, that I can get through this bit of humiliation if it means he will let go of my wrists. Garrant is cautious, fingers still gripping my hair, while one big hand encircles both of my slender wrists. A knee of his is up on the bed, the Drule sliding it forward and between my legs. I'm forced to straddle it, though I refuse to move, to grind shamelessly on it.

I wince when Garrant begins a vigorous suckle of my breast, his sharp tip teeth seeming to prick my soft flesh. It hurts more than anything, the man practically trying to inhale my breast inside his mouth. The arching of my back is an accident, I'm shifting more to try and get away, to alleviate the pressure he is putting on me. He mistakes my movement as grudging acceptance, a weakening on my part.

"That's it Allura..." He purrs, teeth catching at my nipple, giving it a hard tug. "Just give in..."

I stare into his eyes, sweat beading on the side of my face. He pauses, his fangs on my nipple, quick to offer pleasure or pain depending on my answer. Sick as I feel, the room spinning, my stomach uneasy, I am able to think things through. I let out a breathy sigh, submitting to his intentions. He rewards me with his tongue, laving it over my previously abused nipple. I cannot shake the tension from me, but I try to force my body to relax. I no longer fight his hold, no longer hold in my voice though I cannot moan.

Instead, whimpering, I let him do as he pleases, Garrant letting down his guard. Letting go of my wrists to grab onto my hips. His fingers dig into the bruise marks Lotor has left behind, Garrant trying to get me to move on top of his knee. I don't want to, hearing the hiss of impatience he lets out as he tries to force my hips to move.

"Ah...Garrant..." A whine of his name, my tone almost breathless. It's all an act, my hands resting on his arms.

"You like that my sweet?" Garrant asks, rubbing his cheek over my breast. I force myself to nod, my eyes half closed to hide the disgust reflected in them. "There's more to be had. So much more." He pushes me down so I end up on my back, his body cradled between my thighs. He's smiling, staring down at me with appreciation in his eyes. I can only give a nervous look back, still gripping his arms when he puts a hand under the skirt of my torn dress. My hands clench on his arms as he begins to pet over my sex, Garrant telling me to just relax.

Nodding, I lean into the pillows, trying to control my panicked breathing. Garrant is showing more care with his fingers than he had with his teeth on my breasts, so it is not hard to pretend it feels good. Anything feels good after that clumsy way he had bit and sucked at my nipple.

Garrant is taken in by my attempts to relax, his own guard waning as he focuses on stroking an arousal in me. I let my hands slide from his arms, let them land on his waist. I feel the rough texture of scar tissue, stroking my fingers down his flesh. He doesn't seem to suspect anything, as my fingers continue their dancing caress, the Drule smiling as he plays with my body. He's still smiling when my fingers curve around the sheathed dagger's hilt, and then I am dumped into a new nightmare.

"Bitch!" He roars, his hand back handing me across the face. My head is rocked to the side, my right cheek throbbing with pain. Already dizzy from drink, I think I see stars in addition to the room's spinning but I do not let go of the dagger. I actually manage to draw it, fighting with him as I struggle to get out from under him.

The hum of lazon is in the room, the dagger small but made of the expensive material and as deadly as a sword. Garrant has my wrist in his hand, trying to squeeze down so I'll drop the dagger. I refuse, thinking I am dead if I let go of my one sole weapon. I think I might hear the cracking of my bones, and still I hold on, lifting a leg to kick him off me.

I have to kick him a second and a third time, and it only gains me a little ground. I'm still pinned under him, still fighting to get my hand free. He's snarling things, but I'm too upset to understand the words. From the livid expression on Garrant's face, I know it's not anything I want to hear. He looks absolutely murderous, and rolls us onto the floor. I don't let go of the dagger, even when he throws me against a wall. Shaking, I don't rise easily but when I do, I grab some objects from the shelves behind me. Throwing one after another at Garrant, the Drule ducking to avoid them. When I run out of things to throw, Garrant charges me. I see my death in his eyes, and I flinch, thrusting out my hand. It is then the door to the room is thrown open, and I hear Lotor's voice shout out my name. But it is too late, Garrant won't stop, the Drule running right into the dagger I hold before me like a shield. I gasp, he gasps, even Lotor seems stunned. Blood spurts out of the Drule's mouth, splattering onto my face.

Garrant is trying to speak, making a gurgling sound. He falls towards me, the dagger going in deeper. I shriek, and drop to my knees, not letting go of the dagger's hilt. I think my hand might be more damaged than I had first realized, my fingers not wanting to respond to my mental commands.

"Allura..." Lotor is pulling Garrant off me, barely giving the Drule a second look once he's gotten over his shock.

"Is...Is he dead?" I ask anxiously. Garrant's answering gurgle seems to mock me, Lotor's expression grim.

"No. Not yet." He says. Before I can question what he is saying, Lotor pries the dagger from my numb fingers. The lazon blade's glow is dulled by all the blood and gore on it, Lotor using his robes to wipe off the handle. I don't register what he is doing, why he is bothering to clean it until he plunges it into where Garrant's heart would be. Garrant lets out a tortured sound, more blood spurting from his mouth, and now his nose. Lotor gives a vicious twist of the dagger but Garrant is already dead.

My eyes are huge, I don't know what to say, what to do. "You..." I shake my head. "Why did you do that?"

"He had to die Allura." Lotor says, pulling out the sword at his side. "We couldn't leave any witnesses to what went on in this room."

I am dull witted in the moment. "Witnesses?"

"It's a capital offense for a slave to attack or harm a Drule." Lotor tells me, and shoves his sword into Garrant's body several times. The swords blade gets coated in blood, Lotor just leaving it there to protrude out of the wound that had killed Garrant off. "Punishable in only one way."

I never truly stopped shaking, the tremors wreaking havoc on my body. I don't have to guess what that punishment is, my voice coming out on a choked breath. "Execution."

"We...you can't stay here." Lotor decides, rising to his feet. I remain on the floor, my wide eyes watching as Lotor tries to clean off more of the blood on the dagger.

"Throw it away." I whipper, knowing the dagger is evidence against me.

"It's not so easy." Lotor tells me. "He was a decorated warrior. A celebrated hero. They'd know he'd never go anywhere without a weapon, let alone let it out of his sight."

"Then what do we do?" I ask, when really I want to say this is all Lotor's fault. For betraying me, for letting Garrant carry me off to be raped.

Lotor is quiet longer than I would have liked, my gaze lifting to his serious one. His gold eyes stare into me, and then Lotor is using the dagger on himself, plunging it into his side. I scream, but his other hand muffles the noise.

"Shhh Allura. I avoided anything vital." He tells me. I'm still trying to scream, not truly understanding why he would do this, why he would go so far in an attempt to protect me. Especially after his inaction had allowed me to get into this horrible situation in the first place!

"Shhh." Lotor repeats the soothing sound, trying to calm me. His expression is pained, his side bleeding.

"You need a doctor!" I say once his hand stops muffling my mouth. He doesn't argue with that, instead guiding me to stand. I find myself plastered against his uninjured side, Lotor putting an arm across my shoulders. I can't tell if he really is that weakened, or if it's an act he puts on as he uses me as a crutch to walk out the room.

There's no one in this stretch of the hall to see us, no witnesses to guess at what really happened in that room. I'm scrubbing at my face with my hand, trying to wipe off any remains of blood on my skin. I think only my shock keeps me from panicking, from breaking down completely and still I let out a yelp when we turn a corridor and come across two patrolling castle guards. These men first impulse is to leer at me, to stare at my disheveled state and exposed breasts. But they are not so dimwitted as to ignore the fact that something is wrong, their eyes going from me to their King, who leans so heavily upon me for support.

"Sire!" They cry, drawing their weapons in anticipation of a threat. Their eyes are already scanning the corridor, wondering if they will be forced to defend their injured King.

"There was an incident." Lotor doesn't mince words. "Garrant is dead." A jerk of his head in the direction we came from. "Stand guard over the body. Let no one enter without my permission."

"Yes sire." They say, and one hesitates. He's looking at the dagger protruding out Lotor's side, ready to voice a question.

"I am not so weak as to not be able to get myself to a doctor." Lotor announces, and though the guards hesitates, they ultimately nod their understanding. I can barely stop the relief from showing when they rush past us, and Lotor notices.

"Your face gives away too much Allura." He mutters to me. Though Lotor leans on me, I am not the one guiding him. Instead I shuffle forward, letting him choose the way. He is not headed towards the castle infirmary, instead leading me to his bedroom. I am confused and voice it, even as Lotor ushers me inside his private chambers.

"You can't be seen." He tells me. "Not until you get over your shock and calm down enough to be able to lie convincingly." I can only nod, knowing Lotor speaks true on this. "You will stay here." He continues. "You do not leave the bedroom until I say you do."

"Yes..."

The bedroom doors close behind me, Lotor taking the added precaution of locking them. I just stand there in the darkness, too shocked to cry, too shocked to do anything. It's not the first time I've had to kill in self defense, but it's never gotten any easier. But more than the shock and fright I feel, the distaste I have for killing, is the confusion I feel. A confusion caused by Lotor, by every one of his actions tonight. I don't understand, can't comprehend the reasons that motivate him. Nor can I truly grasp hold of why he would abandon me one moment, only to go so far to protect me the next.

To Be Continued...

Okay...author's note time. Originally I was gonna have it Lotor busts in and either badly injures the guy or kills him. (Either way would have had the same end result for me.) It was a last second plot bunny to have Allura start to kill the guy, and Lotor finish him off then have to protect her by hiding that she played any part in hurting/killing Garrant. That changes some of what I planned long term, but we'll see how much as it goes.

Also...haven't been feeling inspired for the Lotor POV at all...D: So much so I can't guarantee when the next chapter will be ready. I'm also feeling the pains of having too many stories for both my fandoms and not enough time to write them all! X_X

-Michelle

Lady Katherine 29, yes! Merla can be pretty epic. I always liked her too. Though people probably don't realize that, since she's usually up to no good in my stories. But I always thought the pink haired queen was pretty awesome. (and bisexual! XD) Hope what happened in this chapter satisified at least a little...ah a name change...so you no longer love the dimeras? I'm kidding, kidding! And thanks!

FireanIce 15, yes...they both did quite a bit of digging. Makes me wonder who will get buried first. X_X I'm kinda all D: cause you partially guessed something I've been setting up in these last chapters. Luckily you didn't hit on all the twists of it so I can still surprise you! :D But to get to the stuff I've been setting up, i have to get through these next chapters first...and already I see some of what I planned to do getting twisted out of my control...*bangs head against wall in frustration over the fact I will have to adjust plans again.*

And thank you so much! :D And yes, too many ideas...it used to be not quite so big a problem. But ever since October, my concentration has been shot due to pain and medical problem that causes said pain...I went from writing everyday to being lucky if I can get more than one chapter a month done. I was lucky this past April, cause I wrote several chapters of Cost. But I still haven';t gotten up to speed in how I used to be able to write. Makes me depressed, and kinda down that some of my idea will probably never get a chance beyond being written in note form. :(

Visciously Witty, heh...sometimes I worry I can't get what I want to write out coherantly. Ironically I think I am better at writing out my ideas in story form, than trying to explain their concepts to someone. XD And you're right, Lotor getting his heart broken by her doesn't give him permission or the right to act the way he does, and do the things he does. Course he wouldn't understand that at all, the big dummy. I'm happy to see others can see that Allura is being abused. I've had at least one person, possibly two insist it's not abuse cause Allura had to have known what would happen if she came to Doom seeking Lotor's part. That she consented to it all in going to him. I always saw it as dubious consent at best, rape at worst, since it's not like she wanted any of that done to her, but she felt like she had to do it. It's also why I put that disclaimer at the end of one chapter, cause I knew there'd be a percantage who would get mad and blame Allura for everything. =/

And thank you so much for all your kind words. I'm blushing now. Hope this chapter did not disapoint!

Fuuko no miko, thank you! Yes, the self confidence took a bit of a beating, but she eventually bounced back a bit to fight off her latest attacker. So yay for that! Though I have to stop overthinking things, cause now I remember I was full of doubts about this chapter the other night...so not good to stress over my own fic...X_X And yes about Merla, that damn troublemaker! *shakes fist in her direction* I have to make it clear in the Lotor POV that Merla and Hazar were setting them both up in order to test Lotor. And by how this chapter ended, I think we can all say Lotor failed the Drules test!

Luna de Papel, ah...Lotor...well I'm hoping I can write it out better than I can possibly explain out of story form. As I said to someone else in the review replies, I always feel like I can't explain my ideas if they're not in story format. Otherwise I feel I butcher up the explanations. X_X Anyway! This is a spoiler for Lotor's thoughts, but Merla and Hazar were purposefully testing him, setting Lotor and Allura up. The Drules all want reassurance that Lotor truly doesn't care for Allura. So if he had let her be raped, everything would be fine in their eyes. That he didn't means he failed their test...Lotor also KNEW they were testing him, which is why he let Allura be carried off. RIght now I'm imaginging he'll be pissed on all fronts, at the other Drules but also at himself for not being able to do what needed to be done..(pass the test.) I'm also intending for Haggar to make another appearance to rant and rave at him! Course the other Drules won't know just how deep Lotor is in it, since they won't know he's covering up Allura's attack on Garrant. Merla and Hazar are also part of something I am setting up. The only thing I feel ambivalent about at this point is, well...Lotor covering for Allura, and the talking they have to do once things get a little less chaotic...kinda messes with something I had planned. But I'll figure it out somehow...X_X


	18. Chapter 18

The needle going into my skin makes me hiss, pain prickling along my flesh. The nurse doesn't hesitate at that sound, her hands steady as she works to sew close my self inflicted wound. But a glance up shows the chastisement in her eyes, the woman vibrating displeasure over my refusal to take any drugs. I almost regret that choice, but know I cannot afford to have my mind addled even a little by drug or drink. Not when I need all my wits about me, my mind spinning, making plans. Trying to cover all bases for the chaos that will erupt once Garrant's murder is made public knowledge.

His death opens up new problems, the least of which being he had been a well liked and celebrated commander in my employ. He had led many a successful campaign, had added whole worlds to the Empire with his attacks. Certainly he would be deemed more valuable than an already disgraced former queen, my people not understanding nor liking why I would leap to protect Allura from a rape I had initially done nothing to stop.

My jaw clenches now, the nurse misreading that as a sign of my pain and discomfort. But my expression has little to do with the needle threading through my side. I am thinking of what had happened tonight, and of the repercussions my actions will have had. Of the tests I have failed, of how my actions will have done nothing to reassure anyone, and only bring suspicion down on me.

I am a fool for I know there is a little I would have done differently this night, save to prevent Garrant from ever leaving with Allura in the first place. Maybe then the man would still be alive, though my own standing would still be called into question, my people alarmed to realize Allura was still a weakness.

A weakness some sought to exploit. I keep from scowling, thinking of Merla and Hazar. Knowing they have endeavored to set into motion so much of what had happened this evening. Even the dinner, the gathering of so many important Drules, was their doing. I should never have allowed it, should never have had to prove myself to them. I should have been beyond playing their games, and yet I had wanted to show everyone, myself included, that Allura didn't have any true effect on me and my rule.

How wrong at least one of those things was proving! I was still suffering under her spell, still ensnared in her grip. I felt for her, and it wasn't limited to my hurt and the need for revenge against her. I wanted her, wanted something more than just the use of her body, and the pain she didn't always try to hide from me. I didn't want to look too closely, didn't want to examine what that something could be. Not with all that's happened, the damage we've both done to each other. I certainly didn't want to think I was in love with her in some way, to acknowledge that the heart I thought destroyed, might still be hers.

I tried to tell myself it was only that she was a possession I would not share, a toy I had not yet grown bored of. That that was the only reason I had flown to her rescue. But even to myself, the words were hollow, a lie that had no power to convince anyone. I almost laugh then, knowing my people fear but not knowing how to convince them that Allura and any distorted love for her that remains has no power to change me or the Empire.

That much I still believe. No matter what my personal feelings are, I won't run my Empire into the ground, trying to please Allura. Nor is there a point to attempting such a thing, not so long as she refuses to be won by me. She'll never give me her heart, never return even a fraction of my feelings that is not based on hate and pain. I've done too much, hurt her too bad to ever hope for love or even for her to be happy by my side.

I'm not even sure I can be happy with her in my life. But I know I haven't been able to let go, to try and attain happiness without her. I've hung on, letting my need hurt me as much as her, and even now the damage continues. What does a dagger to my side matter, when I do worst where Allura is concerned?

Damned if I do, and damned if I don't, I've set us both on a path that seems to beget only destruction. I can only be grateful it's been limited to just a few people, though perhaps Garrant's murder will make it harder to contain. I want to curse then, knowing I've not only failed my people's test, I've complicated things even more.

Those complications I have to start to deal with now, the last of the thread being tied off. I'll have a scar when that wound heals, but it's not the first I've earned because of Allura. Nor does it compare to the ones she's left on both my heart and soul, the damage she's done extensive and having never properly healed.

This wound at least is a cleaner cut, and nowhere near as painful. But my body has always been strong, always able to withstand Allura's abuse. Even when my heart would break, the body remained, strong and able to endure.

Just as I will now have to endure an interrogation, Haggar having arrived to answer my summons. She's taken her time too, feeling no true urgency to hurry away from whatever dark dealings she had been attempting this night. Not even that I have been injured makes her worry, her yellow gaze sweeping over my exposed torso, noting my stitched side, and the blood that has left splattered splotches on my pants.

"So." Haggar says, no sigh or emotion in her voice. "The little bitch finally tried to kill you?"

"Not quite." I retort cooly. "Someone tried to take liberties with my property."

"So you what? Leapt to defend the tart's remaining virtue?" Haggar was snide, then aghast when I gave a grim nod. "Lotor, you didn't!"

"No one takes what is mine."

"Even when that something is worthless?" Haggar's question has me fighting back the urge to snarl. I want to lunge forward and slap her, choke her for her impertinence at implying Allura has no worth.

Haggar tsks, the look in my eyes betraying my sudden anger. "Oh Lotor. Honestly. You can get sex from anyone, both willing and not. You don't need Allura for that."

"It's never been just about sex." I insist.

"Then what has it been about?" Haggar demands, than shakes her head. "This grudge you carry. It does you no good. You hurt yourself, and you jeopardize your position the longer you continue to associate with Allura. The Empire already worries...what will they think now that you have been injured defending that foolish woman?"

"They'll have more to worry about that their King's injury." I say. Haggar looks worried then, and I don't' try to lessen or delay the blow that follows. "I killed Garrant tonight."

"The commander?" She gasps in response at my nod. "Lotor, he was a venerated and highly decorated war hero! He was idolized by many, and has done much in the way of adding to the Empire's holdings."

"I'm well aware of that."

"And yet you still killed him!" Haggar grumbled out an exclamation. "Why? What was the point?"

"I needed to make an example of him." I say.

"So beat him, whip him, torture him! But you should not have killed him! Not over Allura!"

"It was not just because of Allura." I lie. "He challenged me. Disobeyed a direct order. I could not allow such a flagrant disregard of my authority to continue. If even one person is allowed leniency in this regard, others will attempt similar. You know this to be fact."

"Just what is it about that woman that makes men's minds so addled." It was a question that Haggar expected no answer to. "Both of you should have known better. No woman, no matter how beautiful, is worth the trouble Allura brings. And now a commander idolized by many is dead, the circumstances all the worse for your and Allura's involvement!"

"Don't I know it." Now I was the one muttering, but for all Haggar's age, her hearing remained as sharp as ever. "This was no accident, no mere chance that Garrant took a liking to Allura."

"Oh?" Haggar's concerned gaze turned even more so.

"You have to know what tonight was, what this gathering was truly about." I say.

Haggar nods, frowning. "It was a gathering of representatives for the Drule people's concerns."

"Concerns I was suppose to relieve them of." I sigh now. "They'll know I have failed in that regard when word breaks of Garrant's murder."

Haggar turns angry then. "You should have just let him have her! You know what will happen, what the others will say! Merla and Hazar won't want to miss this opportunity, they'll use your obsession with Allura to rally the people."

"They will try to." I answer. "But they will find it not so easy to take my crown from me."

"You should have never allowed Hazar to live! Without him, Merla would not..."

"Merla..." I interrupt Haggar with a hiss. "Would have found someone else. She's always been a conniving bitch...eager for control of my Empire. She makes nearly as much trouble as you claim Allura is responsible for."

"Well it's too late to kill her." pointed out Haggar with a grimace. "Even if you killed both Merla and Hazar now, it wouldn't minimize your problems. If anything, it would add to them. Merla and Hazar both have their own supporters, people who would protest their passings. It wouldn't be easy to silence that many, and the more you killed, the more you would stir up the Drule people's anger and insecurities."

"Indeed." It's all I say, but Haggar snorts all the same.

"This is a fine mess. A fine mess your obsession has thrust us into."

"Everyone fears Allura needlessly." I insist. "She has no power. She can't even influence my decisions."

"And yet you killed for her!" Haggar snaps. "What is that if not influence at it's most strong?"

"I didn't kill for her, but over her." I correct.

"You think that will matter to anyone else?" Haggar shakes her head. "No. All they will see is you acting to protect her. They won't care if it was love or a possessive need to keep your toy free of all other's hands. You failed exactly like Merla and Hazar were hoping. As far as they are concerned, you are still as in thrall to Allura now as you were ten years ago!"

Haggar began to pace, her agitation apparent. "You need to distance yourself from her."

"That is not happening." I retort calmly.

"At least go a few days without her in your bed." Haggar says. I surely grimace at that, the witch responding. "You're not even in any condition to fuck her at this rate." A pointed look at my side.

"There are other ways to gain satisfaction from her." I lewdly imply.

"I do not even want to know." Haggar says flatly. "But for your sake, I will pray to our Gods in the hopes you tire of her soon."

"You do that."

"Where is she anyway?" Haggar then asks.

"She's...secured." I answer.

"She needs to be gone." Haggar grumbles. "Her execution would absolve you of this mess. Hmph. But you won't even consider that will you?"

"If you know the answer, why do you even ask?"

"I suppose a part of me hoped the suggestion would get you to see sense of killing Allura." Haggar replies. "But you've never been able to reason where she is concerned." She sighs then. "How injured are you?"

"I'll live." I say as Haggar draw near. "It was a lucky thrust. Both for Garrant and for me."

"So he didn't hit anything vital?" Haggar questions, hovering fingertips over my stitched up side. She's staring, appraising the severity of my wound.

"It was a clean cut. Went in without rupturing anything important. It bled more than it hurt."

When Haggar looks up, her eyes are suspicious. "Strange that." She murmurs. "You would think a veteran warrior would be capable of something more damaging than that."

"Like I said, he was lucky. Lucky to have even gotten that one stab in."

"Hmmm." A mere sound from Haggar, but I am uneasy all the same. I don't need her prying, don't need her or anyone else stumbling upon the truth of my injury.

"I must inform the others." I say, standing up and drawing away from Haggar.

"Yes," The witch nods an agreement. "The longer you delay, the more reason they will have to question the circumstances around Garrant's untimely demise."

"There's no stopping them from doing that either way." I point out. I reach for my ruined shirt, my blood and Garrant's having seeped into the fabric. "But I will try to minimize the scandal that will follow."

But I am nowhere confindant about that. A scandal will happen, trouble following on it's heels. I expect the fall out of my actions tonight to be big, to have far reaching consequences not only for myself, but for my rule as well. I've played into Merla and Hazar's hands, and what's worse is that I had done so with the knowledge that that is what I was doing.

The night had been a series of traps for me. Tests and manipulations to see just how I would respond. If I had only been able to ignore Allura's plight, to remain indifferent to the fate Garrant intended for her, my enemies would never have gained the foothold they needed. My people would have left reassured, confidant Allura had no power to affect my judgement. Now they will feel anything but that, might even use this as an excuse to throw their luck in with Hazar. There will be strife among the Doom Empire once more, and I can only wonder just how far Merla and Hazar will go, if their actions will be limited to political maneuvering, and back stage manipulations, or if all out civil war will happen.

Either way spells trouble for me, though a war among the Drules will be worse for the Empire. It could drag on for years, and it's been a long time since the Drules have warred against each other. Our race is one built on fighting, our people warriors. There won't be a quick end to a battle that puts Drule against Drule, and the consequences of such a war could have devastating consequences. We nearly ruined our home world with the fighting our ancestors did, and the only thing that kept Doom from being completely destroyed was that our attention had shifted to the other worlds. To the people who inhabited those worlds.

I wonder who the bigger fools are. Merla and Hazar for even considering unleashing the Drules against one another, or I for falling into their trap. Whatever the case, I want this problem gone, want Merla and Hazar dealt with. But Haggar is right. I can't kill them. Not now, not without stirring the anger of so many others. Not without being prepared to kill dozens if not hundreds of other important Drule figures in an attempt to silence the outcry Merla and Hazar's deaths would cause. I am exactly where Merla and Hazar want me, and I can't truly act until they make an official move.

I am frustrated and angry, maybe even disgusted at myself. Caught by more than just Merla and Hazar's schemes, Allura has got me in her grip. Will the glorious Empire I've built be stolen from me? Will I have to watch as war breaks it all apart? Or will I be able to hang onto it all, the corpses of my enemies beneath me.

I don't know, but I am sure my father is laughing from his grave. He's always said Allura will be the ruin of me, destroying all that I value. Right now, I am almost inclined to agree, though I'll fight against such a fate. I'll do everything I can to keep things from blowing apart any further around me, even as I know the one thing I should do is rid myself of Allura. But I am not willing to do that, might be incapable of such a thing. And that might be my biggest problem of all.

To Be Continued...

Been a while for this fic. I wanted the chapter longer, but had difficulty getting it to the size it ended up being. X_X It's probably cause I am suddenly feeling very tired, but I worry I wasn't very coherent now...which is probably a stupid worry. I also feel like things are getting more complicated, like this will be a longer fic than I first thought...hoo boy. X_X And that the events of 17 might, MIGHT, prove to be a game changer in terms of what my aimed for ending was. But we shall see!

Michelle

Lady Katherine 29, thank you! Hopefully this chapter, at least a little starts to answer some of what you mused about. I mean, Lotor did know it was both a test and a trap, that they set him up that he would either fail and save Allura, or pass by letting Allura be raped by the other guy. (And thus fail Allura.) He rather thought up to the last instant, that he could just stand by and let it happen, but then he really couldn't. And now it might really hit the fan cause of what he did. I now have to probably work on a chaper where Lotor talks to the gathering of Drules but first I need some sleep. X_X I'm all booo cause I want to work on Lotor and Allura moment where they talk privately even though i bet that will be a hard conversation to write. X_X

Viciously Witty, thanks! I'm glad to hear it. It changes a little of what I planned in terms of something I've been trying to set up for Lotor and Allura. Not too much, but I realized they'll have to have a talk that kinda upsets something I had planned. That something will still happen (knock on wood) just it will be changed. But first I need to write enough that the story can advance to it. Really I'm worrying more about Merla and Hazar trouble making now at this point...X_X Thanks again!


	19. Chapter 19

There had been only a token resistance earlier, when I had moved to leave the room. Half hearted protests that few if any had truly meant, no one really having tried to stop me. Nor had I made any pretense at the reason why I had been leaving. We had all known I was going after Allura, and to say otherwise would have been a lie that discredited me further.

And thus the room erupts into gasps and excited chatter, both Drules and slaves rising, staring at me as I darkened their doorway. They've noticed the blood on my clothes, the fact that my sword is missing from it's scabbard. I don't wait for the questions to begin, standing tall, proud as I step further into the room.

"The commander is dead."

A few more gasps follow my announcement, a woman near to me clutching at her chest in horror. There are frowns and grimaces aimed my way, confusion in many eyes. There is even anger, a sense of loss being experienced by quite a few.

"Dead?" Someone asks, as though the question alone could change the outcome of my answer.

"Dead." From behind me comes Haggar's voice, the witch having shadowed me to this room. She thinks to protect me, to guard against any further foolishness I might do. But truly, this is my mess, and there is little she can do to actually help fix things. Not when I won't take her advice and have Allura killed.

The upset being shown in this room, makes me think that even Allura's death wouldn't set things right with these people. They had liked and respected the commander, had had dealings with him, had had their own fortunes added to as a result of some of his exploits. Where as Allura had gained them little, the woman bringing nothing but madness and misfortune to the Drules.

She'll bring more of it yet, may very well plunge us into a civil war. I should be doing everything I can to minimize the damage, to rid us of Allura's brand of trouble. And yet I remain stubbornly frozen in inaction, unable to let go, to break free of her. Her hooks are deep inside me, and I can't, won't tear them out.

Worse yet, my people are becoming aware of how entrapped I am by that hated woman. It worries as much as angers them, the people beginning to raise their voices, forgetting their place as they snarl accusations at me. Haggar cries out for respect and quiet, but it is another's voice who silences them.

"Let the King speak."

It is Hazar, the crowd parting to let him walk forward. His expression is stern, his earlier feigned friendliness gone from his eyes. But he hides any triumph he might feel, any eagerness he has for my throne.

I give him a cold look back, nodding my thanks for the quiet he has gained me. "The commander challenged my authority." I say. "He not only attempted to take the woman, but my life as well."

The stunned silence doesn't last long, someone crying out. "Why would he do that?"

"Commander Garrant apparently didn't take too well to his fun being interrupted." Haggar speaks for me.

"And what would you know witch?" demands another. "Were you there?" It is a sign of how upset they are, that any would dare speak to Haggar in this way. The witch narrows her eyes at the impertinence shown her, Haggar all but scowling as she makes an admittance.

"I was not."

"Commander Garrant was a level headed man." Hazar points out. "I don't, won't believe he lost his reason over a slave."

"You doubt your King's words?" Haggar demands, her glare now on Hazar.

"I merely want to know the truth of tonight's happenings." retorts Hazar. "It is after all a great loss we have suffered."

"Not as great a loss, had the commander's attack on our King been successful." Haggar quickly counters.

"Indeed." Hazar nods. "After all, the Empire cannot afford to be without a King."

"Especially one as great as our Lord, Lotor." Haggar says, ready to remind them all of my accomplishments. "He has after all, built this empire into what it is today. He's improved upon his father's ambitions, granted us wealth beyond our dreams, planets and people clamoring for the chance to be part of this great kingdom. Without Lotor..."

"We are all aware of what we owe our King." Hazar interrupts her. His expression betrays little, but I can tell all the same. Hazar hadn't liked Haggar's attempt to remind everyone of what I had done, what they should be grateful to me for. "Just as we owe a debt of gratitude to the late commander. It is unfortunate that they have come to blows, that our King was forced to defend himself and his property from Garrant's lust."

"Yes but..." A hesitant voice, the woman's expression pained. "Did he really have to kill him?"

Everyone's eyes are on me, waiting for my response. "There's no excuse for what he tried to do." I say. "An attack on the King, is an attack on the Empire. It is an inexcusable offense, meriting execution."

"That shouldn't have been for you to decide!" Someone hidden in the back of the crowd shouts. Agreeing murmurs rise up, the people not liking that I have played judge, jury and executioner to the commander.

"I am law!" I snarl at them. "I am the righteous fury of the Empire, the exacting hand of justice. If I deem someone should die, then by the hells or the heavens, they will be executed. By my own blade if need be!"

The gathered group already restless, doesn't like what I have said. They don't want to believe the worst of Garrant, don't want to believe he'd be fool enough to attack their King. They especially don't want to believe he could betray the Empire in such a way just because Allura had supposedly stirred his lusts to such a frenzy.

"To make an attempt on your King, whatever the reason, is an act of treason." I continue. "He lifted his weapon against me, made an attempt on my life. I will not be made to feel sorry for what I have done!"

"I am sure no one is asking that of you." Hazar interjects smoothly. "Just as I am sure you can understand the shock we are all experiencing. Commander Garrant was a hero of the Drule people after all. To hear that he would be so foolish as to throw everything away and attack you...it is upsetting."

"Imagine how I must feel, having lived through the attack." I retort dryly.

"Of course." Hazar bows his head slightly. The Drules gathered in this room, are hardly appeased but at least they are no longer grumbling, or worse yet shouting out accusations. But the calm won't last, the click clack of high heels approaching from the hall bringing someone who is about to shatter it.

"Ah your highness." A familiar voice says from the doorway. It is then that I realize Merla hadn't even been in the room, and I wonder just what she had been up to, to be gone this long. "Back so soon?"

"Merla." Hazar speaks quickly as I turn towards the Queen. "There's been an incident. Garrant is dead."

Merla is looking directly at me when Hazar's words register. I watch her careful mask of indifference break, she's genuinely shocked and not quite able to hide it. Merla hadn't been expecting to hear of Garrant's death, that hadn't been a part of her plan. It makes sense, for who in their right mind would volunteer for what could have and had in fact amounted to a suicide's mission? Garrant hadn't been expecting to court death, had probably thought at worse to be roughed up by me. No one had counted on Allura being the one to act in so deadly a manner, for her to have the luck to land a killing blow on a Drule. It works in her favor now, there is little reason for anyone to suspect she had played so direct a role in Garrant's death.

"Did you hear me Merla?" Hazar asks. "The commander is dead." He's waiting for Merla to compose herself, to put the mask back in place. Merla blinks her eyes several times before she can clear the shock off her face.

"How terrible." She finally says, her tone of voice bland. Are the wheels turning in that crafty mind of hers? They must be, for she locks gazes with me, and speaks words that are more statement than question. "By your hand, no doubt, Lotor? Honestly!" She snorts at my nod. "Could you have not shared your little slave for just one night with one man?"

"Frankly at this point, it doesn't matter if I could or could not." I answer. "The commander dared to attack me. If not for my own sword skill, I wouldn't be standing here before you, hale and hearty. As it is..." I skimmed a hand over my side, Merla's gaze dipping there though she wouldn't be able to see the stitched up wound underneath my shirt. "I was very lucky to come away with nothing more than a injury that will scar."

"How fortunate for us all then." Merla replies. "But still, it is a pity about the commander. He was popular, favored by many."

"Not to mention successful at what he did." added Hazar. "It is a shame he lost himself tonight. And over a woman, a slave at that!"

"Where is that slave?" Merla asked, trying for a casual tone. "Does she still live, or has her just punishment already been dealt out?"

"You needn't concern yourself with the woman." I snap, my tone cold.

"But your highness..." Merla widens her eyes in feigned dismay. "She was the ruin of a good man. She clouded his mind, used her body to stir his lusts. "

"You would know all about that, wouldn't you Merla?" Mocked Haggar, the witch not bothering to lower her voice. It earned her a withering glare from the Queen, but Haggar hadn't succeeded in deflecting attention away from what Merla had been saying.

"You are going to kill her, aren't you Lotor?" One of the nobles asked.

"It's the right thing to do." added another.

"The slave Allura had little to do with Garrant's true motives." I say, and an excited murmur of sound comes from the crowd.

"True motives?" asks Merla, trying for an innocent disbelief. "Whatever do you mean?"

"I do not believe this was an isolated incident. Garrant was wanting more than just sex."

"Oh?"

"It's suspect, don't you think?" I ask, and turn back to the gathered Drules. "That the commander would decide on Allura for his sport."

"What is there to suspect? We can all agree the slave is beautiful." Hazar said.

It was difficult to find the right words for what I had to say. I knew I had to tread carefully so as not to put too much importance on Allura's worth to me. Otherwise these people would feel their fears confirmed, take it as proof I was still bewitched and made foolish by my feelings for Allura.

"Lotor, what is it you are trying to say?" Merla prodded at my prolonged silence.

"Just this." I say. "Garrant picked that slave to purposefully lure me out. Either I would do nothing, and he would get to enjoy a night with a beautiful woman. Or I would come to reclaim what is mine, and thus such he would take the opportunity to attack me over her." A bland smile from me. "What he wasn't counting on was that I would be the better warrior of us two."

"You think what? That the commander was purposefully scheming to remove you from the throne?" Merla let out wicked peals of laughter. "Oh your highness, surely you jest."

"What happened tonight was no joke." I snap with a growl.

"That we agree on." Hazar said.

"A man is dead." Someone else murmurs, Merla's laughter calming down.

"Commander Garrant was many things." She says. "But I cannot imagine him holding ambitions for the Empire's throne."

"He may not have had designs to rule." I agree, wondering who I should watch more closely. Hazar or Merla. "But there are others who would benefit from his actions."

"Just what are you implying?" demanded Merla, hands on her hips.

"There is more than just the commander involved in this."

"What proof do you have?" Merla asks.

"None yet." I admit. "But soon enough..."

"Anyone can use this time to plant the proof needed to set someone up." interjects Merla. Her mind is indeed plotting, even now. "I'd give little trust to any so called evidence that is found. Not when there is so much at stake." She gives a shake of her head, frowning. "Surely, if indeed the commander had any accomplices, they would be quick to arrange things so that it would implicate someone else."

"We will be thorough in our investigations." I reply, unsmiling.

"Thorough may not be good enough, considering what is at stake." Merla insisted, then let out a pronounced gasp, acting as though a thought had just occurred to her. "Someone stands to get rid of some powerful enemies...Anyone could be blamed...anyone could be made scapegoat for what has happened tonight. Even you, your highness, may find opportunity to at last dispose of a few troublesome Drules."

One could only hope that was the case if those troublesome Drules were Merla and Hazar! But I didn't speak that thought out loud, listening to the gathered crowd raise their voices in alarm. Merla's implications had them all worried, and more than a few wondered if he or she could end up dead or imprisoned by false evidence that had been trumped up against them.

"Merla, when I want to get rid of someone, I won't need to fake some charges against them." My own bland expression shown, my tone grim.

"Because you are the law, Lotor?" My own words came at me, given life by Hazar's mocking tone.

"You take issue with that Hazar?" I shoot a hostile look at the crowd. "And the rest of you?"

"Not at all." Someone was quick to say. "We merely want to make sure the right people, the guilty ones, are punished for tonight's happenings."

"And thus they shall." I retort. "Which is why you all are to remain in the castle, until all inquiries have been conducted." Now I did smile, though it was cold. "You will all be under round the clock surveillance. For your own protection of course."

"Of course." Hazar acknowledge with a nod, his expression not betraying his feelings nor his thoughts.

"Our protection?" Merla scoffed, her tone bitter. "And who will protect our interests while this so called investigation is being conducted? Who will be there to make sure whatever you find, doesn't get someone killed?"

"If you are innocent, then you need not have such fears."

"Commander Garrant had no such fears, and he still ended up dead!" Merla points out.

"Merla..."

"NO!" She interrupts me with an vehement exclamation. "I cannot believe the commander was doing as you say. He was loyal to the Empire! He supported what was best for us, had little quarrel with anyone. Yes, he disagreed on some of your...policies, but to say he would disagree so strongly as to want you dead? That is laughable!"

"Merla. watch your tongue!" snapped out Haggar, but the witch was ignored.

"His only crime was to set eye on the King's slave!" Merla continued. Her eyes were brimming with an angry challenge, Merla riling up everyone with her words. "To want that cursed woman, not realizing the King would...cherish his possession to the point of murder."

"I acted to defend my life!" I snap back, even as the crowd began whispering things to each other. "The commander sought not only to kill me, but to take from the Empire the King it depends on! He would do all of us a disfavor!"

"I don't believe that is what happened at all!" Merla advanced forward, the gathered Drules attentive to her every word, her every action.

"It doesn't matter what you believe!" Haggar snarled, receiving a vicious look from the Queen.

"Let her speak!" This was supported by the crowd, the group shouting out agreements.

"We want to hear!"

"It is our right to know!"

"It is suspect, is it not?" Merla demanded. "That our King would allow the slave to be taken in the first place. Especially given her...sentimental value to the King."

"I advise you to drop this Merla." I growl in warning.

"We need to examine all possible reasons for what happened tonight." Hazar spoke up in support of Merla and the crowd. "Even if it is...unpleasant to consider."

"Or do you have something to hide?" Merla taunted.

"Not at all." I said in a steely tone of voice.

"Good. Then you won't mind me putting this out there. " Merla all but grinned her victory at me. "You knew you couldn't easily get rid of such a popular hero of the Drule. You certainly couldn't dismiss him from his post, banish him from the kingdom without a lot of fuss and protest. So you did the next best thing. You set him up."

"That couldn't be farther from the truth." I insisted.

"Then why did you let him leave with that slave in the first place? If not to have the excuse to go after them? It's rather convenient he attacked you when there was no one else around to play witness to the crime."

"Are you doubting the King's word?" Haggar demanded.

"Even the King should not be above paying for this crime!" retorted Merla, brimming with satisfaction as the crowd let out agreeing cries.

"Let us not get carried away!" shouted Haggar over the crowd. "We don't have any proof either way for what has happened..."

"But we'll get it." Merla insisted. I couldn't help responding to her overly confidant tone, stepping towards the Queen with menace coloring my every action.

"Because you'll have seen to it?" I demanded, standing toe to toe with the Queen, an angry glower on my face as I stared into eyes that all but glowed with her defiance.

"Now you would accuse me of attempting wrong doing?" Merla demanded with a hiss. "Lotor, really. You're jumping at shadow, quick to place the blame on any and all who displease you."

"The way you scramble Merla, anyone with a brain could see you have something to hide." I retort. "What that something is though, is up for debate."

"I am loyal to the Empire." Merla insisted, though she wasn't so quick to profess loyalty to me. "I merely want what is best for it."

"That we all do." Hazar said from somewhere behind me. Haggar guarding my back was the only thing that kept me from spinning in place, to keep an eye on the man who was just as dangerous as the Queen.

"There has been many accusations this night." spoke Haggar. "Excitement and tempers run high. We do no one any good with these unfounded suspicions."

"We merely want justice." Merla hadn't taken her eyes off me, the woman's lips twitching as though she was fighting a smirk. "Who that justice is for though, that remains to be seen."

"Someone is scheming against the throne." I say in reply. "I intend to have the guilty parties exposed, the traitors executed for their treason. That will be your justice served."

Merla didn't so much as flinch, her defiant glare unwavering. She wasn't cowed by the thought of exposure, or of the execution I had promised. Which meant the woman was secure in the knowledge that the schemes she had plotted with Hazar, weren't about to unravel that easily. Now more than ever I wish to be rid of these two, but knew that my hands were tied at the moment. There was too many who supported the pair, too many present who would claim I acted without justifiable reason to kill Hazar and Merla. I feared very much that by the time I had the proof needed, the two would well be on their way to leading a revolt against my rule. My kingdom would split, the Drules fighting each other, and I couldn't help but wonder how many more supporters I had lost with tonight's happenings. And though Garrant's murder had been unexpected, everything else was playing into Merla and Hazar's hands. Especially me! It was all snow balling out of my control, and I wondered how much more would be lost in the coming weeks. 

To Be Continued...

Okay...this chapter gave me some difficulties...especially in writing things out so they made sense. Went through a few drafts at a certain point. The very first attempt at that certain point, was real confusing and all over the place in my opinion. And then I felt it was leading up to Merla stirring the crowd into a mass riot if Lotor didn't agree to KILL Allura. Which is not what I wanted at all. Ironically my friend Megs looked it over, wrote a very good ramble to inspire help me...but then she ran into the same problem...the gathered Drules would be out for Allura's blood, and no way for Lotor to back them down. *face palm.*

Then when I finally, hopefully got that fixed and rewritten in a way without the whole, "WE DEMAND ALLURA BE KILLED!" debacle, it was looking like I'd be stuck with Merla and company insisting on interrogating Allura before Lotor could talk to her. Which made me an unhappy camper, but at least I didn't have the kill Allura problem. But I'm happy I was able to somehow get past it without having to detour into the Drules insisting on questioning Allura on what happened. Cause I really wanted the next chapter to be a Lotor Allura chapter. I'm both looking forward to it, and dreading that conversation they have to have. X_X

Thanks to Megs and Elle for the support and hand holding during this chapter! I'm really hoping this chapter makes sense...it was quite a struggle too. X_X

Quick note, in the Cost Universe, Merla doesn't have any mind powers. So there's no worry that she'll read Lotor's mind for the truth of what happened.

Michelle

Luna de Papel, oooh...*winces* That was more MY mistake than Lotor's. And the real bad thing is I had reread all the previous chapters before attempting to write 18 and I STILL made that mistake. I'm undecided if I should edit that chapter to try and fix it, or go with the idea that Lotor has this mentality that he's allowed to say things about Allura, but there's hell to pay if anyone else says the same thing. *face palms.* I'm probably going with that...

Anyway! Glad you're enjoying his troubles...oh man...I see potential for an ending where he loses everything. But I'm sure I'd get lynched if I wrote that kind of ending...*nervous now*

Lady Katherine 29, thank you! Though I'm kinda wincing when I reread that chapter, cause I noticed a lot of typos. I was really tired cause it's worse than usual! *face palm* Hopefully this chapter continues to make sense of the fall out of what Lotor has to deal with cause of Merla and Hazar's plots and schemes. And yes totally treasonous actions! They are aiming for his throne after all! XD I'm glad you liked the Haggar Lotor conversation! She's fun to write! (usually anyway!)

Viciously Witty, thanks! I'm pleased with the Haggar Lotor moments in this fic, even though they've been pretty rare. Haggar is usually a joy to write. :) Lotor's ended up with a lot of problems now...I just hope I was able to write this chapter 19 with some kind of sense to it all. It was frustrating...and I kept trying to stop it from spiraling out of MY control. X_X I need to work on Lotor and Allura finally having a conversation but worry they'll spiral out of my control and end up fighitng big time. Hoo boy. *face palm* I feel like relaxing some today, instead of worrying about the next chapter. But of course, I might change my mind after I have my dinner. ^^;;


	20. Chapter 20

It took some time before I was finally free, another two whole hours spent in an attempt to calm and control the gathered Drule representatives. It had proved an extraordinarily difficult task, made all the harder by the venomous insinuations spewed from Merla's lips. The Queen knew just how to stir the crowd, how to prey on their fears, and voice the thoughts they themselves would not dare. She played into their suspicions, made the accusations they would not. She had become the mouthpiece of the group, a leader made impudent with the knowledge that I couldn't easily strike her down. Her or Hazar, both of them feeling far too safe in the security their position and allies gave them in the Doom Empire.

Hazar and Merla weren't going to go away easily. They had an eye on my throne, a hunger for my kingdom. They weren't content to toil away as minor players ruling planets that had no real impact on the Empire or the Denubian Galaxy. They wanted it all, my everything, and I could only wonder how long their alliance would hold should I be displaced from my throne.

I didn't for one second think the two would be content to share the Empire between them. One or both would get greedy, and then move to eliminate the other. But for now so long as I was in power, they had a common enemy to vanquish. It was two against one, and even with Haggar as my most stalwart supporter, the odds had now been stacked against me. It was all my own fault, I had set myself up by allowing Allura back into my life. Tonight's events, Garrant's murder, the tests I had failed? They had only been the latest in damning evidence, my people having long worried about my involvement with Allura beforehand.

It was a mess of my own making, but I didn't intend to let it be the end to my glorious reign. I've withstood enemies in the past, Zarkon, the Voltron Force, even Hazar himself. I'm determined to outlast these new foes, to rid myself of the problems Merla tries to cause. I'll keep alert for my chance, anticipating that it will come and come soon. Merla and Hazar will slip up, they HAVE to if I am to have any success at removing their vileness from my Empire.

Of course worry lays with the suspicion that by the time they do act, it won't be until after the Empire has been thrust into civil war. I do not want that to happen, but fear it is unstoppable. The support for Merla and Hazar grows, especially after this night. When the fighting inevitably breaks out, they will be firmly entrenched in the midst of it, leaving me to fight past hundreds if not thousands to cut down the traitors.

Merla and Hazar don't truly care about the lives that will be lost in their bid for my kingdom. They excuse their actions by claiming they are doing what is best for the Empire, trying to put who they think is the better man on the throne. But that's a lie. What could Hazar possibly offer an Empire that has been built up almost from the ground by my own two hands? How can he even hope to hold things together, when the Empire is so dependant on my actions, my decisions? I am what has made this Empire great, I am the reason we have surpassed the Alliance, seen it and Garrison fall apart. And I will be damned thrice over before I let my Empire be destroyed by that pair's greed and ambition.

It is harder to reconcile myself against eliminating the other threat to my rule. Allura is a poison, infecting my thoughts, my actions, many of my decisions. And yet I move not to cut that poison out, instead merely striving to minimize the damage she can cause. Tonight has been a prime example of that, from the tests, to covering up the true culprit behind Garrant's murder, to giving Merla and Hazar just a little more rope to hang me.

I don't yet feel the coils of that rope closing around my neck, but it's there all the same. Invisible bonds ready to choke the life out of me, and yet I had denied myself the chance to cut free when I had chosen to protect Allura. But I cannot, will not, imagine a life without Allura playing some part in it. Happy or sad, damned or blessed, our lives are entwined. It's been that way since she was sixteen, and even through the ten years of separation, she had always been the motivating force behind my actions. Love, sadness, anger, the need for revenge. I've felt it all and then some. Just as Allura has felt similar, keeping track of my exploits out of sheer desperation and need. It's always been because of Arus that she has been aware of me. First as it's conqueror than as it's would be savior. Whatever hat I wear, we've always been pulled towards each other, fate tying us together for good or for bad.

Right now I'd say we are in for a lot worse than what we've already gotten. We may drag each other down, the Empire crumbling as my people fight it out amongst each other. Without my backing, Arus will continue it's downward spiral, the people there wiped out from infighting, sickness, and starvation. No one else will care. No one else will bother to try to help Arus, no matter what Allura tries to offer. With no other options left to her, I can only hope that Allura realizes just how much value I truly am to her. I certainly hope she can appreciate what has happened tonight, the risks I have taken, the things I might inadvertently be sacrificing to keep her alive.

It is with those thoughts, that I enter my bedroom. I don't immediately see Allura, my eyes blinking several times to adjust to the dim lighting. The yellow glow of light on the covers, shows the bed is empty, sheets perfect in their undisturbed state. I frown, casting my gaze about. The overstuff arm chair is also empty, but it's missing several cushions. I'll find them and Allura behind the chair, the woman cuddling asleep on the floor with them.

For one second I am unsure what to think of her choice in makeshift beds. Is she trying to hide, and from whom? Me? Or is it those who would demand justice for Garrant's murder? Or is there a more obvious reason? One that has little to do with what happened tonight, and more to do what had gone on in this room in days past. Was Allura so disgusted by me that she couldn't even stand to sleep in my bed, or in one of the chairs I had fucked her on?

I try not to let anger fester any more than the first stirrings of it. Instead I try to look at the room from Allura's eyes, noting there is little seat or surface that we hadn't had sex on. I had been downright brutal, taking her whenever and wherever the fancy struck me, my desire having little patience for her protests. This room is full of memories, and few if any are good even to me. I don't even want to consider how much worse it is for Allura, or how what had happened in this room had been as close to a private hell as she could get.

I sigh then, kneeling down besides her sleeping form. She's done away with the dress Garrant had torn apart, instead wearing one of my shirts for modesty's sake. It bags on her thin form, and even with the sleeves rolled up, the fabric comes down to her wrists. What is waist length on me, drapes down past her knees, though in her sleep, Allura has caused the material to hike up her legs. For once the sight of her bare thighs doesn't stir the hunger in me, I am more tired than I had realized, that self inflicted wound of mine hurting and draining me of much of my usual vigor and energy.

Merla's incessant arguing had seen to taking the rest, and right now, as silly as it seems, the idea of simply laying down next to Allura holds an appeal like no other. But not on the floor. I still have standards, and I shift carefully to scoop Allura up in my arms. She doesn't wake immediately, I'm able to hold her against my chest, to breathe in the scent of her recently shampooed hair. Even as I luxuriate in the calming effect the scent and nearness of Allura has on me, I feel envy that she was able to enjoy a shower while I had had to deal with questions and accusations that had seemed unending.

The questions will keep on coming in the morning. My people aren't at all satisfied with what I've said has happened, the Drule representatives divided on what to believe. On who to think set up who. Worse yet there will have to be an official announcement made soon, to let the public know of their hero commander's passing.

There will be so much to do, so much to deal with on top of the typical concerns of the Empire and it's worlds. I don't look forward to the headaches that will come with it all, knowing that right now, this moment is my one brief respite from tomorrow's troubles.

I make it to the bed, and am in the process of laying Allura down on it when she starts to wake up. I don't know if she's dreaming, or if she's aware that it is me who touches her. But she whimpers all the same, and before I can attempt to calm her, she screams.

"NO!"

A slap follows that scream. My cheek stings, and I growl, the sound low, dangerous. She begins her struggles in earnest, and we find ourselves in a familiar position. I've pinned her beneath me, my body reacting on instinct to the slap, working to minimize the threat she attempts to pose to me.

She's shaking her head, half snarled out screams protesting my nearness, Allura trying to buck me off her body. Her eyes are cinched tightly closed, and she shakes as violently as her earlier slap.

"Allura!" I snarl back at her, gripping hold of her arms and shaking her. Her eyes open, but she doesn't calm down, anger and revulsion mixed into the blue of them. She knows it's me, must think I am on top of her to pick up on one of the many times I have raped her in this bed.

It seems laughable to tell her I am not going to hurt her, when it's exactly what I've done, and will most likely keep on doing. I know I can't even promise I will never touch her again in a moment of desire, the lust though muted by my pain and tiredness is still there. Still ready to take from her all it can.

Allura watches the frustration pass over my face, and it confuses her. She realizes that though I lay on top of her, I am making no further moves, nor am I attempting to tie her up. She doesn't trust this to relax her guard, Allura glaring at me, expression stony and furious. But she's stopped screaming, willing to listen to me.

I am almost unsure of what to say to her. I am not used to truly talking to her, just ordering her around, telling her what it will be like, and insulting her. Perhaps now shouldn't be any different, perhaps we should both stick best to what we already know.

"I am going to get off of you." I say to Allura. "You WILL NOT attack me." I don't have to make any threats for what will happen should she make another attempt to hit me. Allura knows my retaliation will not be something to enjoy on her part. So she closes her eyes in resignation, and nods a heart beat later. I seethe inside, but slowly roll off her body.

Allura doesn't try to sit up, laying with her eyes closed. She opens them again when I resume speaking.

"The others know the commander has been killed." She doesn't yet speak, doesn't so much as nod in understanding. "I've informed them that he died by my own hand."

"And..." A hesitation on Allura's part. "And they believe you?"

"If they even suspected you had played any role in the actual murder, you would not be sitting here in my bed." I tell her, and watch the shiver work it's way through her. "There is no excuse for a slave attacking and killing a Drule. Nor is there any mercy shown to the offending slave."

"But..."

"None Allura." I snap insistently. "No matter what the Drule attempts to do to you, no matter what you are attempting to defend yourself from, even to save your own life is not a good enough reason for what you did tonight."

"It was..." She bit at her bottom lip for a second. "I didn't mean to kill him. I just wanted him to stop..."

"It doesn't matter what you wanted." I tell her. "He's dead all the same."

"So...that's it then? That man is dead, his murder covered just another debt I owe you?"

Her insolent tone makes me want to slap her, to try and jar some sense into her. "You owe me for a lot more than just that!" I hiss at her. "Do you have any idea what you've set into motion? The troubles you've laid at my feet just by appearing before me?"

A quick shake of her head, her blue eyes wide with something, apprehension and fear the dominant emotions I see reflected there. I have to take a few quick breaths to try and calm down the worst of my anger, but it seethes and festers inside me, stirred up by what had happened, what continued to happen, by my frustration at being seemingly helpless to stop what Hazar and Merla were setting into motion.

Some of it leaks into my expression, Allura trembling but brave, foolishly asking me to explain what I meant by that.

"You're giving my enemies perfect opportunities to act against me."

"I didn't think you had any enemies left." Allura says softly. But her look is bold, her words accusing. "Not after all your killings!"

"'I've made no attempts to hide the stains on my soul." My own tone is cold, hostility frosting the air.

"No, you've only flaunted and reveled in your wrong doings!" The blue of her eyes is boring into me, Allura downright haughty in the moment. "You built your empire on crushed dreams, on the bodies of the many you've killed, on the backs of the millions you've enslaved."

"An inconsequential price to pay, when you compare it to the billions who have prospered and flourished under my rule." I counter back.

"It's wrong!" She insists. "You shouldn't profit off the suffering and misfortune of others!"

"And yet did you not seek to do the same in coming here to Doom? In brokering a deal with me, the devil you so despise?"

"It wasn't like that!" She protests quick enough. "I merely wanted Arus to be given the chance it had been denied. To get the help it needs to be able to stand on it's own feet."

"And how do you expect to do that without the use of my money? By your own admission, it's tainted, earned off the suffering of those less fortunate than the Drule." I laugh when she has no ready answer. "You can't close your eyes and pretend Allura. If I, if the Empire is evil for what it's done, we don't suddenly become good just because we are attempting to do Arus a favor."

"Some favor." She mutters bitterly.

"Watch your tone." I order her, and her gaze turns downright defiant.

"Does the truth of it hurt, Lotor?" She asks me. "Does it make you unable to pretend that your so called generosity comes at a steep price? Does it keep you from pretending that you've not wronged me or my people? Or is it too much to hope that you'd be unable to sleep at night for all the wrongs you have done and continue to do?"

"Listen you little fool." I hissed, snatching hold of her arm. I let the tips of my nails dig in, claws cutting into her soft skin. "You're so smug, so self righteous over what you think you know, you don't even bother to find out the truth of what is really going on!"

"The truth?" She scoffs then, though she wisely makes no attempt to jerk free of my claws. "And what truth is that?"

"Your actions have consequences." I say. "Tonight for instance..."

"A man is dead." Allura nods as though she understands perfectly. "It is unfortunate but..."

I want to laugh at the way she tries to shrug off Garrant's passing. "It's more than just one man's death." I interrupt her. "The commander was a hero of the Drule. A well respected, well liked man who will be sorely missed by many." Allura still wore a stubborn look of defiance, making me both want to grit my teeth in annoyance, and sigh in exasperation. "He was considered loyal to the Empire, a true asset to my people. How do you think that will look, the fact that I killed him in a fight over you?"

Comprehension dawned in her eyes, Allura losing her defiant look.

"I of course, have tried to spin an angle to minimize the damage his death causes me. But not everyone is willing to believe so easily."

"So they are not all sheep who follow you anywhere..." Allura murmured thoughtfully, then winced at the vicious way I dug my claws into her arm.

"They are loyal to a point." I say. "But circumstance has them running scared, scrambling to make sure what is best for the Empire really happens."

"And they no longer believe that's you?"

I was loathe to admit it to her, but I nodded all the same, unprepared for the mocking peals of laughter she let out. That laughter drew to a halt with a gasp, my grip turning crushing on her arm. Allura's expression turned to pain, and she managed to weakly cry out.

"Your highness, you are hurting me!"

I didn't relax my grip, staring infuriated at her. "Before you think to celebrate my troubles, think carefully on what it means if I lose control of my Empire."

"You'll be banished or worse." She managed to gasp out around the pain. "A new King will sit on the throne."

"And a new king will have little reason to help you or your world." I tell her, grim satisfaction coloring my words.

"I'll make a deal with him..."

Now it was my turn to laugh. "You think to offer the same deal you gave me? You think Hazar or Merla will even be tempted, after the problems they've seen you cause me?"

Her face was turning red, but it was no shy maiden's blush, but pain that caused that coloring. "I don't understand..."

"My people have been uneasy since you arrived on Doom. Worried what your presence here means, worried about my involvement with you. They fear I am still obsessed, that I'll let some lingering feelings for you cloud my judgement. They fear that together, we will be the ruin of this great Empire, and there's little I can do to assure them that will not happen! Especially after failing tonight's test."

She was probably going to pass out from pain if I didn't let go of her arm, and yet Allura continued to gasp out words. "What test?"

"If I had let the commander have you, that would have gone quite a ways in alleviating some of their fears. The fact that I did not, that I not only came to your rescue, but seemingly killed over you? It only strengthens their suspicions, and gives Merla and Hazar ample opportunity to sway more to their side."

"Lotor..." She begged, and I abruptly let go of Allura's arm. She immediately crumpled backwards onto the bed, clutching her bleeding, hurt arm to her. I hadn't broken the bone, though I wouldn't be surprised if Allura's arm didn't suffer a sprain at least. And yet I was also impressed, downright amazed that she hadn't started crying in pain or hysterics.

"The fact is, as many as there are that would see me gone, there is even more that want to rid the Empire of your taint. The new King, even if he was so inclined towards you, would be an absolute fool to keep you alive after the problems your presence has brought me. And Arus? If they were lucky, Arus would be abandoned, the people left to their unenviable fate."

"That still sounds better than what you had planned for it." Her voice was weak, Allura still cradling her arm.

"Oh?" I leaned over her, my face just mere inches from hers. "And that is...?"

"Enslavement." She whispered.

"Ah yes, there is that." I smile evilly. "Another one of those truths you haven't bothered to find out about."

"What else is there to know?" She asks. "I heard you use the word..."

"You heard, but did not understand even half of what was being said!" I roar over her, watching Allura flinch back from my shout. "You recognized what...a handful of words, if even that much. And then what did you do, but assume you know everything. And like a fool, you not only try to end our agreement, but you attempted to run from me. Not caring for yourself, or the consequences it would have for Arus."

"But then..." I pause, and give her my most bitter filled look. "You've always been like that."

"What?" She shook her head no. "I've always been aware, always careful for what my actions mean for Arus and it's people."

"Not careful enough." I mutter, than wag a finger in her face. "That brings me to another truth. Arus wouldn't be in the state it is in, if you had said yes to my proposal of ten years ago."

"I had my reasons." She retorts. "And the full backing of my advisor and the Voltron Force."

"Reasons." Now I scoff. "You were a scared child that was too selfish to sacrifice your sainted virtue to the big, bad King who would have loved and worshipped you."

"Selfish?" Her jaw had dropped open, Allura forgetting about the pain of her arm for the moment.

"You didn't think to consider for one moment the good you could have accomplished as my Queen." I continue. "Not just for Arus, but for the entire galaxy. Back then I was stupid enough to let my love blind me, to allow you to lead me around to do just about anything you desired. And all I asked was for you to be my bride, and try to love me back."

"You never would have given me that much power." She protests. "And I've experienced first hand what night after night would have been like as your bride..."

"You experienced nothing of that sort!" I snap back. "You think this is how I would have treated you back then? When I adored you, loved you to the point I considered you precious? No, you lost out on a Lotor that was naive, on a Lotor fool enough to turn his Empire inside out to please you. Arus and all the other worlds that have suffered? It's your fault! You gave up your chance to do true good, to reach beyond your limits as a princess of some pathetic backwoods planet."

"It's all your fault Allura." I continue ruthlessly. "You were stupid and stubborn, and always making assumptions, rather than taking the risk to try and find the truth out about me. And you are still doing it now!"

Her eyes had grown wet, though she hadn't let any tears actually fall. "Don't you even want to know what is really going on with Arus?" I ask her. A heart beat's pause, Allura studying my expression. And then she nods, and I really do exhale.

"Then take my hand." I tell her, and she looks at it. I don't wear any expression in the moment, carefully blank as I wait for her decision. Again that slow nod before she reaches for my hand, her movements hesitant, her body seeming to tremble harder. I don't know what I am hoping as I guide her off the bed, but I wonder if what I am about to show her will be enough to pull off a miracle or if I will once again end up disappointed, crushed by Allura's stubborn rejections.

To Be Continued...

PHEW! I had a struggle with the conversation part, because it kept kinda going off track. I want to thank Elle for the hand holding, and looking over the start of the conversation. Her words of support and encouragement kept me from trashing it completely.

I really liked the start of this until it came time for them to actually talk. I'm not hating on the talking part either, now that I got over the hurdle of 20. Their talk needs to continue in 21 which will probably be a Allura POV. I wanted this chapter to end a different way, but I just couldn't advance it forward to the point I originally wanted. But that's okay! I just have to work on showing it from Allura's eyes, and modify it a little. XD

God it'll probably be closer to four am before I finish proof reading and spell checking. X_X But I am very glad to have this chapter finished!

-Michelle

Lady Katherine 29, hello again! Thank you, thank you! *bows* I'm happy to hear that excellent, since it was so hard to try and write! ^^' And I don't think there's anything wrong with liking Haggar. At one point I was considering writing some kind of Haggar one shot...In my head, she can be a pretty tragic character when you think about what she might have sacrificed for Zarkon. This of course being ignoring the Go LIon stuff (Which I keep seperate from Voltron cannon...usually! XD) where they turned out to be related...plus I'm affected by all this conversations I had with a friend in IM sessions, where talked about Haggar being in love with Zarkon. Actually I wrote a lemon for said friend, where Zarkon and Haggar got it on. This being when they were young, and she was beautiful. I don't think I posted it anywhere, cause I didn't think anyone else would be interested. Plus it was just kink sex cause it was a gift for my friend. ^^''

But I really enjoy writing Haggar. I need to look and see if I ever wrote down what that one shot Haggar thing was supposed to be about cause I can't really remember any details. =/ Oh man...I forgot to work in some kind of mention about how they wouldn't normally consider a slave a credible witness...*face palm.* Maybe next chapter...course Lotor will have instructed Allura on what kind of story to stick to should they decide to question her. As for Merla and Hazar, I have some thoughts for scenes of them but the way the story evolves, it also surprises me sometimes. So who knows how my ideas will hold up by the time I get close to trying to write them out in this storyline! ^^'' Thanks again!


	21. Chapter 21

I don't know what I am hoping for, as I reach to take the hand Lotor offers me. Why I don't just assume he will once again live up to expectations. Certainly given our history, the knowledge of how Lotor conducted the Empire's affairs, and even what has been happening in the last few days should all have screamed a warning at me. I have experienced first hand his ruthlessness, his lack of mercy, his cruelty. It seemed absurd that I would dare entertain the idea that he might prove me wrong where at least Arus was concerned.

But there had been something about his eyes. Some gleaming emotion that seemed out of place on Lotor's face. He had been many things, angry, frustrated, exasperated. But the sincere appeal I had seen was new, unexpected. It wasn't enough to get me to believe, to even entertain the idea that things could be different, no matter how much I might wish it otherwise. But perhaps it was enough to motivate me to at least humor him, to indulge in a moment that might be nothing more than the latest cruel game of his.

I was prepared to play it, to be the brunt of his joke if it meant I could finally get some confirmation on just what was happening on Arus. Though I was sure I already knew, my people enslaved and killed, tortured and toyed with for the amusement of the Drules. But to know the happenings as fact, would at least spare me the torture of wondering. But it would never absolve me of my sins to my people, and not just of the crime of inviting Lotor back into our lives. No, my hands were dirty, as stained as Lotor's but for different reasons.

I was responsible for much where Arus was concerned. Lotor had gotten that right at least. If I had been a wiser, more capable ruler, perhaps then I would have been able to help Arus recover from the damage the war with the Drule had caused it. I wasn't absolving Lotor or the Drules for their role in Arus' misfortunes, but a part of me knew it was my own inadequacies that had helped the planet decline. I wish it wasn't so, wished it could have been different in some way. I wish for many things, but know it is useless. Wishes and dreams do nothing, only money and power make a true difference.

Lotor has an abundance of both, the worlds under his rule flourishing. It's why I came to him in the first place, why in my most desperate hour, I sought his help for Arus. I've bartered with the only coin I had left to me, and even that hasn't seemed valuable enough to gain anything more than false promises where Arus is concerned. For all intents and purposes, I have gambled and I have lost, and yet I take his hand anyway. Wanting him to prove me wrong, but yet not daring to so much as dream.

Lotor's face is carefully blank as his closes his fingers around my hand. His grip is firm, but lacks the crushing strength he previously used. And still my other arm throbs, a persistent pain that focus much of it's hurt in my wrist. I am sure that lingering pain is the signal of something more severe, but neither one of us has put true thought to seeing to it's care.

Even the steady trickle of blood that drips out of the claw marks Lotor left in my arm, is ignored for the moment. Both of us are too intent on what he wants to show me, on whatever truth Arus will reveal of it's situation. When I think about what could be happening, on what I assume has already started to happen, the pain in my arm is little compared to the pain in my heart.

Lotor has gone quiet as he leads me across the room. I don't try to second guess his reasons, as he sits me down in front of his computer that doubles as a way to connect to other worlds. Instead I just watch as Lotor leans over me, his arms on either side of my body, as his fingers begin tapping out commands, pressing buttons, and inputting codes. I don't even realize it at first, but I've begun to hold my breath, my heart beginning to beat faster. Ready to break at the first sign of abuse, I'm resigned but not happy at the thought of what Lotor has probably already done to Arus.

I am unprepared for the writing that fills the screen, pages and pages of the Drule language, with few if any photographs to accompany the writing. I actually frown, and shift in my seat, conscious that I brush against Lotor's front as I turn to look at him.

"What's this?" I ask, pleased my voice manages a calm quality to it.

"Plans." He answers, his eyes more intent on the screen than on me. "Proposals, and actual projects, some of which are already underway."

"Oh?"

"It'll take some time for the computer to finish translating these documents into your language." continues Lotor. "But it's all there...every last detail, including what has already begun on Arus."

"Begun?" I ask, trying to keep from shaking.

"The saving of your people." At last his gaze is on me, gold eyes boring into me with a dark intensity. It's a look that keeps me from scoffing in reply, leaving me frozen in my seat as I wait for him to keep on talking.

"I won't lie and say it will be easy." Lotor at last continues. "Arus and it's people's situation is severe. And not all of it can be blamed just on the war that had been waged between our two kingdoms." He held up a hand, as though to stave off the protests he expected me to make. "It's going to take a lot, and not just money, to get that world restored to even a shadow of it's past glory."

I felt anxious just listening to him, ignoring the pain of my arm as I waited. I didn't yet believe, didn't dare hope Arus' salvation was what he was truly implying in the moment.

"The people of Arus are going to have to WANT to save it."

"Oh they do!" I quickly blurted out, my tone almost breathless. "They want it more than anything..."

"Clearly that is not the case."

"You mean what's left of Arus nobility..."

"Not just those overly ambitious lords." Lotor told me, and then shook his head. "Allura, you've got to realize. You lost control of your planet long before you ever gave it over to me."

A hot flush of anger colored my cheeks, but could I really deny what he had just said?

"No..." continued Lotor. "If the people of your planet had stood in support of your rule, rather than divide themselves up to fight the nobles' many wars, perhaps then you would have had the support you needed to try and improve the situation."

"I don't blame them!" I quickly said. "They were scared, hungry, desperate..."

"And only making the situation worse by dividing themselves among so many power hungry factions!" Lotor growled back. I tried to keep from recoiling from the anger he displayed, Lotor's eyes glinting with a harsh light as he gazed down at me. "War is a quick way to ruin a people, even a rich kingdom suffers from fighting that is drawn out over years. Arus was already dealt a disabling enough blow from the war with the Drule...I can't imagine what those fools thought to accomplish by plunging Arus into a civil war at this time. All your efforts should have been focused on recovery, NOT on trying to fight off those with their eyes on your crown!"

"You'll get no argument from me on that!" I told him. "What little we had left, was quickly lost in the war that followed the one with Doom. What the Drules didn't destroy, my own people did. And the more we lost, the more supporters the other nobles gained."

"You were all incredibly foolish." grumbled Lotor. "Even if the Arusians were so unhappy with your rule, they should have banded together under only one leader. Not the sixteen different factions that currently exist in one form or the other on Arus!" He made a scoffing noise then. "No wonder you can't feed your own people. They're all too busy fighting to farm what viable land is left!"

"They were scared." I tried to defend them. "And desperate. They saw their homes destroyed, their cities turned to rubble. They wanted peace, a security I could not provide them..."

"They wanted what you turned your back on." The knowing look in his eyes had me flush redder, my face unbearably hot in the moment.

"The past can't be changed." I told him. "I've made many mistakes...I've even accepted most of them. I'm doing what I can for Arus...trying to get it help in the only way I can." A lift of my chin, my gaze steady as I met his glare. "And have I succeeded?"

"You may not like all of what I intend to do..." A cool response from him, Lotor maintaining the glare. "But I will get you results you can live with. To that end, the first order of business is to stop the fighting."

"What about the feeding of the people?"

"That will come soon enough. The estimates I've received, show we are just days away from capturing and executing the leaders of those sixteen factions." He had paused, and I realized he was waiting for the expected protests he thought I would make.

"I am not as...naive as I once was." I told him. "I know those men and women cannot be allowed to live, not if we don't want the Arusians to keep banding together under them. They need to be eliminated, and the people united under one rule."

"You surprise me Allura." He almost smiled, though it was a darkly grim expression on Lotor. "I never thought you'd mature to be so practical when it came to killing."

"I take no pleasure or pride in what must be done." Came my reply. "But I would do just about anything for the well being of Arus and it's people." I gave him a dark look of my own. "As you are well aware of by now."

That almost smile vanished in an instant, something very much like annoyance in his eyes. "Yes, I know." He said, staring at me with that harsh look in his eyes. "It's one of your most consistent traits, that willingness to sacrifice ALMOST anything for the good of Arus."

"Then why does it feel more like a chastisement then praise?" I ask, but I already knew. Lotor was referring to the one sacrifice I had refused to make, the crushing rejection I had given him roughly ten years ago,

It was an open wound between us, raw and bleeding, hurting us both but for different reasons. Where as Lotor saw it as the crushing of his dreams, the breaking of his heart and the end of his belief in love, I saw the rejection for what it had meant for Arus. For furthering it's decline, for the starvation, even death of my people. I even recognized that for all my self sacrificing nature, in that one instant I had been selfish. More concerned with my own well being and sanity, not wanting to be abused, degraded, sullied, I had cost my people so much in my unwillingness to pay Lotor's price back then.

"Self sacrifice is not always a good trait. Often people can use that against you." Lotor told me. "They can make promises, threats and in no way live up to their part of the agreement should you give up what they wanted. But I am sure it is a lesson you have already learned." He gestured for my attention to return to the computer screen, giving me the much needed excuse to turn away from his unsettling stare. But I couldn't escape his nearness, Lotor leaning forward, pressing against the back of my chair. I could smell the faint scent of his cologne, felt his long hair brush my shoulders as he bent forward to input more commands into the computer.

His arms on either side of me, I stared at what was a live feed of the planet Arus, with many Drule ships floating just out of reach of it's gravitational pull. They weren't all war ships, I could see smaller craft, the kind devoted to carrying supplies.

"It's been a long time since Arus has seen such a...large number of Drule ships." I said, trying not to shiver at the sight. Even with the supply ships, the old fear still roused itself in me, to see the war vessels of Doom in Arus' orbit.

"And more will be coming." Lotor told me. "I've sent soldiers, food, medicines, fuel, the things needed to rebuild your cities. Those supply ships will land just as soon as the last of the nobles' resistance falls."

I could hear the satisfaction in his voice as Lotor continued to talk. "There's not only supplies, but doctors and scientists coming to Arus."

"Scientists?"

A tapping of the control panel's buttons, cut the video short, a document opening up in it's place. There was even a few charts drawn, though what they were attempting to estimate the percentages of, I could not figure out.

"It's too early to say for sure, but from the few soil samples Doom's scientists have analyzed, they hope to recover the use of over seventy percent of the farm land thought ruined by the pollution and fires. Arus may yet be restored to it's fertile glory."

"Arus...a green paradise once more?" I breathed out in disbelief.

"If the Arusians are able to farm the land once again, it would cut down on costs." He explained. "Less food to import, and in time Arus might become able to make an importable resource out of the extra food they grow."

"And of course..." He added as though it was a mere after thought. "That money would go a long way towards them paying off their debt to me."

"To you?" I repeated, letting a hope build in me that I hoped he would not dash. "Then...you will be giving them the chance? You won't just enslave them...?"

"They won't become slaves, though at times they may protest the hard work they will have to do." Lotor told me as I turned in my seat to look at him. "They'll be paid for their time, though it will be a while yet before they earn a true monetary wage for their efforts. For now they will have to be content with the food, the medicines, the clothing they are given in return for helping to rebuild their cities. Every able bodied man and woman will be expected to work, with a day off for rest every six days."

"The elderly, the disabled, will not be killed." He continued, which had once been a common practice of the Drules. "Their needs will be seen to, the children will spend their days playing and being educated." Another one of those grim half smiles from him. "They'll need to learn a tool or trade, in order to become productive members of the Empire in their future years."

A life for the people, a future for their children, was what I had wanted for Arus. It was what had brought me to Doom, chasing after the mere possibility of securing such a thing for the people of Arus. To hear that I might be succeeding, that I hadn't thrown away my pride and dignity for nothing? It was overwhelming, tears not only coming to my eyes, but starting to overflow. Lotor's expression was almost comical, the dismay he expressed at the sight of my weeping.

I began brushing at my eyes, trying to stop a flow that seemed unending. Lotor stood before me, wearing a look that strongly hinted he did not understand the reason for my tears.

"It's everything I've always wanted and then some." I said in a voice that was both sob and laughter. "For my people to finally get the chance they need to do something more than just survive."

"Then why do you cry?" Lotor asked me, and I nearly choked on the sobbing laughter.

"I'm just happy." But as soon as I said it, I realized it wasn't true. I wasn't completely happy, not knowing for certain what my own future held save for the fact that my nights would be spent in Lotor's bed. I didn't even know for how long such a thing would continue, but knew it was part of the price I had to pay for Arus' salvation.

He watched that realization chase away what little happiness might have been in my eyes. His own gaze darkened, Lotor's jaw clenching. But what did he expect from me? I couldn't feign true enthusiasm for my duty, couldn't look forward to the fact he would continue to force himself on me night after night, and even some days. I could only be grateful, and gratitude wasn't enough, it never was with him.

Knowing this, I still had to try to at least convey to him that gratitude. I couldn't, wouldn't let him think me so unfeeling, so heartless as to not recognize what he was attempting to do for Arus. I took in a deep breath, trying to calm the worst of my tears. The exhalation held a shaky quality to it as I nerved myself to touch his arm.

"Thank you." I said, pleased my voice did not betray any sadness. "I mean it, your highness." I took another deep breath, closing my eyes for one second. "I misjudged your intentions. I took out of context the one word I had heard, and leapt to the worst of conclusions. I...I was wrong."

It seemed as though Lotor had frozen at my touch, standing so still, staring at me unblinking. It unnerved me, my hand lightly touching his arm starting to tremble in anticipation of what he might do, what he might demand.

"I was wrong..."I repeated. "And for that I am sorry." I was sorry for more than that, knowing these last days needn't have been quite so unpleasant. At the very least, I wouldn't have fought him the way I had, if I had known he was truly sincere about helping Arus no matter the reasons why he would attempt such an endeavor.

The relief, the gratefulness I felt at the knowledge that he would help Arus wasn't enough to get me to forgive him entirely. I was still aware of what a brute he was, how cruel he could be. I knew he had done me wrong, and not just where sex was concerned. He hadn't lied to me, but then he hadn't also told me the truth in no uncertain terms. He had left me to think the worst where his intentions towards Arus was concerned, and he had almost let me be raped by another man this very evening.

Upsetting things, but yet I was also aware he hadn't been able to let the rape happen. I didn't entirely understand his reasons for preventing it, or the reasons he had for covering my part in the murder of that Drule. I might even be unsettled by it, uneasy with the fact he felt strong enough for me as to not only cover up a murder, but self inflict a wound in his side. I didn't want to face what this could mean, didn't want to consider he might still be crazily obsessed with me. It was far easier to tell myself Lotor simply wasn't tired of using me for his sexual depravities, than consider I might truly mean something to him.

I was trying my best to be in denial, to not even face the truth before my eyes. Was Lotor doing the same, trying to pretend I was nothing more than an outlet for his lusts? But what would change if we both came to acknowledge I might still matter to him? The damage had already been done, Lotor having hurt me far worse than I could have ever hurt him.

It's a hurt I don't think I could ever forgive no matter what he accomplishes with Arus. Nor do I think Lotor is willing to apologize for what he has done to me. I think he probably doesn't even realize what he's done is wrong. Nor do I truly expect him to stop, though it does surprise me when accepts my apology.

"We better clean that arm." Lotor says and steps out of my reach. I glace down, and see the blood had stopped, though the claw marks are deep enough to look nasty. My skin is starting to show bruises, and I once again wonder how much damage he had done when gripping me so cruelly. I won't find out just yet, Lotor in no hurry to send for a doctor. And in truth I am more concerned with reading the documents the computer is in the midst of translating. But I let him clean and bandage my arm, gratitude welling in my chest not only for the care he shows me, but for the fact he leaves me alone after, Lotor for once too tired to make demands of my body.

To Be Continued...

I probably should be in hiding, cause I worry people will want to lynch/hurt me for some of Allura's thoughts at the end. *hides*

Also need to thank Angel Suriel for talking with me, and trying to help, give me advice on some of the Arus restoration things. She made a great suggestion that hasn't happened yet, but will most likely be used sometime in a future chapter. I don't know if I should spoil, but let's just say the Drules will find something valuable on Arus!

I like this chapter, though not too fond of the middle. They still need to have more talking too, cause I had first imagined they might start airing out their issues about the whole proposal thing more. But it didn't happen...it was too hard just with what I did write. I was going fine until Lotor had to try and explain what he was trying to do for Arus. I fear the middle is kinda sucky. *worried* Hope the middle didn't bore anyone...X_X

I have ideas for scenes I want to happen as it will be the new day. Problem is, not sure how to start the next chapter, or lead into them. I also have to start writing something that has to do with something I began setting up a while back. But it's all a frustrating thing, to try and advance the story to those scenes and things. ARGH! And I have a BORING library book I have to finish by Thursday morning. X_X

Michelle

Viciously Witty, thank you, thank you! I was pretty pleased with that chapter myself! :D I'm not sure what I am hoping for them regarding Allura's feelings either to be honest. Just know I didn't want the Arus thing to be an instant forgiveness for all he's done to her. But maybe some healing can happen as time goes on...though I still worry...*goes back into hiding now*


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